You’re looking for love, but your email box is stuffed with messages from posers, you’ve had your fill of happy hour at the local watering hole, and your coworkers would only be suitable dating material if the world were ending at midnight. It might be time to try a professional matchmaker or matchmaking service.
Is a Matchmaker Right for You?
If these key points apply to you, a matchmaker could be a worthwhile investment:
• You’ve been there, done that, and are not just out for an exciting hunt.
ï You’re definitely ready to snuggle down with the perfect partner for life.
ï Spending a fair bit of money for a good professional won’t hurt your finances.
ï You’ve tried the usual places to connect with a partner, and that’s not for you.
ï You can be relaxed and open with the right professional adviser.
Ethical, experienced matchmakers spend a lot of time getting to know their clients and putting the right people together. We’re not talking about sending out perfunctory videos and saying, “Pick your next date from one of these.” Real matchmakers know how chemistry works, what key issues make people compatible, and what personal characteristics define potential harmony.
For example, you might think more mature people, say post-45-year-olds, can’t find a great partner because our society tends to worship youth. Not so. There are matchmakers who specialize in working with established adults, and they understand that Rob Blagojevich hair isn’t important and Lady Gaga pizazz loses its appeal in the real world.
Successful matchmakers are skilled at understanding their clients’ needs and filling them. They get that people come in all shapes and sizes. They know that outstanding character and emotional stability can outrank flash and glitz. Successful relationships are born of honest communication and representation, and they survive on the same fuel.
How to Approach Matchmaking Safely
Are you a loser if you need a matchmaker? Not at all. Matchmaking has been a thriving business for thousands of years. In fact, only in modern times have we decided to leave the pairing up of lovers to fate or chance. Some of the most successful marriages around have resulted from matchmaking, but most such couples won’t announce their secret.
It’s possible that busy single people trying to raise children, develop a career or make important life transitions aren’t equipped to find the right partner. If a couple is good, the Earth can move, and life is amazing. If a couple is wrong together, nothing else works, and solutions can be most stressful. Sometimes, outside facilitation clears the fog so that real progress can be made. We’ve learned to trust professionals to work on our cars, arrange our parties and celebrations, even do our shopping. There’s little reason not to explore professional assistance with a most important issue, our emotional satisfaction.
Be forewarned that matchmaking, like coaching, is neither licensed nor regulated in most places. You or I could hang a shingle tomorrow and start a new, lucrative career hooking up lonely people who don’t have the time, or maybe the confidence, to get together on their own. So, proceed with caution!
Your best bet is to start locally and work carefully. You won’t find what you need in rural areas or tiny towns; instead, look at the nearest large city and interview a few matchmakers. Insist on reading the matchmaker’s contract before you put a single penny into the deal, and insist on talking with, or at least emailing, prior clients. If the matchmaker won’t agree to disclose information, move on.
The contract should spell out both your obligations and theirs. It will specify a definition of services provided and not provided, a time period and the complete fees. When you check references, ask whether the client was satisfied and what the final result was. Be pleasant and chatty, and you’ll probably get a lot of information. We all love to tell our stories, don’t we?
Investigate the firm on the Internet, looking for reviews and comments, and don’t forget the Better Business Bureau. Just as you would if you were looking for a psychic adviser or a therapist, pay attention to detail and make sure you interview the person who will be handling your account. If you are not personally compatible, the chance of a successful match is limited.