If you’ve been looking for your one true love — you’ve gotten pretty good at what doesn’t work for you. You think that you can predict your experience with someone new based on your past, your imagined future, and the advice you get from your friends.
You can’t date actors or workaholics or widows or someone with the name “Sam.” The list goes on and on. You think that you can predict your experience with someone new based on your past, your imagined future and the advice you get from your friends.
And guess what? You keep being right! Based on the past, you decide not to date single parents. So even if you meet a great person who has kids you think, I know what this will be like. You test your prophecy and ask them out. They have to check their kid’s schedule. See! You were RIGHT! It’ll never work. You feel satisfied that you didn’t get involved. You’re not going to learn that lesson twice!
But you didn’t learn anything at all. You created a prophecy and you fulfilled it. Wouldn’t it be better to give love a chance?
Here’s how to shake off those old stories and step into your own new love story.
Stop interviewing, start listening
If you’re armed with red flags, you’re bound launch them at your new interest. There is so much “wisdom” out there about what works and what doesn’t, but there isn’t a lot about listening to your own heart. This doesn’t mean ignoring information. It means withholding judgment until you know what it means this time. You decide you don’t want to date someone with a roommate. You think this shows a lack of financial success or independence. But it turns out this new person really enjoys sharing their home. What a wonderful trait for someone to bring to a relationship. Translation: you just don’t know what the facts mean. So don’t jump to conclusions.
Don’t give your power over to the past
The past is as powerful as you make it out to be. If you perceive yourself as a victim of your exes, that’s the role you carry with you. You will find you have an uncanny ability to pick people with the exact issues as your last partner – because that is what you see. What you must do is see your role in all of your relationships and acknowledge your part in the problems. The pain of the past happened in the past; it only exists now because you’ve decided to keep inflicting it on yourself! Repeating this pain solidifies your mythology, giving it more and more power over your state of mind. Like attracts like, so get into the present right now.
Embrace the unknown – that’s where miracles live
Part of the rush of meeting someone new is the question, “Is this going to work out?” With each interaction, your new squeeze reveals more of who they are and you discover more about yourself. Stop trying to figure out what the details of their life mean, because you can’t know. If you can hold on to the thrill of the unknown however, for just a little longer, one day at a time you will be given the necessary information. If you relax, the universe will provide everything you need to develop every part of yourself.
So leave your heavy book of myths home on a Saturday night. Reset your relationship timeline and start from here. A whole new love story awaits.
Have you been telling yourself the same old story? See if this story sounds familiar – then tell us what you think!