I get hit on a lot by men who are my daughter’s age! It’s flattering, but it’s not realistic. It’s an enduring relationship I’m after… I’m around younger men because I’m a nursing student but I’m looking for tall, dark, handsome Mr. Wonderful in his lovely mature form. In the meantime, should I just continue flirting with these sexy, darling young ones?
A Reluctant Cougar
You go, girl! You still got it! Okay, all cheering aside, yes – by all means continue flirting. Here’s the thing – even if you don’t want to “play” with these young ones, flirting is a dying art and it takes practice. Keep getting the nice attention and ego boosts of these stud-muffins so you’re more confident and ready when the more age-appropriate candidate crosses your path. And at the same time, don’t discount every man just because he doesn’t fit your picture or doesn’t match the external “check-list” you have in mind – one of these younger guys might be your perfect match and the man you’ve been waiting for. I’ve had many clients disregard younger men who were after them, thinking the men would be too immature or unable to sustain their interest, only to give them a chance and happily marry them! You never know – it’s a man’s internal qualities, not his age or height or hair color, that matter most.
I have to admit I think there are very few good men. I’m sure this affects the type of men I meet. The one and only man whom I thought was cool (my step-dad) “accidentally” grabbed my butt one day. Please help. I do want a deep, meaningful relationship, but I have to get out of this head space.
Having Trouble Trusting
Dear Having Trouble,
Yikes – you have good reason to be on the defensive, and yet you’re right – this negative attitude about men definitely is having an impact on your love life. Why? When we have a belief of any kind, our brains tend to only notice things that match our beliefs. So, when you go around thinking there’s only jerks in the world, then it’s only jerks you’ll see. If you had no good men around when you were young, you’ll feel unfamiliar and therefore strange around good men. So start small – don’t worry about dating now, let’s “rewire” your brain. Start talking to all kinds of men, and asking women you know if they have any nice men friends you could meet and form friendships with, too. Get to know men through people you trust so they come “pre-screened,” and slowly form connections with men as acquaintances and friends so you build your inner belief that good men exist. Once you’ve started to shift your beliefs then worry about your love life. And, who knows? Maybe one of these “good” guys will be your guy.