Love Your Independent Soulmate

Loving That Wonderful, Independent Soulmate!

Part of our human experience is the search for that special person to share the journey with! We are all different souls with different stories and we connect in different ways, especially in soulmate relationships.

Most of us find that our soulmate has very similar needs to us, but every once in a while, we connect to someone who is so special to us that we just can’t let go, even if they seem to have totally different relationship needs than us! Almost always when this situation arises the reason is that we have connected with a very old soul who is very independent. Here’s what you need to know about your independent soulmate.

Personality Traits

Independent soulmates are very self-sufficient. These ladies and gentlemen are typically very focused on their careers and deal better with long- distance relationships that most other soulmates.

Extremely passionate in relationships, these soulmates light our fire in a hurry! The sex is usually extremely good, in fact, they even know how to make sexy texting exciting! They have an aura of mystery to them that intrigues and excites us. They are never clingy or needy and usually very open to letting us have some breathing room when we need it.

However, some of these same personality traits can make them frustrating in a relationship. They tend to be really attentive for short periods of time, and then suddenly absent. They may call every day for a week, then cut communication off with no explanation. Also, these soulmates are extremely likely to back away from a relationship during times of work or family stress. They are possessive of their friends and family and may not be willing to introduce you to them.

One of the hardest things to understand about them is how they can get angry and irritated when we try to do simple things like ask for more communication or closeness. For those of us who need more closeness, this behavior can drive us up the wall! We get anxious, frantic, angry and hurt because they won’t communicate with us and spend time with us. So what is really going on in the mind of your independent soulmate?

Here is the rub: All of these things are actually just part of who these soulmates are. They need to be independent. They trust more in their own strength when they are stressed out. Many of them are not ready to be in committed relationships. Some are always going to put their job ahead of romance.

But all those things aside, the truth is that they love and cherish us just as much as we love and cherish them. They just speak a different language of love. Yes, an independent soulmates may need more time alone than you or I, but rest assured that even when they are away, you are in their thoughts and in their heart.

A Little Advice

So how can we flourish in relationships with these soulmates? Our angels and guides have several words of advice:

First, have a full and joyful life. Independent soulmates feel much more secure with partners who have something in their lives besides their relationship. Invest time in your passions and dreams and build friendships that you can rely on when your lover needs space.

Second, stand your ground on important issues. If you need a certain amount of communication, you should clearly state than and expect it to be complied with. If they can’t meet that need, then you and they will both know it is time to let go.

Lastly, always give them the benefit of the doubt. Almost never does their pulling away mean they have stopped caring. Think the best of them, because they will be back for more wonderful romance with you when they are refreshed and ready!

33 thoughts on “Love Your Independent Soulmate

  1. connie

    WOW I’m head over heels crazy in love with a man like this. Really worked hard to adjust. I constantly took his behavior as not interested in me. I felt so insecure. Always asked him if there was someone else. I have discovered we appear to be twin flames. No matter what jhappens we can’t be without each other. This has never happened to me before. I’m 51 was married 25 yrs and NEVER came close to this crazy bond and attachment to any man EVER.I was never attracted to this type of man before either. I’m a mother of 5 very maternal and girly. He is a reformed bad boy, shaves his head as tattoos is a journyman carpenter. And well introduced me to crazy sex I never entertained ever before lol so opposites but man the passion and desire is WILD!

  2. Kathym

    I have to agree with Kathy. I happen to be a very independent self sufficient woman but when in a relationship I do feel the need for closeness and intimacy. That is needed for any relationship. Just because you’re independent doesn’t mean you should neglect your partner or put other things like career ahead of that person. When in a relationship it’s about priorities. I’m pretty sure no one out there on there death bed has there career sitting next to them holding there hand for comfort and if they do that’s sad.

