Your Ex is an Ex for a Reason
When it comes to exes and past relationships, there is only one philosophy to follow: Your ex is an ex for a reason. Despite what some love and relationship experts may say, talking about a past relationship with anyone, especially your current relationship, is never a good idea. If you talk about your ex on the first date, there likely won’t be a second date. Here are five reasons why you shouldn’t talk about your ex—ever!
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1. It Will Seem Like You’re Not Over Them
If you’re talking about your ex, it means you aren’t over them. If you’re dating someone, and you’re talking about your ex, they’re going to know you aren’t over them. Think about it. If the person you were dating kept mentioning their ex, wouldn’t that give you cause for a pause? Wouldn’t you think they weren’t over their ex? Well, if you keep mentioning your ex, your date is going to think that about you too.
When we end relationships, we tend to look back on them and see only the good parts—the parts we miss. We would do better to remember why the relationship ended. Doing so would make it so much easier to move on and help us to leave the past where it belongs—in the past.
2. No One Can Compete With a Ghost
Competing for someone’s affection with a rival is one thing, but when your current love gets compared to your ex-love, you’re pitting them against the ghost of a past relationship. And you’re only comparing your new love to the things that were great about your old relationship—not the whole relationship. Your current love will come to the conclusion that they’re in a no-win situation, and eventually the new relationship will become another ex-relationship.
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Sometimes we date people who want to know everything about our past relationships. An inquisitive partner who asks about your past ad nauseam is either extremely insecure or they’re testing you. There isn’t much you could say that won’t turn into hurt feelings or a fight. Don’t take the bait. Don’t give in. Don’t talk about your ex.
3. Three’s a Crowd
There is no room in your new relationship for your ex, and remember, three’s a crowd. A new relationship is the chance to start over. It’s a clean slate. So why would you muddy it up with talk of your past romantic failures?
4. History Will Repeat Itself
Talking about your ex brings up a lot of questions in your lover’s mind. They’ll wonder why you really broke up, what you did that caused the breakup and why you aren’t over it. You’ll be viewed as someone who can’t let go. Will history repeat itself when you two break up? The idea that you would talk about them to someone new makes them feel uncomfortable, and rightly so.
When it comes to your love life, is history repeating itself? Break free of your past during a relationship reading with Psychic Dezi ext. 5227.
5. There’s a Chance You’ll Rekindle Your Romance
If you talk about your ex a lot, your new partner will think you still want them. What if they called you up one day and asked you to give your love a second chance? Would you accept? You new love thinks you probably would and that makes them feel insecure about your relationship. How can someone get serious about you? How can you have a committed relationship when all you do is talk about your ex? If you want a new relationship to last, you have to let go of the past.
Wondering if your ex still thinks about you? Psychic Reed ext. 5105 knows.
Each relationship we have in life is a learning experience and each relationships helps to shape who we are and who we become as a result of those experiences. Your partner has already met the new, more experienced you, so there’s no reason to rehash the journey that got you here, and there’s no reason to talk about your ex—ever!
10 thoughts on “5 Reasons Not to Talk About Your Ex—Ever!”
I have to agree with commenter Julie. I have to disagree with people, psychic or not, who say “ever” or “never” when what really is being said is “never again”.
For instance, when you let your “new love” know that your previous “love” was physically or emotionally abusive and you left that relationship because you will not tolerate abuse.
Not all issue are that severe but it’s worth considering that knowing where someone is coming from could be a good indication or what they may have learned along the way or where they might be headed. Things worth talking about in my book.
Thanks for all the comments! I’ll have to say you all have very valid and specific reasons for your comments and opinions and I love a rousing discussion. This piece was written in the context of not excessively speaking about your Ex to your new love. And to the reader who said it’s healthy to talk about your ex and try to figure out why it didn’t work – it’s normal to feel that way in the beginning, but if you stay there a little too long, you’re holding yourself back from moving on. I know – I’ve been there: I once broke up with a guy a long time ago that I couldn’t stop thinking about (we’ve all been there) – I talked about him ad nauseum, bringing him into almost every discussion until my good friends and family told me to let go and move on – they were right. And if, like one commenter mentioned, your boyfriend keeps probing for answers about your ex, tell them that you don’t want to talk about them or your relationship – they’re really fishing for trouble by going there and one of these days it will blow up into an argument. Be careful. And be kind to yourself. ~Thanks.
