If your sex life has gone through one of those awful, silent, sexual dry spells, step one to getting back into business between the sheets is to talk about it.
Are you both in agreement that it’s time to reactivate? If so, don’t expect your first time back together to be like those slow-mo bodice-ripping movie trailers, leading to fireworks and a shared cigarette. After all, the pressures, stresses, and anxiety that may have made “no-sex” your comfort zone as a couple might still be at play — no matter how much you both say you want to “make each other scream” in the sack.
Sexperts Masters and Johnson (and many others since them) believed in getting back to into action slowly — perhaps much more slowly than you may want, especially when the sexual disconnect has been long or is fraught with anguish. Their solution: ease back into sex through a practice called Sensate Focus.
Therapists who teach Sensate Focus to their clients ask them not to have sex at all (which may be a big turn-on for some). This is just for the time being, so you can focus on the lighter intimate sexploration of touching, massage — and just lying together naked.
The goal is to take turns learning about what feels good to your partner, and to teach your partner just how it is that you want to be touched — without the pressure of having to get to the “Big O” right away.
Are you willing to put this kind of time and effort into rebuilding your sex life?
Do you have tips that helped you and your partner rebuild a mutually satisfying sex life?