Where is My One and Only?
This seems to be the question that we singles ask this time of year. Even if we have good reasons why we’re alone at this moment, it doesn’t take away the feeling of “being without.” Here are a few tools to help get rid of that empty feeling:
1. The human condition: We’re constantly bombarded with fictitious images of couples on TV, in magazines, and in movies. There’s sometimes a value set on being a “couple,” and singles are made to feel less valuable. Solution: Separate fact from fiction. Sit down and really review your life, and check in to see if what you’re feeling is based on advertisement or entertainment. Look at the real questions: Are you ready to date? Are you doing anything to be more available?
2. Emotional needs: We as human beings need to be touched, held, and given companionship. Solution: Get more hugs! Get them from your kids, your friends, and your family. Don’t be afraid to initiate hugs, even if it’s not something you ordinarily do! This will help to clear that feeling of emptiness.
3. Where do I find love? If we’re in a rut of work/home, kids/home, or any rut at all, we tend to not be around available potential dates/mates. Solution: Create a window of time once a week to put yourself in situations that open you to meeting new people. A class in something you are curious about or one you want to improve your skills in, lessons in music, going to free music performances, even bowling. Go outside your comfort zone and seek out an adventure or two! There are groups for singles that have dinner together and go to movies together. If you have a hard time getting away from home, try online dating! The idea is to get more exposure to new possibilities, and therefore new people.
4. Are you ready? Sometimes this “feeling” descends from out of the blue. Solution: And sometimes it doesn’t automatically mean that you need a new love. Sometimes these feelings come up when your existing relationship isn’t providing what you need. This can mean time to sit down and re-evaluate that relationship in comparison to what you need and aren’t getting. It can also be a wakeup call that it’s time to date after a long period of being “out of the game.”
5. Putting it all together can be a challenge. It seems overwhelming to make these changes. Yet when we’re hungry, don’t we always find a way to “change our emptiness” by eating food? If you’re “hungry” for a one and only… you may need to make a trip to a class, or go online to get the “yummy” your heart deserves!
Bottom line, deal with the feelings first, if you still feel a new love is the solution, then take action to bring that opportunity to love into your life!