By Christina Julian and Dylan Cohen
After I read the post and some of the comments from Communication Misstep, it got me thinking. I’ve been in a committed relationship with my boyfriend for the last four months. We’ve had pretty good communication so far. We’re looking for long-term potential possibly with marriage and kids in the mix, and we’re at a similar age and life stage. However, the closer we get to the holidays the more consumed I become by the fact that he hasn’t made any inroads in inviting me home for the holidays.
Equally shocking is my apprehension to just ask him outright – are we going to spend the holidays together this year? Especially mystifying when we’ve been so open in our communications thus far. After one too many nights dissecting the subtle hints that I may or may not be missing I decided to get a guy’s point of view in helping me assess if this was one of those relationship red flags that I typically like to ignore but should pay attention to, or if I’m putting too much emphasis on the holidays so early on in the relationship. Here’s what my pal Dylan Cohen had to say about my conundrum.
It sounds like things are going well so far, four months in and on similar paths. It also sounds like you two have already discussed what you are doing individually for the holidays. If he hasn’t invited you in on his plans, which includes meeting the parents, then don’t bring it up. Four months into a relationship is still early for this. It’d be different if his parents were in town and included you in a casual dinner. You both may see marriage and kids in the future, but bringing you home for the holiday family get-together is a pretty big statement to the people in his life, one he doesn’t sound ready to make. And that’s okay. You guys are a team and you’re each other’s publicist. How many tabloids have you read where couples get outed early on in their relationship only to see it fall a part a month or two later? Yes, it would be a big wonderful leap on his part to bring you home, but not doing it isn’t a cause for concern. I wouldn’t start raising red flags until this time next year. If he doesn’t invite you next season, then you’re more than welcome to hang with me and my friends. Until then, keep the communication open and the good times flowing.
4 thoughts on “Not Invited for the Holidays?”
Jacqueline x9472 said….
Truth be told, this may not be a bad thing, sure its been 4 months relationship is going well, he may not be quit ready to take you home for the holidays, okay well fine, But truth be told….Boy he will be sitting there with the family, the others with there loved ones, there spouses, holding them tight, but him he will be sitting there by himself, no one to hold hands with, not to mention to reach over and give a kiss to, well….This is what he will be thinking while he is there with his family and you with yours, He is going to miss like crazy and he will leave early to come rushing into your arms, this will cause him to appreciate what he has with you the love that has been developed and trust me this wont happen for Christmas, Christmas will come and he will be sitting with you next to the fire with you in his arms….
Blessings and Big Hugs!
I agree…4 months is way too soon to
“expect” an invite to a family holiday gathering. better to go do your own thing and show him just how secure a person you really are.
Great article….Gina Rose ext.9500
Good Article and GREAT advice from ‘he said’. Four months is not long enough to be included in – and thought of – along family lines. Just stay busy, hang with friends and don’t bring up the subject. This way HE will wonder what YOU are doing. You will be sending a ‘subtle’ message without saying a word and putting that uncomfortable, awkward silence between the two of you. Your non-action for Thanksgiving may change his thinking for the Christmas holidays soon to arrive. Just be cool! 🙂
Christina and Dylan,
Great article and right on point for this time of year.
Dylan, your advice is spot on as well. Four months is early on for the emotionally charged invitation home for the holidays. Do, please do, focus on how very well you are doing in your relationship after 16 weeks and consider that, as Dylan has mentioned, making that large statement of bringing someone home for the Holidays can and will cause pressure in your relationship as questions=pressure rolls down from the family into your relationship.
Also consider that your partner may hesitate to invite you home for the family because he is hesitant to expose you to the family’s individual quirks. Perhaps Grandma’s refrain is, “Grandpa always wanted redheads for his grandsons” and you’re a blond. Or his younger brother, the one with “the great sense of humour” always teases a new girlfriend and his brother with “Hey, did you tell her about your ex the contortionist?”. Does he know Mom always says, no matter how much one eats at Holiday meals, “Oh, I wish you had liked enough to eat more.” These are actual quotes from clients. Remember, he wants to continue your relationship, too.
One of my favorite clients reported yesterday that after 5 years of a wonderful, loving, relationship she is finally invited for Thanksgiving Dinner! Perfect relationship otherwise, and she decided it was worth the wait.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving,