What to Expect When Getting Back Together with Your Ex

getting back together with your ex

Should You Do It?

No matter what advice you receive on whether or not to get back together with an ex, you are most likely going to want to find that answer out for yourself. Which means, of course, getting back together with your ex (or two), at least once in your lifetime. And if you’ve never experienced this before, here are a few tips on what you can expect.

Everything is New, But Old Problems May Resurface

To restart an old relationship right, you’ll want to begin as if you’re getting to know each other for the first time. You truly need to come from a place of allowing for a fresh start. The good news is, perhaps there were things you missed the first time around that you can now become open to. Just keep in mind that anyone can change for a couple weeks, or even months, but more likely than not, either you or your ex are going to return to the same old habits that lead to the breakup in the first place. This is especially true if the breakup wasn’t exactly clean. The key is to be prepared for this reality and have an idea in place on how to make it work, whether it will require a perspective shift in order to experience the situation in a new and different way, or an improved way of communicating your issues with your partner.

Don’t Expect a Second Chance to Find Forgiveness

Unlike what your heart may be telling you, you don’t give a second chance in order to find forgiveness. It is actually the other way around. You need to have already found forgiveness for a lover before you can properly give them this second chance.

Expect Some Moans (That Might Be Worth a Listen)

If you told your friends and family your ex was the devil, they will not be there to welcome them back with eager arms. In addition, keep in mind that your friends and family can sometimes “see” your relationship clearer than you can. This is why you will want to heed the comments from those Negative Nellies, but just don’t let them ruin your fresh new start. And while it will not be easy to get an ex back into their good graces, your happiness will be the first step. Just keep in mind, these Nellies care about your happiness and are worried for you based on the history of the relationship they’ve come to know. But they will be there if you need them. It’s easy to separate yourself from the people who seem to be against your second-chance relationship, but that’s the worst thing you can do. If this relationship does turn out to be toxic once again, losing your support system will only increase your chances of ending up back on this rollercoaster romance.

Accept the Clammy Handshakes, But Strive to Prove Them Wrong

The moans are coming from both camps, so while you’re busy tending the fires from your own side, your ex will have their own share of negative feedback. As said before, your best defense against defeating this negative criticism is to prove your rekindling is bringing you both happiness in a healthy way.

Social Media — To Announce or Not to Announce

It’s difficult enough to tell your closest friends and family that you’re getting back together with your ex, but that feeling can be compounded when you’re announcing to the whole (social media) world that you’re back on again. In some cases, you may want to consider that you are in many ways literally starting anew, which means not announcing any exclusive attachment. Just keep it on the dating level for now and see where it goes one day at a time.

Golden Rule — Two Strikes and They’re Out

There may be a lot of good reasons for getting back together with your ex. Perhaps a lot of things have changed in your lives since the first time around and it will actually feel somewhat easy to create a fresh start. If too much time hasn’t passed and/or the second try is already working its way around to a third, you may be feeling ready to open your heart again, but please do so with eyes wide open. It can become all too comfortable riding this rollercoaster with a toxic partner who is simply never going to work with you. Break-ups can become a tactic of “control” some partners use to get what they want. If your partner truly loves you, they would not risk losing you in a manipulative effort to get what they want. And if they do “truly” love you and this is their highest capacity of showing it, you wouldn’t want that kind of love, anyway.

14 thoughts on “What to Expect When Getting Back Together with Your Ex

  1. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Great article Eric…..

    Remember , if you want real , lasting happiness, I always say : To Thine Own Self Be True !!!!!

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

  2. marie

    my ex boyfriend keeps trying to come back. we dated for 11 plus years. he didn’t want to settle down with me. he left me many times for someone else. I just cant go thru this again.

    1. Lacey

      Than don’t. He’s obviously not healthy for you and treats you poorly. I’m sure you can find someone who sees how lucky he is to have you.

  3. Israel Gutierrez

    Me and my girlfriend broke up 2 weeks ago and.we ended in.bad terms she falsely accused me of domestic violence when she knows I would never hurt her but she has a little girl that I see her as my daughter and I miss them both alot and I don’t know what to do?

  4. Paula

    oops I did it again. went back three years ago and recently ended for the same reasons as before. searching for answers I am pretty sure he is a narcissist. I am an empath, an enabler, and a highly sensitive person with terrible boundaries. the exact person a narcissist looks for. He fed off of me for years leaving me exhausted, confused, and empty. never being validated for the thoughtlessness or hurt i had endured. in fact when i got upset he turned it around on me saying i was too dramatic. i need counseling. these people pretend and put up a good front for the world, while they are being terrible to you. its so hard to leave them. they will just give you a few crumbs ever once in a while to make you think they are changing. I think I have PTSD. I feel like I am the crazy one and my being upset was wrong. who knows.

  5. Psychic Ivy ext. 5198

    Hugs Eric… I feel one of the main things is not to think that the old problems can be solved the first week. Time takes time. If there is love there new things can be learned. You just need to know…really know their intentions. Great article!!! Hugs
    Ivy x5198

  6. Veronica Smith

    My relationship has been 4 yrs long and we have gone though alot of ups and downs however as it stands right now i feel as if we are starting all over again without a break up. So reading this makes me feel a bit wierd about my own situation. I dont know how to appraoch him regarding this feeling. But the article is definately on point. I need clarity as to whats going on in my relationship that is ongoing.

  7. Ferahnaz

    My boyfriend is 19 years younger than me. We been together for 3 years. We are very attached to each other. He wants to marry me, but I can’t make a decision.

    1. Quinn ext.5484Psychic Quinn

      Hi Ferahnaz,
      I can relate to your situation. When you got together the age difference was there. If it did not sit right with you at the beginning why get involved? He is a good man with substance. After 3 years if you cannot make up your mind perhaps a reading would help to figure things out.
      I have been told age is just a number and to be honest there are some situations where that is true.
      When in doubt make that list – the why you should marry vs. why you should not marry. Weigh it out.
      Love is a beautiful thing and it would be sad to let go of man because of his age.

  8. Robin Cooper

    You hit it on the nose thus time I’m really confused about starting over with him. I really do love him but I really don’t think he loves me the way I should be loved. I love that you know what’s going with me and as soon as I get enough money I’m going to call I need more advice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. God bless you

  9. Phyllis

    Thank you for the getting back together advice, but its just a little bit late, im dieing over here. Got back together with that man that said he changed, and then he said he would change and nothing changed at all. I was sitting here thinking about how to tell him once again im done, and for real this time. He seems like he is so happy, but I’m not..


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