Men Cry, Too
The man’s handbook of getting over a break-up is a short read. It’s about two pages long, and encourages men to be thankful for their freedom, fall into a drunken stupor, and wake up next to a one-night rebound feeling great about themselves. This is the handbook that has been written by such known ladies’ men as Warren Beatty, Tiger Woods and Wilt Chamberlain. However, there is also another handbook hidden in the closet of the average guy. This is the one that gets used the most. Allow me to highlight a couple of pages and clue you in on what men actually go through each time their relationships move south for the millennium.
Stage 1: Ambivalence & The Drunken Stupor
According to an online survey by Men’s Health, over a quarter of men go out on a drinking binge to ease their pain after a break-up. These guys are looking for an easy way to feel better, and since they don’t feel comfortable with showing weakness in front of their friends, they let alcohol do the cheering up for them. Unfortunately, for many men, it is his main squeeze who he shares the majority of his feelings with. When she is no longer around to console him, he may feel like there is nobody else to turn to.
Sugar Coats it
In the same Men’s Health survey, it was also discovered that a surprising number of men (36 percent) take the news of a breakup as a welcome invitation to find someone better, have more sex, and hang out with his single buddies. In some cases, these guys claim to have actually smiled, said they understood, and then casually sauntered away into the sunset. This is how he made it appear, anyway, as this was often to mask his true panic, frustration, and discomfort. If a man can sense a break-up is coming, studies suggest he will become more proactive towards finding a solution. These are the moments when a guy may beg, plead, and offer suggestions for the problems he’s been ignoring.
Denial and Panic
Studies suggest that the guys who have no idea they are heading for a collision course to bachelorhood, are surprised when a woman throws up her hands and runs for the hills. These are the guys who will be in denial after the initial talk (or text), and may need to be in touch with his ex several times before he realizes this is the real thing. When a man is rejected, it damages his self-image, and he will do whatever he can to reclaim it. Sometimes this means panicking, and sending her daily messages on Facebook; other times, he may join a dating website to hook up with a rebound.
Stage 2: Acceptance & The One-Night Stand
Similar to the drunken stupor, some guys look for instant gratification following a break-up, focusing on the one intimate activity he will miss the most… the sex. A one-night stand may seem better than a gallon of ice cream and a few Chuck Norris flicks, although it fails to address his feelings, so it can end up prolonging his suffering. This is where a guy can get himself into more trouble if he goes home with a bad girl who decides to take advantage of his crumbling ego. She may give him what he wants, but he will pay for it with his time, dignity, and sanity.
“Set a deadline on grieving [over a broken heart]. We’ve all done it. Your heart is broken and you just can’t seem to drag yourself off the couch or bother to shower and get dressed. You can’t eat or you can’t stop eating. You don’t answer your phone or call your friends. It’s ok to grieve when your heart gets broken but when you wallow in it too long it can lead to a nasty depression. Don’t give them that kind of power over you. Make a pact with yourself that on day two or three you will get up, get dressed and call a friend to go somewhere, anywhere. Take a walk, go to a movie, go to the pool or go ice skating, dress up and go out to dinner with someone. Re-engaging in the world is the way back into the light.” – Chloe ext. 9421
Realizes Those Sugar-Coated Prospects Are Going to Take Time
This is the moment when a guy realizes that it is going to take time to get back to the level of intimacy and security he was used to. This can be depressing. However, this can also be the moment when he decides it’s time to reach out for consolation from a friend or family member.
The Dam Eventually Breaks
It’s not until a guy gets past his initial reaction, that he can mourn the loss of his love relationship. He may approach one of his alternative female support networks, including his mom, sister(s), or close friend, and confesses his true feelings. Once he has had a chance to gush, he can take his ex off her pedestal, gather up the objects that remind him of her, and get them out of his sight.
Stage 3: Motivation
This is the final stage where a guy will look within himself, learn from his mistakes, and emerge a new man. While his initial feelings of the break-up may have turned his energy towards destructive activities, he is now motivated to use this time to better himself. While wanting to succeed in order to gain revenge for being dumped may not be an ideal reason, it can create the opportunity for a lot of personal growth, which will make him a tastier batch of leftovers when he’s served up the next time around!
“Like with all things, it has to start with us, but a heart is not forever broken, unless we allow it to be.” – Lacy ext. 5494
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