Oh, the first throes of love… when chemistry knocks you off your feet and fireworks scream that this person must be the one! We all get swept up in it – and why not? Nothing feels quite like the lusty combo of butterflies in your stomach, a racing heart in your chest and tingling toes (not to mention your other bits)! But despite the pheromone rush that pulses through us all early on in romantic relationships, passion alone is not an indicator of lasting love.
If you want to assess your true chances of a successful, compatible relationship before committing, you have to look beyond the fireworks you and your new love make together and examine yourself as individuals. Ask these four questions to see if you’re on the verge of settling down or on the fence.
1. Are you both happy people – generally speaking?
Nobody is all smiles all the time. However, in order to create a pleasurable pairing that withstands the tests of time and trouble (let’s face it, everyone has them), both partners should be generally happy, well-adjusted people. Or at least be willing to work on their weaknesses. Outlook is everything! So, if you or your partner are pessimistic, or complacent, or satisfied with overall dissatisfaction, consider what that says about your potential. The glass as half empty will likely be the naysayer’s perspective in a partnership. That doesn’t usually bode well for success.
2. Are you both open to compromise and evolution?
Naturally, no one person can change another. However, when two people are in love, they should be open to altering certain behaviors in the name of compromise or consideration of each other’s feelings. Does this mean you or your partner should be willing to become new people to please the other? Of course not! But compatibility depends on compromise and the desire to grow together. Self-improvement is never a bad thing, but a relationship can only withstand the changes of personal growth, if both partners are committed to advancing individually and as a pair. If one or the other of you is not willing to continually assess themselves and your relationship, it’s a sure sign of eventual discord. One of you is bound to outgrow the other.
3. Are you both willing to talk about money – and deal with it?
Money is one of the most difficult subjects in many partnerships. When two people combine finances, it’s not just cash in the bank, but a meeting of minds, hearts and feelings. For this reason, being financially compatible is a commitment consideration. You may not necessarily see things the same way, but you’ve got to be open, honest and able to address your similarities, differences, concerns and expectations. And you both need to be willing to take responsibility for what you have, what you owe and what you want to accumulate!
While two people with no concept of how to handle money can indeed succeed in a relationship, in order to prosper together, the financially uninformed or inattentive must be willing to learn about, talk about and set goals together when it comes to your money. If you or your partner can’t get past your discomfort to address this area honestly and in good faith, there may be cause for concern… and there is definitely reason to question what obstacles a long term, joint partnership may present.
4. Do you both still surprise each other on occasion?
Popular wisdom these days dictates that people in solid partnerships know everything about each other, but full disclosure of the big stuff is possible without getting into every last detail… and it’s better that way! In other words, a little mystery goes a long way. While it is important that we understand most of our mate’s thoughts, feelings and actions, every single emotion, word or whearabout need not be communal property.
For starters, everyone is entitled to a certain degree of privacy as a person – anyone who doesn’t realize that isn’t being honest. Moreover, figuring each other out can – and should – be a life long endeavor. Even amidst the comfortable cradle of a stable relationship, maintaining personal space keeps you both engaged and on your toes. It also allows for continual discovery of new things about each other. And that alone goes a long way toward keeping things spicy… in the bedroom and everywhere else!
If your relationship is healthy, you will find yourself embracing the answers to these quetsions. If not, you can either take it as there is room for improvement, or make a decision to move on. In any case, you are on the road to a healthy, happy life by being honest about what you want, what you have and what you need. Good luck!
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