Is Your Marriage Going South?

Many of us have been there. Many of us haven’t been, but will be. Most of us have friends or relatives who have. It’s a particular situation called your marriage going south… in other words, a failing relationship.

Once you’ve been through this yourself, you can usually spot the signs in someone else’s relationship. And by the time the symptoms display themselves, it’s usually too late to reverse the situation, unless counseling is sincerely and immediately sought. The negative emotions have taken a terrible toll on the love that was once there.

One of the very first indicators is the constant disagreements. These can come into play over just about everything in daily life. They can be over what movie to watch, whose turn it is to take out the garbage, where to go out to eat, whose family is the hardest to get along with. Just about every topic has the potential for dissension. All normal people differ in their opinions from time to time, but a sign of relationship failure is when there are constant disagreements, without letup.

Further signs are the out and out arguments. The disagreements have deteriorated into arguments where nothing is ever decided rationally. When the argument begins over one topic, it usually broadens to include several (many) other topics, as well. Typically, nothing is resolved, and the arguments are repeated over and over again, at a future time. Added to this, there are hurt feelings and frustrations to be stored up, for use as fuel in further emotional combativeness.

A friend of mine was in a car accident which, fortunately, resulted in only minor injuries for her, even though her car was totaled. The other car ran a red light and broadsided her. She said she never even saw it coming. Months after the accident, she was still shaky even getting into a car. Unfortunately, her husband was a fast driver who came to quick stops, took risks, cut in and out of traffic, and so forth. She said that she couldn’t even ride with him, that she had to drive herself, even though they might be going to the same destination. Even though she tried, she just couldn’t ride with him after the accident, and this resulted in a lot of anger in her husband, as you might imagine. My friend said that she knew absolutely that arguments over this were a fair part of their later divorce.

It could be said that she was unreasonable – that even though she was very nervous with her husband’s driving, she should have just toughed it out for the sake of his feelings. On the other hand, though, why should she have to live with additional fear in order to assuage his feelings of hurt pride?

Which leads me to another sign of a failing marriage – the inability or unwillingness of either or both of the partners to see the other person’s side. The ability to feel empathy, or at least respect for the other person’s feelings, is a must in a relationship. My friend’s husband told her she should “just get over it.” He saw no reason for her to be afraid of his driving (even though he had a terrible driving record.) She saw this as a lack of feeling for her and he saw it as a lack of confidence in him.

Your marriage is going south when you hear your husband/wife coming home from work and you wish you could go right out the back door. The desire to be somewhere else, anywhere else, is not a good sign. I’ve heard people say that they absolutely had to stop for happy hour at a bar before they went home, just so they could go home.

What is really odd, though, is that I’ve heard some people say that their sex lives are actually the last thing to go in the relationship. Some couples continue sleeping together right up until the day one leaves and files for divorce. They apparently still strive to achieve some type of intimacy, whether mental or just physical, in an instinctive measure to force a type of positive change. Unfortunately, though, even though the sheets may still be warm, it doesn’t mean that the relationship is still well-grounded.

These are just some of the signs of potential marriage failure. There are more that lead up to a divorce. Some people may say that they live happily and have a solid relationship even though they disagree, argue constantly and live for their own viewpoint. But sooner or later, I believe, these things take their toll on two people who have vowed to love each other. Without respect, sharing and understanding, what long-term happiness can flourish between them?

What do you think – what’s the best way to avoid these situations… or diffuse them?

5 thoughts on “Is Your Marriage Going South?

  1. Pingback: Red Responds: He Needs More Time | California Psychics Blog

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  3. Tamara Nicholas

    I totally agree. I’m in a similar situation right now. Well, not similar… Exactly the same is a better description. I wish it were different. I want counseling. He’s even agreed to it finally. In actuality there’s no funds or time for a counselor. In actuality why can’t there just be some compassion and empathy and understanding. I know we need an outsider’s opinion/objective/unbiased… Someone to hear both of us independently and together, but that is going to take a lot of time and a lot of money and as in intuitive medium myself I know if he’d just admit to what he’s done so there wouldn’t be any more question as to the lying and deceit I could move forward with putting it all behind us. How can I truly forgive and forget when he won’t own and apologize? I can’t because that’s feeding the lie which leaves room for more lies (and it does lead to more lies believe me). He is a tool. He’s constantly trying to get me to tell him what he said or did wrong (not so he can apologize for it, but so he won’t make the same mistake again!) Sick…

    Unfortunately I’m out of work, financially dependent on him and have lost my driving privileges due to a very long story (but no, I wasn’t guilty of breaking any laws) I was guilty of being ignorant to the law and in being ignorant I thought I did something smart which was actually very stupid. I live in UTAH need I say more… Anyway, I’m not playing a victim role either – trust me I work in the field of substance abuse and I see the victim mentality all the time where everything is everyone else’s fault and that’s not how this situation is (well – it is – but it truly isn’t). I was ignorant and naive and I didn’t listen to the little voice of intuition that was telling me to back away then screaming “RUN AWAY” later on. It even went as far as to call him “the devil” when I looked at him one time after we’d moved in together before we got married. I didn’t listen and now I’m paying the price. We are soul mates and that’s not always a good thing – right…

    He came to me in dreams several times and I thought I was supposed to save him from the toxic work envioronment/employer where I used to work (where he still does) due to one of the dreams I had where I was actually flying and I reached my hand down to him (he was at the bottom of the staircase in the entry hall) and I said to him, “Do you want to fly with me?” He had a huge smile on his face, didn’t say a word but looked as if he said, “Yes” with a nod and took my hand. I woke up before I had lifted him off the ground and out of the facility/environment. So, I never actually got him out of there but he was looking to me to save him. Save him from himself probably…

    Anyway that’s all I have for now. Tah tah. (By the way, my dreams come true. The dream I had the day before I was hired on at that job I dreamt of him and the clinical director – a female. In my dream they were in the exact same places in his office as they were in real life. He stood up from his chair the same way he did in reality and said verbatim “Okay how’s Monday, Wednesday, Friday?” I knew the second that the lady had called me into his office that they were going to hire me…) Buh-bye!

  4. indigodanceindigodance

    I found out last week by total accident that my husband has been having an affair (s)… call this fate !! I was typing on his work laptop – ours has broken down… his suggestion to use his, not mine…..

    I type very quick (trained typist) hence used to pressing wrong keys … but for some reason a folder kept popping up… go away I moan… and yet again and again… So I stop and look… why is this happening. I open the folder, its full of pictures of another women in his hotel bedroom when he goes away (travels a lot). Now this is all very recent – last few weeks… so XXXX now what…

    To read the check list of arguments… yes it was all there, just brushed it aside as work pressures.

    The thing is – I want him to go, to leave, but he wants it all (house, money etc..)

    The belittlment was the last straw, the total putdowns in front of others for no apparent reason (totally out the blue) My health has not been good either for a number of years, but even that is held against me now – looks of disgust, no support (I have not let myself go – but not so much energy any more).

    So no empathy nor respect from him – just blames me for the mess he is in.

  5. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Tansy,

    I don’t blame your friend a bit…..for somebody who has been thru the trauma of a serious auto wreck , with a husband who is that insensitive to her post traumatic stress…..I would leave too.
    ( Sounds as if the husband had already ” left ” the marriage and wanted a divorce to me).

    Knowing if and when to stay or leave ” the party ” is key…… your psychic can help you view your unique situation and circumstances, from ALL angles, objectively.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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