Relationship Advice: Is Your Neediness Pushing Them Away?

Are You Pushing Them Away?

If you find yourself wondering why they haven’t called in a week or why they’re ignoring your texts, you may have to ask yourself if you’re being too clingy. If you are, your clinginess may be pushing them away. Do you feel like they’re pulling away from you? People tend to pull away when they feel smothered. To regain the balance in a relationship, you have to be willing to give the other person some space.

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Your Relationship is Energy

Think of a relationship as energy. If a couple is equal in their attention and affection, there is balance and harmony in their relationship. But if one person gives more than the other person is willing to give, the balance shifts. Then one person becomes distant and the other person becomes needy and desperate for the affection they once had. It can become a vicious cycle and one that has the ability to intensify. The result is a serious relationship crash and burn.

Space and Room to Breathe

Being clingy in a relationship won’t get you the closeness you want. In fact, it will push the object of your affection away. But if you give them space and room to breathe, you’ll draw them closer. It may sound counterproductive, but in order to hold onto something in a genuine way, you need to be willing to let it go.

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There’s a big difference between “I want you because I need you,” and “I need you because I want you.” If you want someone desperately because you need them to make you feel whole or complete, that’s a lot of pressure to put on a person and a relationship. It scares people and makes them run and hide no matter how much they liked you in the beginning. When you need someone because you genuinely want to be with them, that’s an entirely different feeling. When you both want to be with one another, the feeling is mutual and the energy between you is equal.

You’re Needy if… 

1. You Call/Text Excessively: What’s excessive? Calling or texting someone several times before they return your call or text is excessive. Don’t assume they’re ignoring you. They could be driving, in the shower or busy at work. They’ll call or text you back. If you call or text them too many times, when they finally get back to you it won’t be pleasant.

Are they ignoring you? Psychic Anasela ext. 5154 knows why they’ve been avoiding you. 

2. You Need to be With Them Every Second: Don’t mistake their desire to spend time with friends, family or pets as a lack of affection for you. You don’t have to spend every second of the day together. If you did, you wouldn’t have much to talk about. They’re busy and their life doesn’t revolve around you. Try being busy yourself so you’re not obsessing over not being together. Savoring your alone time keeps you from pushing them away.

3. You’re Constantly Jealous: Being in a relationship with someone you don’t trust makes you miserable. Also, being with someone who doesn’t trust you makes you miserable. Unless you’ve had the exclusivity talk, assume they’re dating other people, and you should be too. If you’re in a committed relationship, you should be able to trust your partner and not feel constantly jealous. Even if they’re speaking to the opposite sex, you shouldn’t worry that they’re cheating on you. Jealousy leads to anxiety and anxiety leads to neediness. You’re pushing them away.

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Be Independent

We all want to feel needed and wanted, but there is a limit. Independence is an attractive quality, and you don’t seem independent if you constantly need to be around your partner. Neediness isn’t attractive. It pushes peoples away from you and makes you a lonely person. If you have a tendency to be needy, I suggest you do the opposite of what your needy instincts tell you to do. For example, if you feel like texting them over and over before they’ve responded to your first text, stop yourself. Find something else to do.

19 thoughts on “Relationship Advice: Is Your Neediness Pushing Them Away?

  1. Joymonserrate

    I am going through something now with a woman we met a few weeks ago on fb Rangers sports site she initiated me we have been talking a few weeks I’m not sure if she likes me other then a friend except the fact that she seems to get upset when I changed my status to in a relationship she immediately sent me an inbox your in a relationship?? I said sorta she said well that was quick who are you with now she seems to get very sensitive when I am around the person I am seeing we both met in person a week ago and continued talking after but she has me very confused with mixed signals it’s like we both know we have feelings but no one wants to come out and say it she even told me while speaking on the phone she feels she can be herself with me but yet no one has come out and said how we feel about eachother she’s constantly doing things I find to see if I react almost as if she’s testing me last time we spoke was 2 days ago I had a woman over and I wS trying to be friendly and break the ice and sent her flowers in an inbox she tells me you should be sending those to your girl not me sender to someone you will get something from I haven’t contacted her since then I left the convo telling her she can be so cold sometimes now I’m upset because I feel everything is left in the air and I don’t feel I should be the one to reach out to her after how she reacted towards me but I do have deep feelings for her in a short time she has told me she broke up with her gf 2 years ago that her gf left her broke her heart and she’s not giving her heart to just anyone and it’s going to take a lot to break through her heart help me I need advice I’m frustrated what do I do

  2. Abby NEHME

    My wife moved out claiming I am too pushy and suspicious and she is on nerve medications for the last 6 years
    Her parents say I should give her time alone to recover and later she will decide if she will come back or not and that I should keep away and not contact her

