The Promise Ring: Commitment or Cop-Out?
It’s a pretty, sparkly piece of jewelry called a promise ring and a number of my callers have mentioned that they have either received one or have talked to their partner about being given one as a means of solidifying their commitment. Who doesn’t want a nice piece of jewelry? But my readings often reveal that there are ulterior motives surrounding this token of commitment.
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What is a Promise Ring and What Does it Really Mean?
Some consider a promise ring to be a pre-engagement ring. These rings are often exchanged among teenagers who are far too young to be thinking about getting married. They get caught up in the euphoria of the idea of having someone to spend the rest of their life with, but they don’t know what that kind of commitment really means. It’s young, naive love.
Then there are those adults in 30s and 40s who exchange promise rings. As an adult, the promise ring has a different meaning which is no longer sweet and naive. Here’s what the promise ring actually means:
1. Since it’s not an engagement ring, a promise ring isn’t a true promise to get married. What exactly are your committing to when you partner would rather give your a promise ring than an engagement ring?
2. A promise ring takes the pressure off your partner. It’s like saying, “I might marry you one day, but I am not sure or I am not ready, so I am giving you a promise ring, which looks like an engagement ring to other people, but it isn’t an engagement ring.” Like an engagement ring, accepting a promise ring means that you can’t keep your romantic options open and have to continue to put your life on hold while you wait for your partner to decide if they want to marry you or not.
It’s Time to Wake Up!
When faced with the engagement discussion, if your partner gives you a promise ring instead, it’s time to reevaluate your relationship. Chances are they have no intention of marrying you, but they would like the relationship to continue on their terms. Mature adults take the leap towards marriage, even if it scares them, as a means of showing their commitment to their partners. Do not settle for less by accepting a promise ring, when what you really want is an engagement ring!
You’re Not Closer to Marriage
Let’s face it, if he really loved you and wanted to commit to you by marrying you, you’d have an engagement ring, not a promise ring. If you settle for this phony pre-engagement ring, you are desperately trying to hold on to a relationship and a partner whose desires and goals don’t align with yours. Deep down inside, you know you aren’t one step closer to marriage than you were before they gave you a promise ring.
You’re Wasting Your Time
How many years of your life are you willing to waste while you wait for your partner to decide if they want to marry you? They’re not going to plunk down more money on an engagement ring when they just gave you a promise ring, so it’s going to be a while. If you choose to accept a promise ring, at the very least, you need to set some kind of time frame for when the promise turns into an engagement. Otherwise, you could be waiting for something that may never happen.
Someone once said, “Promises are made to be broken.” If your partner has given you a promise ring, you shouldn’t ignore this adage. The future of your relationship could be at stake!
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