There may be deep parts of you that may not have seen the light of day for a long time, if ever. Parts of you that have been hidden deeply inside. Parts that may feel safer in the dark. But the truth is, you can’t share your heart in parts.
When you commit to sharing your heart, you are committing to telling the truth—even the hard parts. Because a heart partially shared is a broken heart; a heart fragmented and only partially known.
All of you is worthy of being seen. All of you needs to be known. And only you hold the key to the lock of your heart.
When you find someone and give them that key, there is a strong assumed agreement being built, often without any words. That assumed agreement feels something like “I’m going to let you in. Don’t hurt me!” on the part of the one who offers the key. On the part of the one taking possession of the key, it may feel like: “Hm, what does this mean?!”
In our relationships, a lot of “agreements” are assumed. We may assume sexual exclusivity—and if this agreement is not voiced out loud, someone may get hurt. And no one would really be at fault, because no one would have asked.
So, in sharing your heart, make agreements out loud. That way no one is left to make assumptions about what this sharing means.
When you are ready to really give your heart to someone, why not make a ceremony of it? In the early months of our relationship, my husband gave me a heart made of gemstone. Later on, I gave my husband a pretty silver stone with the words “Love Will Set Us Free” on it.
These serve as a reminder, but the true navigation and negotiation came on words. Not only did I promise him honesty, I guaranteed him honesty, even when that honesty might not be comfortable. And now we both offer the truth of our hearts without thinking twice. Even when it hurts.
And, when it hurts, sometimes one of us might say, “You hold my heart,” just as a reminder.
Lasara Firefox Allen is an author, educator, activist, and coach. Lasara’s first book, the bestselling Sexy Witch (Llewellyn Worldwide), was published in 2005 under the name LaSara FireFox.