"He Cheated on Me"

Yani wrote:

I got married in December 2002. I was really happy for the first three years. Then I started having these dreams — I should call them nightmares -– in which he was cheating on me. So I told him and he said, “That will never happen.” But, he was seeing somebody by then. It still hurts. I will never forget this because he cheated on me! They still talk. He has her phone number in his cell phone. For me this is the end of everything! But I can’t let all this go. Please help!

Psychic Liam’s response:
Greetings — my friend. Looking at this, you might assume it is a chaotic mesh of happenings and coincidence which led to the demise of your marriage.

However, nothing could be further from the truth. Your marriage, you say, was a good one. And on the surface it seemed so, but I sense very strongly that deep within you, you were nursing a world of hurt caused by men from your past.

Your fear of infidelity and your sense of insecurity were not born in this marriage. You brought it with you, and for a time, it slumbered.

But it always lurked beneath the surface — a phantom of fear and self-loathing. Those dreams you had were very dangerous things. I always advise my clients to approach intuition in any form with extreme caution, lest you manifest fear inadvertently. The dreams were intuitive only in that they showed you “one possible outcome.” That outcome just happened to be the one you feared the most. So you dwelt on it and replayed it over and over again in your head, putting more and more energy into your fear. You allowed it to become an obsession.

The power of suggestion is very potent. You say you accused your husband on a single occasion, but I feel he knew of your suspicions long before. Yes, he was tempted by this woman, and knew that you suspected it would bother you. It became that much more alluring. You made this woman a forbidden item; made her appear threatening and sexually potent in his eyes. You created the archetype for him and though your suggestions might have been slight at first … it’s a slippery slope.

Ironically, I don’t feel your marriage is as doomed as you seem to believe. But counseling is definitely in order, and you must get help for your self-esteem and fears. This will sound radical, but at this point, you cannot demand he give her up. If you do, it will only thrust him deeper into her sphere of energy. She has a great advantage here, but, I sense he still wants to be married to you. Work gently with him. Be nurturing. Suspend your judgments and never use guilt tactics. Most of all, stop giving her energy to play with. They are not sleeping together now. But if she has her way — they will be soon enough.

16 thoughts on “"He Cheated on Me"

  1. mousebee

    in my opinion,when your partner cheated on you, u should stay tough n stand your ground.let the person know it’s not acceptable n if it does happen again u will be gone forever,n really do it.

  2. Sebrina Lee Biscardi

    Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater!!!!! How about a man who claims he loves you and is getting a divorce.. later to find out that his poor wife knows nothing of the sort!!!!!!!!!!! I always promised myself that I would NEVER date a married man.. I kept my promise, not just because I have morals but also because I was cheated on with the man I married over 24 years ago; I wasn’t in love with him, but that isn’t the point. Point being, we took our marriage vows and I meant mine.. unlike him. I feel that when you are married, don’t start a new relationship or even start thinking of having a new relationship BEFORE YOU TRY TO WORK IT OUT WITH YOUR SPOUSE, ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE, OR YOU GET A D-I-V-O-R-C-E!!!!!!!!!!! I wash my hands of all men at this point in my life.. tired of being caught in the middle of their cheating ways and then I feel like it’s my fault.. well, it’s not my fault!! I guess I have to do a thorough background check BEFORE I REALLY date again, that is if it’s even worth my time?!?! I don’t consider the internet chatting anything but fantasy anyway.. but it you’re married – what the hell would you want to chat with a single man or woman for??? Why would bring an innocent person up in you damn mix??? People need to start taking their marriage vows very seriously, it’s such a shame many do not!!! God bless you who have been cheated on, but just know that it’s better you found out NOW and moved on than never finding out your spouse is unable to faithful!!!!

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  6. Cynthia

    Sabrina, I agree 100% with you, but I also respect other people’s opinions as well. It is very obvious that men see things and feel very differently from us. I think your comment will help that woman in some way, and hopefully she will see things clear and make the right decision for her and her happiness. Hopefully she will. I am a very strong believer that when u take bows with the person that your in love with before God, you should make sure that you mean it and that no temptation will be strong enough to brake them apart. Temptations are everywhere, but when you truly love someone, cheating and hurting the person that you love is the last thing that you want to do.

    God Bless 🙂

  7. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Liam,
    Yes, I agree…..whenever the,
    ( usually wife ), focuses on
    the ” other ” woman…..she is taking the spotlight off of herself and shining it on the ” other woman”…… making the husband take notice of the other woman and peaking his curiousity.
    As the saying goes, ” curiousity killed the cat “. The wife has, at that moment, given away her power.
    I’ve actually seen a few wives drive their husbands into the arms of the other ” patiently waiting ” woman thru fear and insecurity on their end.
    Last week a wife called me, telling me that she had accused her husband of cheating on her two years before he actually had the affair with the woman she badgered him about jealously two years prior……
    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  8. Liam at ext. 9290

    Hiya, Maryanne! It is always so cool to hear from you. How are things going? Indeed, it is often the case that in such situations, people tend to give their rival tons of energy via focus. And, as you know, that’s exactly what their rival wants them to do! If someone is given a heavy amount of value by another, be it positive or negative, that person becomes a factor in the scheme of things, where they might not have been such an influence before.
    Thanks for all of your great observations. You rock!

