(Note: The reader below refers to a dominate/submissive relationship, also known as sadomasochism/S&M. This usually involves consensual, sexual role-playing where one person is dominant and another submissive.)
I like your no-nonsense advice, and I’m hoping that you have some for me. I’m 56, and find myself in the frustrating position of having been “in love” with a long distance chat buddy for the last ten years (four of which I’ve been widowed). This is a dominant/submissive relationship. I’ve seen that you understand the degree of strength that it takes for a submissive to submit. You won’t be surprised that a great deal of what attracts me to this man is an iron will to match my own, along with mirroring intelligence, playfulness, wit, independence, ethics, and good taste. In many ways he seems perfect, and the ways in which I know he’s not don’t concern me.
This man and I have witnessed each other’s lives, and are good friends and confidants on top of having mutual kinks and an attraction and mental connection that both freely acknowledge. We touch each other with words in complex ways that others have never accomplished. We each remember and think about things that the other said years ago. And familiarity allows us to trust and continue to open our discussions to deeper shadow secrets – which, surprisingly, always mesh as well as the particulars of our initial attraction.
Both of us are damaged, and we understand in what ways. So I’ve been very patient with him. He’s extremely self-protective, however, perhaps pathologically so, and has thus far refused to meet me in real life. My friends think I’m nuts to wait for him to come around. I think he’s well worth it. One friend has been urging me to just show up and take him in hand. Although it’s an amusing scenario, I know he’s shy and I think that he’d see it as stalking and that it would violate the trust that he’s developed in me. Submission has to be his choice as well. I’m wondering if a real life relationship with me is a choice that he’ll ever make, and one that I should press for. He’s been patient with me in many ways, too, and has helped me grow on so many levels. I’d hate to lose him as a friend, and will probably continue to talk to him no matter what. If there’s a real possibility of winning him, though, I feel that I need the aid of a strategist with a clear understanding. You strike me as a person who is on his level in that regard, so I would appreciate any insight or advice that you can give me.
Psychic Liam ext. 9290’s Response:
Thank you, Barbara, for bringing me such a thought-provoking scenario. You are indeed fortunate to have found so compatible a partner in your sensual pursuits… A fellow roamer of the shadow realm; watching you as you watch him. Such a romance is very powerful. It is also very delicate, and easily misunderstood. When two people come together, energy is exchanged, and a third entity is born. An identity housed in abstract and subtle form. Such entities demand nourishment. They are subject to evolution and growth, dwindling and destruction. Your relationship is a fascinating subject… one that requires substantial alteration to the germane perception of human interaction, and perhaps even the very concept of reality itself.
First of all, we have to question what constitutes a “real” person. Like anything else in this universe, a so-called real person is essentially a presentation of data which our senses perceive and our brain deciphers, decodes and interprets. The outcome of all this is always unique. No two people ever encounter the same person. Of course, arguments over this already complex philosophical concept have extended themselves in recent years to the encounters people are having in cyberspace, and with artificial intelligence. In your case, you have been exploring the limitless creative sexual expression of a very potent cyber interaction. Such interactions are every bit as valid as any interaction you might have in real life… But understand that the creative vibration that flourishes in cyber land is dependent on a very selective presentation. We do this in real life as well, of course, constantly sifting through our personal data and deciding what to present in order to achieve a desired effect. But this selection process is more pronounced in cyberspace. Thus a cyber personality may be quite separate and distinct from its physical personality, and there isn’t always effective transfer potential. Our limited perceptions cause physical reality to be more constrained. It’s more rigid. In cyber reality, you and this man are perfectly matched, even in your imperfections. But you must understand the entities you are to each other there, and the relationship you’ve created, would warp considerably if translated into a physical form. In looking at the situation, I see that the two of you have enormous intellectual capacity to continue with this grand experiment of pleasure in alternative realities for years to come, and I fear you are teetering on the edge of destroying something quite beautiful and amazing for the sake of convention. Your friends may see your devotion as mad, because they think a cyber relationship isn’t “real,” when actually your willingness to tread the darkness together makes your relationship far more real than anything your friends will ever know. Please don’t try to stuff it in some confining little box.
It seems to me that your partner understands things a bit better than you. He knows very well that if you met in person, dated, even made love… you would lose it all. In those ordinary motions, the magic of the other universe would be sacrificed, and the desire you share would die. He has no wish to lose something so precious. And neither do you, really. I feel you’re happy as things are. It’s influences outside yourself and your need to conform to them that pushes you to risk what is so incredible. You are so much more than the physical shell you inhabit. We all are. We are infinite. Don’t put limits on what can be. Keep exploring, keep expanding… add a third party or more to your private world for your mutual enjoyment, and take them on the journey as well. It sounds like a lot more fun than sitting around listening to your friends and their empty words of advice.