The 10 Erotic Commandments

Deepening your spiritual bliss leads directly to deepening your sexual bliss. Read on for ten ways to connect:

To experience spiritual sex, you have to start by getting in touch with the spiritual plane. Listen to your body, relax your mind, and step outside of the physical realm.

Curiosity is what allows us to engage with life, while creating common interests with and understanding with others. If you’ve never wondered what makes your partner the way they are, you could be closing off the spiritual portion of your relationship, leaving only mechanical speech (“how was your day?”) and lovemaking. To fully experience each other, you must create a bond which begins by sharing each other’s curiosities. Contrary to belief, foreplay actually begins with the words, “I feel,” “I want,” and “I am.”

Another important aspect of spiritual sex is inspiring each other to be better than what we ever thought we could. While this task may seem daunting at first, in reality it can be as simple as making a special dinner or planning a special afternoon picnic.

While much of spiritual sex involves the bonding of two souls, this bond would be almost impossible if it weren’t for the experience of touch. Touch is one of the initial experiences we have with a partner which allows us to create a connection from the outside-in. Start by exploring the length of your partner’s body. How does their skin feel? Is it fleshy, muscular, or smooth? How do their vocal patterns and facial expression change depending on where and how you touch them?

Therapist Dr. David Schnarch recommends that couples look into each other’s eyes when they make love. The idea that the eyes are a window to the soul is an overused, and sometimes abused, term – as the model Fabio once proved, stating that “the soul is the window to the eyes.” Nevertheless, one study demonstrated this connection by looking at the heated arguments of various couples. They found that couples were able to regain composure by gazing into each other’s eyes.

Spiritual sex is very much a ritual, in that we repeat the things that have worked for us in the past. Perhaps it was a poem, song, massage, or a certain look or touch that started things off. Going along with this idea, it is also important to break away from too much routine by exploring new aspects of sexual enjoyment. In addition, today’s world has also brought about the necessity of ritual-like scheduling of date nights, which are used to help couples organize sex back into their lives.

Partnership/Sacred Union
To see a partner is to look past the body and into their spirit. To see their hopes, fears, dreams, and know what it is they need. This has also been called the telepathic relationship, which is a connection with a partner (soulmate) that allows us to communicate by sensing mood, feelings, and sometimes even thoughts. A good exercise of its understanding is synchronized breathing. While embracing your partner, take each breath as they do. Feel their chest rise, the air fill their lungs, and the release of each exhalation. This is an example of identifying with your partner by sensing their experiences.

Ethical Hedonism
There is nothing wrong with enjoying pleasure for yourself, but in the spiritual realm, hedonism refers to the pursuit of ecstasy as if it were a circle of infinite bliss. The circle begins by “seeing” and pleasuring your partner, who in turn responds with deep appreciation and reciprocated pleasure. The cycle then repeats itself until both partners’ energies are spent and they lie embracing each other, basking in the sacred bond they’ve created.

Conscious Lovemaking
While going through the mechanical act of sex can be quite pleasurable, it is nothing compared to the “valley orgasm,” which in terms of tantric expression is a “reverse” build-up of orgasmic ecstasy. Instead of escalating motion intensity and muscle tension during intercourse, the tantric method requires lovers to relax deeper and deeper into a spiritual connection. Without focusing on an end (“orgasm”), the couple’s passions eventually spill over, creating what could only be described as an entire body orgasm.

“Oh (deity of choice), I thank you for this bountiful body I am about to receive.” While the prayer I am referring to isn’t exactly like expressing your gratitude before reaching for the potatoes and coleslaw, it is important to appreciate the splendor of creating a spiritual bond with your lover.

What are your tips for more spiritual sex?

11 thoughts on “The 10 Erotic Commandments

  1. Explorer

    All this stuff is impractical, fantasy of a dreamy mind and full of crap. This person doesn’t know anything about sex or let me say relationship between opposite sex.
    First of all, if you want to have good sex or satisfying sex or you want to satisfy the endless and uncontrollable urge for sex, then this will be helpful.
    While having sex, you should go very slowly unlike we see in most of the contemporary movies. The kind of sex they show seems to be highly sexual but it is in fact, demonic or lovemaking of weak people. People who have fast sex doesn’t have the strength to make it a slow and loving affair. These people are basically sexually dysfunctional and are fast moving towards self-destruction beyond which there is no turning back.
    While having sex, you should either love or have a happy smiling face.
    Although sex can happen only because of lust, however, in order to orient yourself with nature as contemporary people have gone so destructive, you should try to minimise your concentration on lust.
    Apart from physical relationship, a couple should do positive and constructive things together. When you are doing such activities, you don’t seek any romance at that time. you are more interested in doing stuff together. This is actually a way of diverting your attention from sex and allow the secret work of lust to take place. If a man and woman who are sexually active, be together, lust will always do its part. I call it purification of lust which results in greater intensity of love between the couples which 100 times more gratifying than sex. Its like having sex without having sex. Also its intensity can be multiplied. Couples who are truly in love for each other don’t feel sex as the most important activity between them. They are more interested in being together.
    I don’t think that this comment will be appreciated because it is optimistic and beyond the realms of ego that desires results and not unconditional effort.

  2. shay

    I will agree great article, but that only happens in the movies or romance books.
    Seriously …Are there any guys that are actually that caring and spiritual?
    Guess I am living on the wrong planet!

    1. E. Grogan

      Yes, there really are men who do these things! They are men who honor the Sacred Feminine (you can google the term) and feminine qualities of nurturing, care and compassion. They appreciate strong, intelligent empowered women. I’ve been married to one for 13 yrs. These men will be found in spiritual paths that honor Nature. Some are Pagan (e.g. Wiccan, or just plain honor Nature). I belong to a Pagan church and there are many fine men here who pay attention to other’s feelings and their own. They realize we live in a patriarchal culture that wounds everyone, both men and women with its emphasis on war, hate, etc. that we are seeing now.
      Most people don’t know about these religions or where to find like-minded folks. There are many Pagan Meetup groups and online groups and you can learn from them and meet others with similar ideas.
      When I was in my early 40’s, I discovered goddess-oriented religions. Now 20 yrs later, I’m in the company of wonderful men and women who are deep, intelligent, thoughtful and compassionate.
      The main message I want to send is that there is a different way to do life, you don’t have to follow the mainstream. There are other way of thinking and being and we can learn who we really are and are free to explore ourselves, new paths and what works best for us. Good luck!

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  4. Deanne Johnson

    I think this article is right on it, I used to have that kind of bond with my man,but when someone is cheating they no longer take the time to make love to you, I guess compiled with guilt and other things they no longer want to fulfill your needs. Good article tho.

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  6. bob24

    Great article, I am giving a copy to my spouse. I hope she reads this.

    She does not believe in the power and knowledge of Psychic’s.

  7. Winston Archer

    I am asking a question, Does women cheat>
    Or is this a male problem, as cheating goes??
    l am very curious to know this,It seems as if this is only a male defect or male sickness. Please if you can ,let most of us men know.We and myself would like to know ..


  8. Jacqueline x9472

    Wow Eric, Fantastic article,
    A little herb wild oats don’t hurt either,

    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

  9. Verbena

    This is not only beautiful, Eric, but I think you’ve also managed to convey some pretty complex tantric principles clearly and accessibly.

    I hope everyone prints this out and uses it to add ooomph and depth to their sex/love life!!

    Cheers & blessings,



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