Every evening I get calls from women concerned about a relationship gone bad. It seems to me that when we recognize a dysfunction in the male partner’s personality during that reading, the woman, being a matriarchal figure, will excuse all negative behavior “if the origins lie in the man’s childhood.” I feel as if the woman is saying to me “Yes, he was hurt, but I will never treat him like that!” And I know my client will be faithful to her word – but what she may not realize is that the closer she gets to being the epiphany of motherhood, or the mother figure, as in simply being “his woman,” the family dynamics from his past will start showing up in the current relationship. Disassociation begins even before marriage.
My mother and my grandmother Cora often took me to the side on this subject.
“Never try to fix a man,” my grandmother Cora would tell me. I remember my father (being a serious alcoholic), not thinking straight, would come to her double door sitting room and start yelling for my Mother and I. As we sat petrified, that eighty-year-old lady got right up and grabbed her umbrella which stood in a stand by her sitting room doors, and she beat the beer right out of that man. It always made me snicker, as my mother seemed so weak and helpless around him. He came back sober every time, apology in hand (in the form of roses) for Gran. In retrospect, I would have to say that the most helpful advice they gave me was to always look at a man’s relationship with his family, especially the mother-son relationship – because some day YOU will take her place, and you will be treated as he treats his mother, or pay for her sins against him.
There are rarely any exceptions to this rule, especially after you become his wife, and then the mother of his children. You will pay.
I am very concerned about the “poor you” attitude that runs rampant in modern relationships. We can’t make excuses for anyone’s bad behavior, even if the origin is in their childhood, as my father’s was. Yes, they were innocent, that’s what is so attractive to the matriarch and natural born healer within us. We need to work these situations out, not make excuses for someone’s past issues. These issues affect womankind as a whole. We need to start to heal this NOW!
My advice is to never take on a wounded man. I can say from many years of observation that as soon as he is healed he won’t need his nurse any longer. In the interim, though? He may destroy your life and the life of your children. In hindsight, many of my women are devastated that they didn’t see any of it coming. And yes, they were left behind to figure out what they did wrong.
My grandmother wasn’t trying to heal my father. She shut his bad behavior right down, in her presence, and to the best of his ability he would behave well around her. I guess that umbrella really hurt. But maybe it spoke, also, and what it said was “I won’t put up with that kind of behavior here!”
Many of my clients are left with PTSD. That term used to be associated with soldiers. A relationship is formed on peaceful ground, and should remain there. Women need to take back their power. Our own healing will help heal the world.
If you need assistance, please call anyone here at California Psychics. We’re here for you. “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”