What Are You Hiding?
I think that just about everyone is keeping a secret from their current partner. As we learn more about our partner, we are urged to dig up the past, as this is usually one of the last things we share about ourselves. The question we ask today is, should you be obligated to share everything, or is it okay to keep a few things to yourself? I’ll give you my opinion, and then at the end I would love to hear what your own experiences say about this topic.
Number of Sex Partners: Maybe
While I agree that a partner should accept us for who we are (and were), sex is a sticky wicket. Numbers don’t tell us who we are today, and this is why I don’t think divulging the number of past sexual partners is helpful in a relationship. If your partner demands to know, you can either refuse (although, this may create more unanswered questions), tell them (but be prepared to be judged), or organize them to represent your personal definition, such as, “I slept with three people with whom I had a deep, caring relationship.”
Bedroom Fantasies: Yes
Most partners are up to trying almost anything in the bathroom, and if it’s something they don’t feel comfortable with, the worst they can say is no. Either way, you will have expressed a desire, which would never have had the possibility to come true if you hadn’t opened your mouth and took the chance.
The Joys of Porn: Yes, With a Caveat
Porn can be hidden from a partner. However, there’s a chance you’ll eventually be caught, which can be the most damaging. Telling a partner you enjoy watching porn can go in one of several directions. If your partner has been graceful with forgiveness in the past, it is safe to assume this will not be a deal breaker. In some instances, they might be up to experience it with you. However, a partner who may consider this cheating may not be as forgiving. In these cases, I recommended bringing a third party (counselor) in, who can help mediate your confession. Do you feel like your partner doesn’t respect you? Justine ext. 5402 knows what’s in their heart.
Previous Great Sex: No!
Bragging about past sex in the effort to make your partner’s performance more stellar will only accomplish in making you single that much sooner!
An Affair (Past or Present): Yes
This is a good case of being damned if you do, and damned if you don’t. Divulging an affair (past or present) may cause a partner to lose faith and respect for you. In the case of a current affair, you may be tempted to keep this secret, especially if you have already succeeded in getting away with it. However, keep in mind that an affair is a symptom of a much deeper problem. A lot of troubled relationships, resulting in an affair, can improve once a partner confesses the truth. After the initial shock, many couples work to repair their connection, and become stronger as a result.
Criminal Behavior: Maybe
Lindsay Lohan may have a hard time pulling the wool over the eyes of a new partner. However, for the rest of us, it is actually quite simple to let certain bad behavior be left unsaid. The rule of criminal activity is that anything that has gone on record should be confessed. Your partner will most likely find out anyway. All other tales of reckless abandon are best left in your memoirs. Want to get a better idea of where your partner is at? Joyce ext. 9598 has the insight you’re looking for!
Abortion(s): Probably Not
Unless this occurred with your current partner, or has affected your ability to carry a child in the future, this is a personal choice that needs no explanation to anyone.
Addiction (Alcohol, Sex, Gambling, etc.): Yes
Addiction is one of the most untold secrets between couples. These partners fear a loss of respect if this secret should get out. However, what they fail to consider is that healing depends on their admittance to the problem, and it is not always addiction that destroys a relationship, but rather the betrayal in hiding it.
One in four Americans would rather their partner sleep with the entire Jackass film’s ensemble cast than lie to them about money. If you want a long and fruitful marriage, lay your finances on the table.
Sexual Health Problems: Yes!
Sexual disease is a topic that nobody ever wants to talk about, but it is a must that you do. However, when you talk about it, timing can make the difference between a trail of smoke as your partner bolts out the door, and a compassionate heart to heart over dinner. The rule of thumb is that you don’t have to confess on the first date, but you do have to share before any initial sexual intimacy (even if you plan on using a condom).
Ex is Trying to Reconnect: Yes
You may be tempted not to drop this bomb on a jealous lover. However, the alternative, of keeping this a secret, will only make you look more guilty if found out.
I Don’t Like Your Family!: No
Like a moth to a flame, the urge to tell a loved one that you don’t like their family, will most certainly lead to your early demise. Especially since these feelings have a way of spreading through a family like wildfire. This is a secret that is best buried deep beneath a mouth full of gritting teeth.