  3. Marie

    Hi I was in a relationship with a guy 53 and Im 48 in the beginning it was like living a dream. We were together for a year. Went through a lot my kid and his kids we were both in accidents, he got addicted to pain pills, he had to have surgery, he lived with me and we were remodeling his house to rent for extra income. His short term disability checks would come sometimes and then not. I paid for all of the expenses at my house and paid a lot of the remodeling money. The day after we had vinyl put on his house we had a small argument and I left, he text me and told me he did not want to be in this relationship any longer. He went missing for two days, changed his phone number./ On the third day I saw him at a gas station and I pulled up beside him and tried to speak with him and he had nothing to say.. I was close with his sister and she was telling lies and asking me things and twisting them around for her conveince. it’s been three months and he still will not speak. I am finally getting back to my normal self. Unreal, I could not believe what had happen, we had so many dreams, plans for our future together, we were in perfect harmony. I feel he was my soul mate. I cant understand how someone can be so kind, loving,caring, have so much compassion and act like we were forever, then just leave and never look back. Please help my confusion

  4. Marc from the UK

    Fridge Stickers huh? lol I love the feedbacks as much as the advice. In my case, I have learned to be careful with whom I share my soul and heart with. The greatest tool in you tool box is your dignity, keep it intact, keep it in check, and never let people spend it or use it for there own use. Then you will learn that they will be like an elastic band, you pull away they pull towards you. Respect and trust are unique, but they are learned and earned qualities, I they do not have these for others or animals then drop them quickly!

  5. rick

    I went through similar situation with ex wife the more i tried to love and do for her the more she felt a need to cheat on me and hurt me but i have allways been that nice guy a pushover i guess lol saddest thing is we got 3 babies and was together since 18 divorced remarried etc.. I am 32 now and happily dating again it gets better never let anyone steal your sunshine look in the mirror and tell yourself you deserve to be happy and you are worth it I love you

  6. Prem

    Dear sir,

    My wife n I has relationship issue for 2 years. She promise to come back to me but she is busy working and don’t bothers me to talk a word in a day. I feel need her and I do call and text but she not happy the way reply to me.

    Both of us separated in same home I feel down very much because I loved her more then myself.

    She don’t response to me at all, what should I do to regain her back to my life?

    Thank you,

  7. ReikiGirl

    Dear Mendril ~ You need to simply pull away and do not contact him whatsoever. Right now all he wants to do is get away from you…give him that space. Don’t send any letters or make any phone calls, don’t even think about him. Find something you’re interested in and dive into it. You need to pull away farther than he pulled away from you. If it’s meant to be, he’ll be back. If not, he wasn’t yours to begin with and you have learned a valuable lesson. Learn to love yourself Mendril, and you will become one of the happiest people on earth. Peace

  8. Stephanie

    Extremely helpful info to follow for myself who always looks for my partner to be there but have been thinkng of other things before i read my horoscope but this just said go for it!! Thank tou

  9. LJ

    Dear Mendril:
    Don’t be so distraught – it’s better to see things as they are and were so you don’t repeat the same mistake the next time. Honestly, it’s a lesson that most of us have gone through at one time or another – that’s how we grow; so you’re in good company. They may have been your first love, but they won’t be your last – and the next time, you’ll know just what to do (and not to do), right? Live and learn and forgive yourself so you can move on – happier, smarter and enlightened. Good luck in love!
    xo LJ

  10. LJ

    Thanks Gina Rose … I love the “Kung Fu” analogy! It’s right on point. And I love the idea of having everyone post this on their fridge – yes, by all means, please do. 🙂
    Much love and many thanks.

  11. joy

    Need to know how roamed relationship works o have been needy clinging expect the worst I’m with this Guy for a week now its going great don’t want to screw this up

  12. Mary

    Thank you Teva for your conversation a few days ago. I have been helping Dad with his feet
    and he is so grateful for my help. He also enjoys my little dog Norman who stays right by
    his side while I am doing his feet. It is so rewarding to know that I am giving some joy to
    a shut in who doesn’t go anywhere. Giving a bit of sunshine is my gift to him. It will be a few
    days before I can go back to help. It takes me over 45 min to get to his place. I have so much
    to do but take time to go and offer my gift to him. He is 94. He likes the flowers I bring to him.
    Plus I baked an apple pie too.
    Much love to you for your kindness and help,

  13. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Dear LJ, you have outdone yourself on this article !!!!

    I’m giving his 10 stars instead of 5 stars as this is he type of article to be put up on the fridge and read daily !!!!!


    Remember, that exhibiting needy, clingy behavior is like trying to hold water in the palm of your hand …..the tighter you grasp it, the more it slips thru your fingers.

    Keep these coming, LJ !!!!!!

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  14. Mendril

    To whom this may concern: I am so guilty of being needy. As a result I have driven my dearest friend away, to such a point that he, said its over,he’s out of our friendship. I fell in love with him and he does not feel the same way,and it’s been a tremendous roller coaster ever since. He refuses to reply on my text and my I’m sorry letters,but realize after reading your above notes that I was the cause of my suffering now. I am devastated of coarse, Please help??


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