Cybersex: Is it Cheating?

Does Bad Behavior On the Internet Count as Infidelity?

The Internet is a portal into many different cultures, people, and experiences. The excitement and intrigue in meeting someone online whom you might otherwise never have met has led to many different types of dating sites. While these may have initially been created for single people, sometimes committed partners stray to these sites in search of entertainment. Presenting yourself as available, emotionally or physically, while in a committed relationship is false advertising. If you take the online interaction to the next level, such as cybersex, the question arises: Are you actually cheating?

A Few Good Rules of Thumb

Generally speaking, there are a few codes of conduct in a relationship that may clarify some morally questionable behavior, such as what constitutes cheating. It’s always best to avoid deliberately doing something behind your mate’s back. In general, if you’re feeling guilty about whatever it was that you did or are thinking of doing, it is probably a bad choice.

Is It the Act or the Intention?

This has been a common question connected to many of the discussions and philosophies on the subject of cheating. If someone thinks about being with someone else, is that technically cheating? Many people say no. But what if the person is engaging in sexual communication with another? Would phone sex, or cybersex, be crossing the line? There are many who say yes. Whether it’s through words or physical action, you are choosing to engage in a sexual act with another person outside of your relationship, and probably without your partner’s knowledge.

It’s Up to the Other Partner to Decide

In the end, it may come down to whether or not the other partner feels cheated on. Every relationship is unique, and only the two people involved can ultimately decide what does and doesn’t work in their partnership. Be honest with each other. If there’s any question as to whether or not one partner may be disrespecting the other, it’s up to the other partner to decide.

In our tech-friendly age, it has become increasingly easier to blur the lines of “appropriate communication” with others while maintaining a committed relationship. Texting and the Internet offer a buffer between the physical world and the ether world of technology, allowing some to rationalize away these behaviors with so much potential for infidelity. As a general rule, when looking to others outside of your relationship to fulfill a need, you should always take some time to evaluate your partnership before doing so. Perhaps there is someone out there better suited to you and your needs. If you choose to indulge in cybersex while in a committed relationship, you must respect your partner enough to give them a head’s up, and their say in the matter—even if it’s an ultimatum.

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14 thoughts on “Cybersex: Is it Cheating?

  1. layla

    caught my, now ex boyfriend, having cyber sex with MULTIPLE women. Going on since May of this year, atleast from the looks of it through what I have seen. There was more I haven’t looked at because I was devistated to see this happen, but at the same time not very suprised from him. He has hurt me plenty of times in the past, it makes me think now that I was just his “toy of joy” whenever he wanted someone around only when he felt bored or to make me happy, but anyways, yes it is cheating. I felt disrespected, betrayed, and so many emotions ran through my mind and my stomach. I was angry and upset. There were good memories of us going through my mind, thinking of how much I thought he loved me. What I find stupid of him is that he broke off the relationship because he felt stupid for what he did and I deseve better. What the ****?! I will make that choice for myself, NOT HIM! Cybersex is still an motional boundry that should not be done! Since there is no physical activity going on doesnt mean there isnt any emotional intamacy going on between one other person, that is NOT your partner.

  2. Danielle

    I do consider it cheating. I think if it hurts the other partner, then you shouldn’t be doing it. If you’re doing it secretly, then you probably shouldn’t be doing it.

    When I go on the computer and see provocative, suggestive and or nude pictures of other women or videos or porn, it hurts me. I do whatever he wants or needs in the bedroom, so why does he have to look at others? I’m sure if I turned around and started looking at other men and keeping their pictures, he wouldn’t like it. And especially if he feels he needs to hide it and do it behind my back because he never does it in front of/with me, then he MUST know that it’s wrong!


    Now if just LOOKING hurts so much, then I would definitely say cybersex or phone sex IS cheating to me.

  3. Ella

    I did it….I’m not sorry….he is my soulmate from age 7…..It was a natural progression for us. Yes it’s messy….but I don’t regret it for a moment.

  4. Ella

    I did it….once….I will never do it again with any other man.

