Love With a Deadline

Whether you read this before or after Valentine’s Day, I hope it will be or was a good day for you. For many people, it seems that Valentine’s Day defines where they hope a romantic relationship to be. Love for them has a deadline!

I’m writing this, of course, before Valentine’s Day. Even without a calendar, I knew that it’s looming ahead. As the page turned to February 1, callers wanted to know if their current relationships would deepen or if lost loves would return in time for celebration on that special day.

I want to tell you, though, that February 14 has a lot to answer for, in my opinion! That day bears a lot of responsibility for life decisions that are made. The pressure that comes with its advent weighs heavily on many, as they use the day to gauge how far they’ve progressed in their love lives. It marks their “success” in their relationships.

One lady who called me yesterday wondered about reconnecting with a man that she had almost married last year. He had been calling her and wanted her to give the relationship another try. They had parted previously not in a storm of anger but because each could not seem to compromise on certain issues with the other. He wanted her to make up her mind because Valentine’s Day was approaching and it seemed like an applicable deadline to him.

She just didn’t know if she wanted to resuscitate the relationship. The issues where they had been in conflict still existed without a plan for resolution. What still did exist was the emotional attraction on each side, that strong feeling and hope for the future.

A gentleman called another night and said that his girlfriend had broken up with him due to lack of trust, and he wanted to somehow show her that he was trustworthy. He said that he could prove this to her and thought she should be able to make a decision—by Valentine’s Day.

Yes, I know that we ladies tend to be more stereotypically “romantic” than men and, therefore, I was somewhat surprised that the two men were giving this time-line for a decision. But I know also that this was a persuasive tactic, as women do enjoy so much the romantic celebration with flowers, candlelight and so on.

To set as a deadline February 14 for the resolution of emotional matters that have been simmering for some time strikes me as not only unrealistic, but self-defeating. It is an influential method for persuading another in the romance, but it still doesn’t address what originally derailed the relationship. Other callers have been hopeful that a new romance would kindle by that time, as well, but while they were hopeful with anticipation they did not seem to feel the pressure that the others did.

My advice for both was basically the same. Ignore February 14 as a date by which major decisions for the future were made. Blank out this date on the calendar and ignore those commercials on the television that hype the purchase (and receipt) of diamonds on that one day! Don’t look at those ads that shout how appropriate and seductive a dozen roses can be! When taking steps in life into consideration, view 2/14/11 as just another day.

I hope that Valentine’s Day of the year 2011 will be or was a great one for all of you. Go to a party, go out to eat, send your mother flowers and tell her how much you love her. Buy a box of your favorite candy and eat it all yourself. If you’re in a nice relationship, celebrate that and feel how fortunate you are to have this other person in your life. But don’t, please, make Valentine’s Day the arbitrary date as a deadline. Where lasting love exists, there is no deadline. It will occur naturally as it is meant to occur.

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6 thoughts on “Love With a Deadline

  1. Jacqueline

    Hello Tansy,
    What fantastic article, I agree with you Valentines day and the condentaion that goes with that can be scary, often we can put too much emphasis on the title Valentine day or your my Valentine title, when in all reality the 14 of February is really just another day.

    Blessings and Big Hugs!
    Jacqueline x9472

    Reply
  2. devyn5303devyn5303

    Hi Tansy! What a great article and so true. I think we have a tendency to build so many expectations around Valentine’s Day. Flowers and candy will never be a substitute for a year full of true caring. If you are in a relationship, show your love and caring for your partner with daily actions. If you are still waiting for your true partner to come into your life then spend that time learning to love yourself. Chocolate for everyone!

    Reply
  3. misskrystalmisskrystal

    Hi Tansy-What a fantastic title, a lot of folks really feel that way, so it’s perfect-great article.
    Miss Krystal

    Reply
  4. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Nice article Tansy…….all good points to consider……

    In the 45 years I’ve been doing readings though, I can count on one hand, the men that have mentioned Valentine’s Day as being of any importance to them. Men generally do not place such importance on that day and usually don’t understand just how much that day seems to mean to most women.

    To me, what’s more important is the general behavior and attitude of that person the other 364 days out of the year. For example, a box of chocolates, given to you by a guy who acts like a jerk the rest of the year, is just a lame way of saying ” I’m sorry “, but it really doesn’t mean that much and usually just allows him to get away with another 364 days of bad behavior in the coming year.

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply
  5. velvetoversteel

    What an appropriate and needed article for so many of us ‘singles’ right now. I’ve felt like this many times, in many years and this year I was again headed down that ‘unrealistic’ path. Funny too… I had blacked out the date and ignored the commercials & ads. Changing the channel or turning the TV off.

    Another thing I’ve been doing is ‘writing’. For me it’s blog post that hopefully will help others in the same ‘loneliness’ time in their lives. Reminding myself and others to be appreciative of the place in our lives we are in at this moment, with the lessons and growth it took to get to the Great place we are now at. The more we learn and grow before the ‘right timing’ that God has planned for us, the happier and even better, that time will be for us later.

    I know that I was lead here and meant to read this today!! Thank you, Tansy!!!!

    Hugs & Many Blessings,
    Coreen @ VOS

    Reply

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