Phone Tag Part One: Getting the Number

A buddy of mine recently confided in me that he is confident meeting and flirting with new women, but he always psyches himself out when it comes to getting her number.

Unfortunately, a lot of guys build up getting a girl’s number as if it were medaling in an Olympic flirting event – only an elaborate series of flips, leaps and twists, climaxing in a flourish of charm and charisma, will get the digits. She might dig the performance, but the performance ain’t you, and the performance ain’t gonna last.

First, don’t go for the number unless you’ve demonstrated your attraction to a girl, either through physical or spoken flirtation, and she’s reciprocated. If you’re into her, announce it. If you come off vague or overly-platonic, she won’t leave with the excitement of anticipating your call, and you’re only postponing having to demonstrate  interest later. Save your time and get to the point. If she’s feeling the same way, your forwardness is going to multiply her attraction to you.

If you’re already having a conversation through physical flirtation – strong eye contact, bodies close, blushing, lots of smiling – you don’t need much more than, “I want to see you again. Let’s go out sometime.” That explicit expression of desire gets right to the point, and she’ll be saying yes if your flirtation is true.

That might be too bold for some. Other times, the signs of physical flirtation (especially when meeting in a group) are more of a yellow light than a green. When this is the case, make your proposed reconnection an organic continuation of what’s been positive in your connection thus far. If you’re having a good conversation, ask to continue it. “Let’s keep chatting sometime. Wanna trade numbers?” If you talked about liking Thai food, or your favorite cycling routes, suggest going to one of those places together. Casually mention future plans like these in conversation – “…oh, you’ve never eaten there? We should go sometime…” – makes asking for a number at the end much more comfortable and natural feeling.

One technique for keeping it casual and not psyching yourself out, is remind yourself that you both have something to prove. If you only focus on selling yourself you’ll miss what she’s offering. Checking to make sure you’re attracted to her behavior will keep you in the flirtation, enable you to feed off of her interaction, and most likely help find an organic way to her number.

Additionally, some women are more prone to inviting a guy to ask them out than doing the asking themselves. You don’t want to be so caught up in your strategy that you miss any underhanded pitches she’s lobbing your way. If you tell her you’re into rock climbing and she says, “I’ve always wanted someone to show me how to rock climb,” you better leave with her number and a rock climbing date!

If you’re still having trouble making a go of it, find a shot of courage and tell yourself ‘you only live once.’ The deterrent to most sexual connections is fear of rejection, and it’s better to risk the taste of rejection than to go home with no taste in your mouth at all, isn’t it?

Ladies, I’d love to hear what you think works!

Getting a number, and getting a call back, is not always the same thing. In Phone Tag Part Two, find out how to make sure she’s waiting to answer your call!

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