  3. virgo2757

    Maybe we’d better go back and re-explore the definition of a “soulmate”, because to my mind, a soulmate is someone who “gets” you across the board, including understanding the depth of your need, whatever that depth is, for intimacy, closeness and affection. I’ve always felt that it was exactly that level of mutual understanding, that ability to “click” so easily, that made a soulmate so different and such a stand-out from anyone else in the circle of one’s loved ones, friends and acquaintances.

  4. Marc from the UK

    I am an independent man, and after many long years in a relationship I now dread the commitment idea, simply as I am flourishing on my own. I no longer need to be a full time dad, as kids are grown up, the need to live with someone to help pay bills and rear children has gone. So I imagine for many people like me, company is fantastic but the idea of having to be in a full time relationship is daunting. Our needs change, our time line changes, so does our spiritual growth. Without change and facing our fears and dreams how can we possibly develop? I am like a magnet in a relationship, sometimes attracting other times repelling lol, but no harm intended. 🙂

  5. Cynthia

    I am independent myself and not clingy or needy. I have interests and hobbies that are very fulfilling and important to me and certainly understand and appreciate that a partner would have theirs. However I still make the time and take the effort to let my significant other know that they are a top priority and very important to me. To do otherwise would be taking them for granted and I have learned in life NOT to take anyone or anything for granted. If you are always feeling like you need more assurance or time or communication, you are not with the right person. I suggest rather than work too hard to make the other person meet your needs, move on and find someone who does.

  6. sonia

    Life is really so interesting and exciting, most especially in the side of love. As tomy own understanding SOUL MATES and COMPATIBILITY are two different things that lovers could hardly understand.

  7. Regina

    Hello Kathy,
    I actually would like to reply to you specifically because I think I could have been clearer in how I worded this.
    Usually when a very independent person gets angry or upset when we ask for more closeness it is because they feel like we are telling them what they have given us so far isn’t good enough. They actually take these requests as a rejections of what they have already given. To them it’s almost like we are saying ‘yes, you bought me a nice box of chocolates, but I wanted a bigger one! Why do you always get me little ones? Don’t you love me enough to get MORE chocolate for me?”

    The chocolate example sounds ridiculous and rude. But that’s exactly how these souls take it.

    Also, being possessive of their family and friends: this is usually about identity. These souls have strong identities and do not want to merge their identity with their partner, no matter how much they love them. They don’t want to be part of their partner’s family, and often simply cannot understand why their partner would want to be part of theirs. (The classic example of this is a woman who marries the man she loves but refuses to take his last name.)

    Again, it isn’t a lack of love. It’s simply that to these souls, personal identity is more important than emotional closeness.

    Now, in fairness I do have to say: sometimes there are wounded or insecure souls that will show these same kinds of traits. In those cases, there is a need for healing to happen. However, this blog was designed to help some people (like me, I might add!) understand that not everyone has the same needs for intimacy, closeness, and affection. That doesn’t mean the love isn’t real. 🙂

    ~Regina 5764

  8. Carol Anne

    Thank You! Excellent advice. However my boyfriend,only loves himself and his famly. . He tells me he loves me but his actions show different. He keeps secrets and lies ( his famly does too) .I really don’t know if he loves me ? I just got a feeling that he doesn’t. LOL I got to get rid of him forever but I’m addicted like a drug. I have an addictive personality. How can I let go when I’m stuck after 16 years of crap. I never lived with him ,we both have our own place. Please can some one help me?? 🙁

  9. Elizabeth

    I love this! Thanks, Regina. It’s funny how I do these same things sometimes, yet get frustrated when someone does them to me. The more I learn about myself though, the more I love myself…and I can extend this love to my soulmate. Thanks again!

  10. Miranda Girl

    This is very interesting. I’m currently dating a guy just like this. It was difficult at first. In fact it was very hurtful. I almost felt like I was losing my mind. I went on a one month vacation to Vegas and I came back refreshed and dumped him. We are bac together. I have relocated and become very busy. It really seems like he love me more. This column is right on point.

