Soulmate Debate: Are they real?

In my work, I am often asked about subjects that are assumed to be generally accepted within my profession. As a result, I frequently find myself explaining that, despite the stereotypes, my peers really are a diverse group of people — all with different opinions.

When I am asked about soulmates, many are shocked to find that not only do I not believe in the term, I actually find the entire notion dangerous to those who honestly seek evolution within themselves or any sort of sexual enlightenment.

For one thing, the term itself has no universal definition. (If you check the blog, you’ll see a multitude of descriptions and explanations of soulmates.) The word seems to alter in meaning as each new person postulates on the general idea of what one is, or isn’t.

The descriptions are fluffed up ideals that can take us away from the realities of relationships and the true nature of love — that love doesn’t always last forever and that love can hurt. People embrace the soulmate theory as they do any idealism — as a distraction from the possibility of hurt, and as a way to simplify relationships. When they start dating someone, they want to believe that this person is their soulmate, so that the relationship will somehow be easy and free from disruption.

People believe they are entitled to have a soulmate and that they don’t have to struggle to make a relationship work, or to even find a relationship … they think that the love of their life is just around the corner because it’s fated. They can also be very hard on their partners when they don’t act like their definition of a soulmate. People stop looking at the person they are in a relationship with for whom they really are, seeking instead to find out whether or not they fit into their formula of what a soulmate should be. These are all recipes for disaster.

Finding a mate in this way encourages people to divorce themselves from nature — and in truth, love and relationships rely on the subtle and powerful forces of nature, biology, and chemistry to bring us together. There is also a large mystical component to it that is absolutely inexplicable — we can’t always put in words why we are with our mate, why we love our mate, or how they make us feel. And, of course, there is romance, too.

Relying instead on the soulmate ideal, which seems to promise easy success, actually robs us of our drive to find the right mate for the right time. It pulls us away from the garden of tenderness and lust, which is our true birthright.

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