I’d really like to know the rules of relationships. I strive all the time to keep mine alive and well with my husband – some times are harder than others, some times are easy, but I want to know all I can to help us stay together forever. Is there any key to marriage I may not know of that you can suggest?
Married and Striving
Yes, there is one single key that will ensure you’ll be as happy as possible in any committed relationship and it’s very simple – so simple, in fact, that most people don’t do it! I learned this through my training with the controversial Sterling Institute of Relationship – I’d tell you one of my own gems, but this one is the best anywhere and it works as if by magic and will be your guiding star whenever you don’t know what to do. Ready for the perfect answer to keeping a marriage fulfilling and forever? Give him what he wants when he wants it, no more and no less (provided, of course, that it won’t hurt your property, well-being, health or children…). And yes, I’d tell him to do the same thing. It’s easy – when he wants you to go somewhere with him, you go. When he wants your support, you give it. When he doesn’t want to do something, you respect that. When he wants space, you leave him alone… If your husband is a good man, what he wants will be reasonable. And you’ll find that the more you do this for him, the more he’ll follow your lead and do so for you. Everyone wins and everyone feels supported and loved – so there’s no reason to ever leave. You’ll see quickly the power of this winning formula. Now get ready to be happier than you’ve ever been!
I met this man online back in 2004 and we talked for a long time. He told me he was engaged and living with a woman. We finally met in March 2006 because he thought she was running around on him and he swore it was over. We continued to stay in contact. The last time I saw him was in November 2006. I’ve fallen deeply for him. A trusted advisor of mine told me he was “the one” and that we’d be married. She’s never been wrong but it’s been over nine months and no word from him and his email is disabled.
Signed: Out of Touch
Dear Out of Touch,
Wowza – I hate questions like this and here’s why (please forgive the old-fashioned, big sister lecture, but you need one badly): You met a total stranger online. He told you he was unavailable and committed to another woman… and you “talked for a long time” and met him anyway! He showed you from the start that he’s not trustworthy, a liar, that he can’t be monogamous (at least not socially), that he likes to keep his options open, that he starts relationships before he’s ended them, blah, blah, blah. My dear, you’re waiting around for a SHMUCK. I don’t care if 85 psychics, angels and disembodied spiritual masters have told you he’s the one. This man is not marriage material and will never be anybody’s one! Forget him immediately – you’ve “fallen” for a fantasy and are hooked because there’s no one else in your life. It’s a huge world with tons of available men to love – try to discover why you’re not letting any of them into your life, and do what you need to change that – today! (Get into therapy, support groups, hire a love coach, etc.) And never date, meet, or so much as email with a lying, double dealing man again – or it will only be a matter of time until he’s cheating on you!