  11. Stevie x5778

    Great article Regina. Something that needs to be taped to mirrors, refrigerators or computer screens when going through this experience. Finding the balance within yourself regardless of what the other person is or isn’t doing is challenging, but also rewarding.


  12. Marge

    I lived with a man like that for over 15 wasted years! Ouch, it hurts when you are close to the bottom of their priorities no matter how much you put in…I think, as the person ahead of me, that it is downright unhealthy to stay with someone who puts you down like that.

  13. jeannie

    Hope is always a delicious and delightful, if intangible straw to clutch, but your words of wisdom sound so perfect.

  14. Jessica

    Dear Regina,

    As one those people you’re talking about, who’s in a very successful relationship with another of those people, I can verify what you’ve said in your article, from both perspectives! Your suggestions do work–I use them with my partner–and they work on me…Just saying.


  15. John Gibson

    I really liked the message. Personally, I’ve been married before. I loved my wife very much. It was a love that grew. It takes me awhile to appreciate a person. Just watch and listen. You can usually know someone in a short period of time, I said usually. Pretty much, there’s a lot of good people out there.

  16. Rose

    I don’t know how you could be right on when I didn’t leave any info. You just popped up on my puter. Many Tks I will call soon

  17. Jean

    I must admit I am in a five year relationship as perfectly described. Kathy has excellent comments, as I would have before I met this wonderful man who I believe is my soulmate. This fiercely independent professional has a very tender side which is always worth catching. I wonder now if I am the same personality as our life paths have crisscrossed since birth and we seem to be true soulmates. I lead an independent personal life while loving this man with all my heart…

  18. gregory Morss

    I agree with Kathy. I tried to believe the advise I was given…the end result Im always last and her ex and his wife are no#1. When I decided she is not worth the time and i stopped having time for her she spent more time trying but I found someone who wants to be around but is very much independant..I love independant women but it doesn’t mean you allow someone to take without giving..because that what eventually turns out being.

  19. claudia

    kathy, I agree with you. I went through the exact same thing and it isnt an old soul, its simply that the person has other things in their life going on, are conflicted or confused and their “anger” and “irritation” with you is just resentment because you are demanding something from them that they dont want to give you or are not prepared to give to you.

  20. Dove

    I don’t know about the 1 soul-mate thing. Personally, I’m too social for 1 person to spend all my time, energy, soul with.

  21. Jeff Elvrum

    I’m a good man,who is having trouble finding his soul mate.I have had a major accident where the Doc.said I wouldn’t get out of bed,but I’m not doing to bad.I walk with a little limp and have a hard time remembering some things.So what can I do to find the Lady?

  22. Kori

    I think you are spot on Regina! It took me awhile to realize this about the man I believe to be my soulmate. Since having come to terms with his independence & deciding to look at this relationship the way you describe above, things seem to be moving forward in a positive way instead of us hitting road blocks constantly. Thank you for the insight!

  23. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Dear Regina,

    I feel as if you wrote this article about me , as it fits me so perfectly.

    As I’ve been called a independent soul on numerous occasions….LOL

    I a relationship, I can love passionately, commit deeply, but require a secure partner who will give me the space I need to accomplish my goals.

    This article is so very true !

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  24. Charolette

    Wow…I found it very interesting to read something like that is was like you was writing about exactly whats going on with me right now..I needed to hear that it really clarified a lot of things for me…Thanks

  25. kathy

    i’m sorry, but someone who gets “angry and irritated when we try to do simple things like ask for more communication or closeness” and someone who is “possessive of their friends and family and may not be willing to introduce you to them” is not an old soul. they are either intimacy and/or commitment phobic or else they are just not into you. the advice to invest time in yourself, in your passions and dreams and friendships, is always good advice. staying with someone who does not make you feel as though you are truly important to them is not good advice. there is a vast difference between independence and stonewalling.


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