When a partner cheats on you, it’s as if the wind is knocked out of you. In that moment, your reality alters. The impression you had of your loved one is out of whack with the reality. Your conscious and subconscious are out of alignment causing you confusion, distress and anger. Sometimes we lash out from our first instincts which can cause us regrets later.
How do you align reality with your impression? Also, how do you deal with the fact they cheated on you? Here are three tips to help you better relate with your spouse and within yourself.
1. Ask a lot of questions
As Psychic Uriela says in the video, ask a lot of questions. When you know all the details and taken the time to think about it, then react and take action.
Take your time to choose your reaction and allow your mind to become more peaceful. After hearing the news, your mind will be in conflict. Take the time you need to figure out how you really feel. Awhile ago, a partner had cheated on me. Over the course of our argument, he accused me of being jealous. I realized a few minutes later (while still arguing with him) that I wasn’t jealous. The fact he didn’t tell me that he had slept with someone else was the real source of the problem. That core detail threw me for a loop.
It gave me clarity, and I was able to talk about how his betrayal upset me. How he had pushed too far on my boundaries and not only offended me, but the trust I felt for him and our relationship.
2. Create Your Definition of Cheating and Share It With Your Spouse
Can you prevent cheating? No, but you can discuss what it means to you with your partner before it happens. You can set up the expectations that if they decide to cheat on you what will happen.
We can communicate with anyone at almost anytime through the phone, e-mails, texting (even sexting!) and social media. You’re able to virtually meet everyone online and build relationships. So is it cheating if your spouse sexted someone? Is it cheating if they have strong feelings for someone else, but will never act on those feelings? Or is it alright if they sleep with someone else as long as you know about it?
Create your definition of cheating and then share it with your loved one! If your partner doesn’t know your boundaries, you can’t really hold them accountable. Do not assume that your partner shares the same definition of cheating as you do.
3. The Repeat Cheater
Anyone can change—themselves. I’ve learned the hard way that I cannot change someone else. While some partners may never cheat again, you might need them to explain why they feel the need to have sex or a relationship with someone else. If you don’t get the answer that works for you, that’s a huge clue that the relationship has run its course. No amount of hoping will change that person to be monogamous until they are ready (if ever).
Consider this: there are people who believe (whether they realize it or not) that not one person can fulfill their entire lives. In these cases, they might explore a polyamorous relationship. However, there are still folks out there that really like living on the edge. If this isn’t for you, let go and move on!