    It’s different when you meet up with your soulmate again after so many years. Before anyone accuses me of anything, it wasn’t easy for either of us but we can’t stay away from each other in whatever form that now takes place.

  5. jim

    i am aman i will tell you that woman cheet too then the want both of you you cant find love because woman dont know what they want?

  6. Steev

    Depending on how far you go & what the ultimate intention is is the crux in my mind – a little flirtation is fine but when that flirtation leads to bigger and heavier interaction your flirting with disaster even if you are only on the internet, if for no other reason than your devoting time and sexual energy to someone other than your spouse. Mabey your marriage is weak – thats understandable but don’t screw around with somebody else untill you are no longer connected . Don’t sacrifice your integrity – I used to not poke people on f.b. because i figured it was sexually suggestive, I’ve been assured by many people that poking is NOT anything more than a way to get someones attention or to just say ” hello “, Now i poke, but it’s something i wouldn’t do if i thought it would lead to something more !

  7. Guy

    In responce to christina you can trust a man with all your heart just make better choices I know how you feel samething happend to me with my ex. Not all people are the same this is why I stay open minded even though I have been very hurt my self

  8. lisa

    no i dont think its cheating
    i chat with many men overseas and there is no chance of ever meeting these guys
    its like looking at an image on the screen that doesnt seem to be real
    and as for phone sex no i dont think thats cheating either
    talking with a person on the phone i will never meet and never know about their life

  9. always going to be alone

    i think its cheating this happend to me many times and caught them first with my forst then my second dont know if I will find someone who aint bored with me =(

  10. fran

    To me , cheating is cheating …no matter what form it takes or is referred too…I agree with Gina Rose…it usually ends in physical encounters.

  11. Christine

    Not only did my finance have cybersex, he left me for the woman. Thats bad enough right? well add that to not only did he leave me five days before my mother passed away(which he knew as we were just told she only had about a week to live) But he never told me, then I find out she was from another country….she was married too! Unbelievable…

    I am so tired of the excuses everyone makes for men who cheat, it does not matter what the reason, the fact is a man who cheats is a coward, a liar, and just too dam lazy to fix whatever their problem happens to be. In my case I was taking care of my dying mother and “I was lonely” is not an excuse. Thats HEARTLESS!! I am glad he is gone but I did learn a very valuable lesson, Never, ever, trust a man with all of your heart….

  12. Kay

    That is so true Gina. It happened to me, The man I loved and trusted with all my heart was doing the exact same thing with someone over the net and phone I knew nothing about it, never suspected a thing. Then out of the blue He dumped me using the excuse he didnt know what he wanted in life needed to get away to think and sort himself out. I eventually found out what he was up to, the plans he made to meet up with her using the excuse he was visiting his parents for christmas. Within3 months he moved back to his parents interstate to be closer to her. He was doing it for 4 months before he dumped me. It broke my heart and I still hurt 12 months later, so many lies I’ll never understand why, I am so lost and alone I really loved him. and sadly always will For me he was my life.

  13. Rose Cocca

    i trust you with my whole heart and i forgive what you forgive you what you done..(which i dont know what about) please lets have a normal relationship…truthfull…love …fun…no cheating….(for both of us)…just like every one does…I TRUST you….i know i hurt you with my words..and like i say i gettong to be like sherlock holmes..trying to make out of all mess that WE ARE BOTH IN…try to understand when i hurt you i am hurting myself….i making out a puzzles and sometimes i dont get it and sometimes i think i got it….so try to understand far as getting to wont let come to see you. you know you wont let me in..i do not know how to text..what made you think im cheating..with who?

  14. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Well…..looking back at the many readings I’ve given on this topic,… I would say that cyber sex and phone sex is a very slippery slope that usually leads to physically cheating…..because, it seems, that where the mind wanders, the body usually follows.

    Now….of course, there are exceptions…..but looking back over past readings and from what I’ve gathered from clients…..over 70 % of cyber sex and phone sex lead to physical encounters.


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