Elephant in the Bedroom

When the fantasy of a good night’s sleep becomes more appealing (or at least less energy-consuming) than the prospect of a mind-blowing orgasm, you’re in a sexual slump. Trouble is, you can’t afford to let your sex life go gently into that good night. And if you have already, it’s time to resuscitate!

By ignoring a sexual slump, odds are, you’re only making it worse – in the bedroom and in general. When your sex life sags, it may be a symptom rather than the problem itself. It’s easy to assume that sex just fades with time, but it’s more likely that it fades with individual satisfaction. Translation? If you’re not happy and fulfilled personally (read: individually – outside of your romantic relationship), your sex life will suffer.

Why? Part of the struggle of any long-term relationship is predictability. Things become routine and the excitement goes out the window. By maintaining a strong sense of individuality beyond their partnerships, couples are able to sustain some sense of mystery. They have more to share and are more interesting to each other and thereby report a more active – and engaging – sexual connection.

Desire boosters
If you find your libido lagging for longer than a few weeks (and it’s not hormonal, which is always a possibility), ask yourself if you’re otherwise fulfilled. What can you do to bring more joy into your life? Whether it’s making time for a new hobby, putting some effort into pursuing a dream you’ve put off, or simply not feeling too guilty to take a night to have dinner with friends, expanding your horizons will make you feel more desirable – which does a lot to increase your desire!

If you don’t do it, gradually you’ll only want to do it less, which will leave you feeling more disconnected. This is something that will simmer just below the surface, taking its toll on your regular interactions. If you do make time for sex however, you not only get to release pent up stress – but the benefits of doing it regularly go beyond the occasional energetic release. Women who are sexually frustrated tend to keep it bottled up, making them more volatile and sensitive – or prone to taking things the wrong way. Likewise, men become more argumentative and easy to anger, which makes them more likely to blow up – or take off, even if it’s only to avoid a fight in the short-term. The point? Sex fosters a better environment for communication, which leads to a more fulfilling emotional and practical relationship

New moves
If you’re bored by the routine sex that often accompanies long-term love, make it a point to switch things up. Start by moving it out of the bedroom for a night – until you’ve hit a different room in the house each week. Change up the time of day or the position. Even if it’s awkward at first, force yourselves. And don’t ignore the awkwardness. The ability to laugh about it together in the moment will reinforce the fact that you’re in this together. It will loosen you both up a bit, so that trying something new isn’t so daunting next time!

Give it – get it!
Pleasuring your partner is the ultimate expression of love. Sadly, committed couples often find that by the time they’ve given their all to the kids and their jobs they don’t have the energy or inclination to give even more to each other. That said, we all like to feel special, and knowing that we’re adored can be the ammunition we require to face another day. What better way to show your love than sexually?

So when you’re tired and you don’t feel like it, make up your mind to give it a go anyway. If not for you (this time anyway), then do it to give your lover the experience of your unadulterated, uninterrupted adoration. Odds are, they’ll be happy to return the favor.

The more the two of you put in the effort, the less it will feel like work. As with all activities, sex gets better with practice. You owe it to yourself and your relationship to get back in the swing of things! Not only will it improve your odds in the long run – it will seriously enhance the game while you’re playing it!

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