I’m not over my ex- he was my first love in all ways and after I lost him- his family made him have an arranged marriage- I was always looking for what we had or someone like him- well long story short I married someone I thought I was in love with but heard my first love had died and realised all the years of my marriage I’d been making do – then again people in arranged marriages get less of a start than we did so it is just taking a wee bit more work
Something I have learned a while ago through this site and meeting like minded people. That people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Nothing is permanent and we should be grateful for the lessons they teach us, good or bad, for without that we learn nothing and carry on in circles. We must learn to understand that people really do come and go without notice or logic, they came and went for a reason, be understanding, be grateful and wish them the best no matter how hard that can be at times. They also say that you can count your true friends on one hand, and that seems to be real in the long term 🙂
I do feel that sometimes we have no choice but to talk about an Ex if we are being quizzed and probed by our partners. the way I deal with it is to be honest, but also positive about the Ex and grateful for our experience together. I also never ask about my partners Ex !!
I also disagree. It is normal and healthy to try to figure out why things didn’t work out, especially if you were with someone who never communicated what the issues were. it is a way of moving on, and learning from the mistakes made. If over time you can’t let go, then you get help. It is a grieving process like any other loss. It takes time, and NOT hiding your feelings.
Not talk about your ex you will get in trouble big time
I don’t mean to talk about him. It comes out in funny ways. For ex..someone will mention something about a thing or a place and I find myself blurting out, “We went there last summer, it was really neat.” I am trying to drop the “we” thing but, I can’t drop the 3 years of time and memories we shared. It has only been 3 mo.s, I am okay but, I still have my moments.
I am trying to be able to join in a conversation without bringing him up. Am I not over him? No, not in my heart. I can’t explain this but I have never been so pulled to someone who was so not good for me.
I think everyone has someone in their lifetime that just seems to find a little place in their heart that never leaves. I don’t think this is wrong. I would never, ever bring up an ex on a date but, I would use the lessons it taught me if someone were to ask me a question about my feelings on something. I don’t dwell on him, I don’t look for ways to talk about him but, I do find myself remembering the good times we had when something familiar comes up to trip a memory.
I think you should remember the good times and accept the fact that it wasn’t a meant to be. People come in and out of our lives all the time. Some may stay and some may go but, we learn something from each of them and that becomes a part of all the parts that make us who we are.
I strongly disagree with this piece – except to the extent that it urges people not to go on and on and on about their exes. I do ask questions about a person’s former relationships so that I might be able to know he person better – to maybe understand why or how something I did might have hurt the other person and try to understand and maybe handle it in a more sensitive way vis-a-vis whatever those person’s hot points are. I also am just interested. I am wary of anyone who refuses to talk about their past.
Just in case you assume otherwise, this is a guy’s comment about “not talking about your ex”. I talk about my ex a lot (and think about her all the time) because I am very deeply in love with her. We met 8 years ago when I was in my sixties and she in her fifties. She had left her marriage a few years previously. Although my marriage has ‘dried up’ beyond repair, I am still in it until the finances can be sorted out – a long, difficult process!
My ex “ex-ed” me a number of times from an early stage because I did not immediately leave my marriage for her, so of course I became more cautious. However she came back to me in all cases except for the last time when I suspect her own ex-husband advised her to distance herself from me.
My lovely ex and I are still in frequent contact by text messaging plus the occasional dinner date. She continues to hold me at arm’s length (with occasional lapses) and has reduced the number of kisses after her texts by one!! Nevertheless she does see me from time-to-time & is sometimes more affectionate than others. My love for her will never die, I know that for a fact at my time of life. I respect and love her many good qualities and still desire her as strongly as ever. It is true love for me and I cannot bring myself to walk away from it.