Enlightening Answers: A Total Jerk and Online Dating

Carol Allen of KarmaAir.com’s Enlightening Relationships answers your questions. Read more…

I met my current boyfriend this past June, at the end of my senior year of high school. Although we were getting along well and talking easily with each other, his friends told me I shouldn’t be dating him, that I didn’t know the real him and that he was a total jerk. They told me to trust them and leave before I got hurt. I didn’t listen. Life with him was good – he confessed to me that before he had met me, he was dead inside and felt like he could never love anyone, but he fell in love with me the instant our eyes met. However, I didn’t know about his extremely short and horrid temper until a couple of months ago. He seems extremely paranoid and delusional to the point of chaos. He takes everything too seriously and jumps on me about little things. When I try and talk to him about it, he gets so defensive and starts yelling and being sarcastic, calling me immature. I want to make this work but it’s straining me to the point of a meltdown and I don’t know what to do. Everyone says I’m too good for him and that he’s a terrible boyfriend, but I care too much for him to give up now. I just need a little guidance.

Young and Trusting

Dear Young,

Yes, you do need guidance. So, here’s my experienced, educated, trained, researched, more than twice-your-age feedback…. trust me here – ’cause this is what you must do. Ready? RUN, RUN, RUN! This man is a sick puppy and you need to believe his friends, believe your support system that is telling you to leave, and most of all – believe how he is behaving! STOP believing how your starry-eyed romance began and the powerful connection you feel to him. I am sorry, but he told you himself – he is dead inside, and you cannot save him or fix him and will sacrifice your sanity (and most likely your safety) if you stay and try to find the necessary fairy dust you think you have up your sleeve to handle this. You don’t – you’re not an angel from another dimension. You’re a young, inexperienced woman who doesn’t know the ways of the world yet. This is an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. I strongly suggest you seek help with this from a trained professional (see www.teensagainstabuse.org for information and education) and move on to find a man worthy of you, who can treat you kindly and with respect for longer than two months – like forever!

Get going!

I’ve been chatting to a guy I met through an online dating site. He lives in another country yet I knew within minutes that this was the man I loved. It’s now over two years and though we haven’t met in person, I somehow am unable to dismiss him from my mind. I’ve dated other men through the sites but haven’t been even slightly interested.

Cyber Hooked

Dear Cyber,

Oh my dear – it is such a big world! Do you know there are almost seven billion people on the planet, at that just under half of them are men?! Why are you sitting on a shelf dreaming of a man who has only exerted enough effort on your behalf to type?! Two years and he hasn’t gotten on a plane, train, or automobile to come and whisk you into his arms? This isn’t “the man you love” this is “a” man you “think” you love – and guess what? You can feel that way for lots of men! Truly. Even Romeo was in love with someone else at the start of the most famous love story of all time – not Juliet! Seriously – go look it up! A big aspect of love is the result of focus – find someone else to focus on and those feelings will follow. I know you’ve tried, but you need to throw out a bigger net and keep trying… Please! Now! And if you let your fingers do the walking in cyberland again, make sure you only “chat” with men who are local and ready to do the face-to-face real thing or stop all contact. You have waited long enough.

Good luck,

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