The Ghosts of Boyfriends Past

It’s over. You don’t want him — and whether or not he wants you is irrelevant — you are ready to move on. Except for one thing, you can’t shake him. He’s everywhere! You’re out flirting, seeing what else is out there for you, and there he is — doing the same thing at the other side of the party. You never saw him at the gym before, but behold, there he is on the elliptical.

And then there are all the guys that seem to be him. They look like him, talk like him, and dress like him — they’re the ghosts of boyfriends past, and you’re running in to them everywhere. If you are haunted by the apparitions of your former flame — it’s time to shake free of this curse on your love life!

Are You Chasing the Ghost?
It’s so obvious, but you really don’t have to go to the same places as you did when you were in love with the ex. And avoid, recreating past events with a new love interest. Renting that same beach house that was a disaster with the last one to ‘redo’ it with the new one is telling the devil to come knocking at your door. And talking about your ex? Might as well get out the Ouija board and start the séance. You can use the T-shirt you kept to bring him right into the room.

Confront the Ghost
No matter who is chasing whom, the ghost is saying, “You’re not done here.” Your energy is still tied up. You are caught between the now and the past. It’s painful nostalgia. All break-ups have an element of uncontrollable chaos. We search for a magic key to make sense of it — “I ignored red flags.” Or, “He wasn’t ready.” Insert what you need to, but eventually you are going to have to get to, “I accept this ending.” And that is what you have to say to the ghost. All endings have beginnings pulling at their tails. So arm yourself with a mantra to repeat to the ghost until the exorcism is complete. Here’s one to start you off, “I release you away from me and ask that love surround me, here and now.”

New Love Doesn’t Kill Old Ghosts
First, ghosts don’t die. They float around looking for someone to communicate with. And if you let them, they will consume you — especially if you are holding on to objects that belong to them. Ghosts don’t like being replaced. If you are indulging the ghosts of exes, they are going to compete for your attention while you are with your new romance. They’ll come up all over the place, while you’re eating dinner, on that moonlight walk, and even in the bedroom! One way they like to get in is the new versus the ex game. ‘My ex loved exotic food, but my new guy plays it so safe.’ ‘My ex never wanted to take a walk, and now my new guy is giving me blisters.’ And lovemaking? A ghost will kill it before it’s even begun.

Having a memory and having a ghost are two different things. You’ll know when the ghost is gone when you can bump into his sister and feel just fine because you wish for him what you want for yourself. Seems like an impossible goal when the ghosts are peaking out everywhere, but there is bliss on the other side. So, accept the ghost, embrace the ending, and surround yourself with the love of friends and family. Healthy, happy, new love tends to shy away from the haunted and walk right in to an open heart.

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