  9. Liam at ext. 9290

    Greetings, Gina Rose. And thank you again for such kind words and good points. I know from clients that you are also one how favors a direct route, and this is indeed a good thing. Be well, my friend.

  10. Sabrina Markon

    Apologies in advance for being contrary to the other responses and to Liam, who is very respected (by myself as well..I’m just a regular reader but I tend to agree with everything he writes normally, for what its worth)
    Anyway sorry, but someone should mention that the decision to cheat was the HUSBAND’S. The betrayed wife did not “make” her husband cheat.
    It makes it sound, in the reply, like it is her fault he cheated: This is why the reply says “you cannot demand he give her up”?
    Am I the only reader who felt something was a bit “off” with this?
    I think that she has every right to demand he give her up because he is her HUSBAND and he is the one who is cheating..breaking HIS promise to her to be faithful.
    He is supposed to be there for her, swore he would be, yet instead is out fooling around. Isn’t that why we call it “cheating” and it is grounds for divorce? Because its a serious betrayal? (unlike your spouse feeling insecure).
    It is WRONG to cheat on your spouse when you have both agreed that neither of you will do so (and he lied and said he wasn’t when she asked!), even if your partner is thought to be insecure, you have an argument, they leave the toilet seat up, or forget to pay a bill. If you cheat, you are not only compounding existing problems, but creating new ones. If he was indeed cheating because his wife was insecure and accusing all the time, he still made that decision himself and should have left her first. But he didn’t, because he still wants his wife and another woman too!
    If he wants to still be married to her, then the onus is on HIM to stop cheating and help her to recover the marriage in a united effort, not continue cheating with the fallacy “well you’re insecurity MADE ME cheat and I now deserve to have a wife AND a girlfriend!”. Then maybe she won’t feel insecure anymore knowing that he stopped cheating to help save their marriage! Maybe she wouldn’t bring insecurity into the relationship if her husband was HONEST.
    I do agree that repeatedly doubting someone’s loyalty in a relationship can catalyze an EXISTING TENDENCY for their partner to cheat, but I seriously doubt her dreaming about it or voicing her worries to him CAUSED and CREATED it, particularly since she says “But, he was seeing somebody by then”…
    I read her story as:
    “He was seeing somebody BEFORE I had the dreams.
    I mentioned them to him fearing they were true.
    He lied to me saying they weren’t, but then they turned out to be true after all.”
    More of a “warning” dream than a “negative possible outcome” dream, in my opinion. I wondered however if I missed something. If this was a forum post perhaps she went into more detail? For instance, I also cannot find any comment by her above that says she “accused him” of cheating. All I see is that she told him about her dream and he reassured her with a lie that the dream would never come to pass while it already was.
    As I said, I do agree with what was said, that insecurity and dwelling on a fear can increase likelihood of manifesting the very thing being worried about, but I think in her case, she had reason to worry. He WAS cheating on her! That was his decision and I think she was right to feel insecure in a marriage where her husband has proven himself to be dishonest.
    I have myself been both a cheater and the one cheated on.
    When I was the cheater, it sure would have been mightily comforting to my guilt to read from a respected source that it was just my spouse’s insecurities “making” me cheat and I should have the right to keep both my spouse and my lover…just the excuse I would have been looking to glom on to any time my spouse’s emotional needs were less than perfect!
    Both the husband and wife in this story, if they do indeed want to continue their marriage, should go to therapy, I think. But to show he does indeed want to remain married to her, as Liam says he really does, the very very first step is to lose the girlfriend he’s acquired, and never speak to her again in any way, and he should do this himself without his wife needing to tell him.
    At the very least, if he is told by his wife to get rid of the girlfriend and doesn’t, to me that would make it quite clear that he is not serious about the marriage at all but is the kind of man who wants to have a family life only sometimes, at his convenience when he is done with cheap thrills. If he doesn’t get rid of the girlfriend, that is, I think she should consider leaving him. It takes two to make a marriage work and both need to repair the damage together.

  11. Psychic Maryanne Ext. 9146

    Thank you for an extremely on point response in this article-lack of self-esteem and deep insecurity can certainly cause that which we fear the most.
    Your comments about giving the potential “other woman” power by focusing on her were perfect.
    I totally agree-as difficult as it may be to overcome, never allow insecurity to ruin your relationships and life.
    Psychic Maryanne
    Ext. 9146

  12. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    BRAVO Liam !!!!…..
    yes, I agree…..the ” other ” woman became tempting ” forbidden fruit “……turned into a self fullfilling phrophecy.
    yLiam, you cut right to the core of the matter…..
    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500


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