Our world has become so fast-paced that our expectations of instant gratification – a drive through Starbucks (so we don’t have to stand and wait for a latte), online gift purchases (so we don’t have to shop in the mall), email that instantly conveys our thoughts instead of a hand-written note sent via the mail – all have extended into our love lives as well.
With our hectic lifestyles, who has time to invest in the several dates it takes to decide if you like someone? Wouldn’t it be easier to determine if the guy’s a “catch” or not, or the girl’s the one you want to set up house with, in a matter of minutes instead of a matter of weeks? Well, there is a way!
At your first meeting, you’ll decide whether you’re physically attracted to your potential partner. But don’t be so picky that you’ll only accept perfection. Looks truly are only skin deep. Unless they repulse you with their Godzilla-like features, be open to someone who may not make it as a model, but who has eyes that smile or kissable lips or an easy grin. Those are the features you’ll be noticing more over time, anyway.
Quick clues and tests
You should also think about how the person greets you. Was there warmth and sincerity in their words and actions or was it a perfunctory greeting? If you’re being treated as a chore, then this isn’t the right person for you. If, on the other hand, they have you at the first hello, that’s a good sign.
Personality counts heavily, of course, but since you’ve just met the person, you may have to rely on instinct to mentally begin to sum them up. Begin with the wallet test. Imagine if this person found a wallet on the street. Would they keep its contents and toss the wallet or would they immediately try to return it – intact – to its rightful owner? Bonus points if you think they’ll choose the latter and not wish to accept a reward. And there’s always the “family” test. Assuming you don’t come from a completely dysfunctional family, is this someone whom you could proudly bring to dinner? Basic good manners go a long way – not only in how they conduct themselves at a meal, but how they treat you and the waiter.
Are you enjoying the conversation? Did ten minutes pass in a flash? Do you want to know more about them? Do you have common intellectual grounds and basic interests? The Hollywood version of this has a couple meeting for a first time in a busy restaurant and then flashes forward to closing time with the couple still rapt in attention at each other’s words while the tables around them are emptying and the lights are going out. If their mind is so interesting to you that you just want to know more, this is someone with whom you’re not likely to get easily bored. And if, while you’re enjoying this scintillating conversation, you find yourself wondering what they were like as a child, what they like to eat for breakfast and what their lips would feel like as they gently kiss yours… that’s certainly another good sign!
Finally, were you regretful when the conversation ended? Was there a mutual sense of curiosity? Was there any expression of interest in repeating this sometime soon?
If these conditions were met satisfactorily, then by all means plan another outing. If not, don’t waste your time on someone who will ultimately disappoint you on a very basic level. Move on to the next person and hope they meet these conditions. There’s a whole world of potential mates out there… choose well and you’ll likely be happier than if you settled for someone who is destined not to last.
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