I am in love with two guys at the same time. The first guy is someone I love wholeheartedly but who really takes me for granted and I feel does not really care for me that much though he says otherwise. The second guy knows that I am involved with the first guy but loves me nonetheless and demands nothing in return. He is caring and very very understanding. But none of them come close to the perfect guy I have in mind. Is there anyone made for me out there or will I always be in such a confusing situation? I have been unlucky/betrayed in love before as well. What should I do?
Greetings, Somaya, and thank you for this fascinating inquiry. It does sound like a bit of a conundrum you’ve found yourself in, but fear not because your situation is ripe with possibility and bleeding the potent fluids of sensual experience. One of the surest marks of understanding and erotic maturity is the realization that a single partner cannot be expected to satisfy all needs of another individual. We are multidimensional beings, though our perceptions are very singular, which makes it all terribly confusing. We want very much to believe there is one individual, one lover who can satisfy all our desires sexual, emotional, and spiritual. But that belief is often the surest path to disappointment and disillusionment. Different people have different and sometimes very unique ways of dealing with this most haunting of lessons and how you deal with it will depend very much on your acceptance of yourself.
Your lovers are both very interesting, aren’t they? They both satisfy you on different levels. The fellow who is a bit of a rogue does things to you sexually that no man has ever done and few probably ever could. You happen to be a selective sort sexually; sensitive and highly strung … and that chemistry aches to be matched by a more brutal sort of lover. However those types are never the most adept at emotional reciprocity. Your other fellow is fine husband material. I see that he is a hard worker and good with children. More importantly, you can spend all evening just talking to him and best of all — he worships you. Unfortunately, in bed I’m sensing there’s trouble with your orgasms with him. You experience just a few and often none at all.
It would indeed be nice if we could combine the finest qualities of these two into one being. Alas nature doesn’t work that way. But I ask you, why fret? Why must there be only one lover to satisfy every ache and need? Part of the beauty and power of nature lies in the charms of her diversity. You are under no obligation to choose either one of these men as a single lover, and you are fully capable of enjoying both of them as you wish.
I sense that you could enjoy the company of many men, if you so desired. That’s simply your nature and there’s no need for you to apologize for it. I urge you to make no false promises to either man — and no silly judgments of yourself. The perfect man doesn’t exist for you — at least not right now. Perhaps not ever. It’s possible that true perfection resides in the experience of the moment. For you, they also lie in the fragments of the souls of many lovers. Succulent food for thought.
Do you have a question for Liam?