When you think about it, luck is a fascinating concept. Loosely, it dictates that if the universe favors you, or somehow stumble upon a sequence of randomly fortuitous events, you will join the legions of the fortunate in an inexplicably blissful earthly existence. Should you be so unfortunate as to encounter the other kind of luck, the kind that leaves you cheated of the Pick Six by a number and a horseshoe shy of success in love and business, well… that’s just the roll of the die, right? Fortunately, that’s not exactly the case.
The notion of luck is less a matter of trusting the hands of fate, and more a handy escape from responsibility. There will always be circumstances outside of your control, but when it comes down to it, the sequence of events in your life is a result – direct or indirect – of your actions. So if you find yourself unlucky in love, it’s time to take a hard look at your choices, preferences and behavior patterns. You’ll probably find that luck has had very little to do with it.
Ask yourself a few probing questions. What sort of person are you attracted to? What do all of your previous relationships have in common? How did they end, and what part did you play in that ending?
Your patterns begin with the type of person you habitually choose (or to whom you are attracted). Attraction reveals a lot about your expectation of a relationship. Choose a distant or unavailable partner, and you’ll be safe from all that messy intimacy. A clingy man will lead you down the road to codependence, or worse, cast you in a recurring role as nurturer or caretaker. Guys with that attractive dark and angsty side will ensure that your relationship is never dull…and never without devastating highs and lows. The list goes on; maybe you choose men whose careers are a little shaky because you’re insecure about your own or who ooze sex appeal they can hardly control – and eventually don’t. Only you know why you choose whom you choose, but as soon as you detect a pattern in your past attractions, you’ve got your first clue to what’s behind your “luck.” You could argue that you can’t control whom you love, but you’d be wrong. Change what you want in a relationship, and you’ll find yourself attracted to different types of people.
Next, turn your attention to the relationship itself. Typically, is there a certain point when your luck runs out? Do you find yourself getting restless after six months or needing added commitment after a year? If any of your relationships have ended for the same reason, there’s a good chance it wasn’t just chance. Self sabotage, insecurities and unrealistic expectations can all play roles in the demise of relationships. Say you’re terrified of appearing needy and put a lot of energy into being a rock of self-sufficiency; you could hardly be surprised when support wasn’t there when you needed it. If you know you balk when things get “serious,” and serious means a year for you, pay specal attention to what happens at that milestone. Again, look for patterns, and be honest with yourself about how much your actions shaped that outcome.
Now, to change your luck, all you need to do is break your patterns and redesign your destiny. Sounds easy, right? It’s actually very empowering. Once you realize that dumb luck has nothing to do with where you are today and how you got there, you can put your fate back where it belongs – in your hands. That’s not to say authoring your own relationship luck is easy; you’ll need to be brutally honest with yourself and continually curb those old instincts. But as the people like to say, the harder you work, the luckier you get.
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