Soulmates Can Come in Forms We Don’t Expect
When I was in my early forties, I realized just how empty my life felt and how deep my desire for love was. I was splitting up with what seemed to be my umpteenth boyfriend, had already been divorced twice and was still longing for love. I thought my prayers were answered when I ran into a friend that I hadn’t seen in months, and as we chatted I felt an unusual rush in my chest as though an elevator just lifted me up. This feeling seemed unique and had a moment of bliss attached to it; I asked my friend if he was experiencing the same thing, which he was. Yes, we were both into spiritual, new age subjects and just assumed it was one of those spiritual, new age things.
The next morning I woke up not with the bliss I had felt the night before but with a painful sense of longing for love. I wanted my friend to connect with me, but he couldn’t because he was married. Now remember, I wasn’t planning to have these feelings, nor did I have a hidden agenda of getting with a married man, friend or not. My pain increased and became a feeling that I couldn’t reason away with my mind or overcome with any form of escape. All I could do was face myself and the emotional pain within, which was to become the foundation of the work I do with clients.
The pain within is not an easy feeling to experience, but as I began this inner journey to heal, I realized that the inner work I was doing was the true work of self-transformation. I realized that as my desire for love was reaching a feverish pitch, my defenses, the tough side of me, the woman who thought she could live without love, was falling away. Vulnerability was taking over, and I was crying like a baby from just wanting love.
I realized that my friend was a soulmate, a catalyst for me to face this hurt that had ruled my life and caused me to wander from relationship to relationship, which were always with a type of man that was cold and emotionally unavailable, much like my mother was.
So for two months I was an emotional wreck, until one day the pain had reached the core and instead of torture I suddenly experienced a spiritual shift. I felt that I wasn’t separated from love and that God not only loved me but I was connected to God and the world. My inner self was elated and the pain was gone, and I was freed from longing that my friend would leave his wife for me. The next day, on a blind date, I met my husband.
So when my pain healed, love immediately followed.
We have been together for over fifteen years now. Every day this man lets me know how much he loves me, so different from my previous marriages, or relationships. As soon as I changed at the core, my outside reality shifted and brought me the love that was right for me. Many people that I work with have the same challenges that I experienced. They live a repeating cycle of going for the same type of person, one who is unavailable emotionally.
Many women get stuck in over-giving to their man, while he in turn takes and takes and becomes quite spoiled and selfish. Such women will often just continue giving until drained dry, and then often find themselves abandoned in the end. They often think that if they just keep giving he will someday change. But it doesn’t seem to work that way.
The secret to a successful relationship starts with the relationship you have with yourself. When there is an inner sense of love, respect, worth and spontaneity, one will radiate that and the external world will respond. But most of us don’t have a real sense of worth, so we pull on our partners to keep giving us the worth that we felt in the first six months of meeting. Many shaky marriages can still be turned around because people don’t stop loving each other; they just run out of energy to feed the other, because they let their inner wells run dry.
A woman who lives with an insecure man is not helping him if she is constantly over-pleasing and trying to comfort his insecurity by caving in to his jealous demands. If she stops being herself, then she will emotionally lose her sense of self and slavishly cater to his festering insecurity that never gets better. She’s then trying to get her worth by over-pleasing, and he is trying to get his security by over-needing, and they both end up with nothing but feeling hooked in a stuck pattern.
My soulmate friend eventually left his wife for another woman. We are still friends. I realize that his job as a soul mate was to trigger my deep wounds of abandonment that I experienced as a child. Some soul mates are here just to trigger soul growth. I had a dream after I met my husband that let me know that he was a soul mate also, but it was our destiny to be together. Yes, we do have more than one soul mate.
My goal is to teach you how to change your inner relationship with yourself by working through those subconscious thought patterns that keep you stuck.
So if you’re finding yourself stuck in a repeating pattern, consider a session with Kim ext. 5512.
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