Your marriage isn’t broken just because it doesn’t feel like it did when it was new. All flaming passion settles to a warm glow. All couples argue. Every partnership reacts to outside stress. If you feel like you’re headed for trouble with your partner, it’s possible to reverse the trend and head for a mature, harmonious union.
Commit to re-bonding, and to reaffirming your love. Don’t focus on changing your partner’s failings. Work only on yourself and your issues. Be sure you’re ready to make personal changes in how you approach your partner, how you respond, and how you listen.
Dwell on the idea that you can only change or fix yourself. Never forget that just as two people make a marriage, it usually takes two to harm it, as well. If you can’t commit, you will likely fail.
Act as if you love each other and are working for the same goals. It may feel silly to playact. But couples counselors say that pretending you’re in love and happy together will move you toward that reality. When you’re on the edge of an argument, compel yourself to shut it down; reach out and touch your mate. Act as if you’re good together.
Decide seriously whether you are more interested in saving your marriage or in winning the skirmishes. Choose your battles and walk away from those that simply don’t matter. Experts say that giving in on small points doesn’t diminish your power, and will help you both keep a positive attitude.
Consult experts. If you believe the stars impact you, reread California Psychics’ Marriage Astrology. Ask friends or family if they know an excellent marriage counselor. Confide in your spiritual advisor. No one is born knowing how to be a good relationship partner, and it’s common sense to trust in expert knowledge.
While you’re putting these kinds of ideas into motion, the most important thing you can do is keep communication open and positive. Browse the book store’s self-help section. There are scads of really interesting books about developing reflective listening skills. You’ll be astonished at how effective that can be.
It takes time to fall in love, and more time to form a strong union between two people. When a partnership begins to grow stale, or yes, even starts to die, it can’t be repaired with magic or in the blink of an eye. Be patient.
Before you decide it can’t be fixed, sit down with pen and paper and make a list of all that drew you to your mate. What made you smile at the beginning? Why did you look forward to their return when they went away? What made you feel happy and glowing?
Read over that list, remembering your reactions when your love was new, and contrasting those with how you react now. Take a look at The Top Five Reasons People Marry. Where do you fit on that list?
Rest yourself and your negative feelings. Breathe deeply. Let your mind go to what is good about your relationship. It isn’t the way it was when you were new. You aren’t exactly like you were, either. Find reasons you want to repair what needs mending, set them in your mind, and nurture the maturity of the warm glow.
What are your recommendations for getting a romance back on track?