We all want to believe in love, in the idea that love can last forever. The truth is – it can. But, not every relationship is meant to last forever. So how do you know when it’s right to break up? Usually when your head, or heart, is telling you to.
Breaking up is never fun, no matter what the reason. It doesn’t matter if you’re doing the leaving or the one being left – mental, emotional, and often financial anguish can fill your being with despair. The transition from couple to single is a major change, and this decision usually doesn’t come about lightly. Often, the fear of the unknown, or the fear of being alone, can pull you to want to stay. If you think that staying in a relationship might be easier, you could be right – but ask yourself, is easier necessarily better?
Assessing your relationship
From friendships to lovers, relationships are supposed to enhance your life. Every relationship is bound to experience troubling times, but not every relationship has the ability to survive. Sometimes, it depends on how bad you want it – or want out. So, if you are thinking about a breakup, be honest with yourself and look at why.
Most people have at least a little list of annoyances and imperfections regarding their partners and relationships. After all, no one is perfect! However, along with the bad, there should be a longer list of good things – things that you like, love, or make you happy. If your happy list keeps coming up short, then it might be time for you to go.
Lost that loving feeling
People fall out of love. Some people were never in love to begin with. Either way, when the passion fades, fantasies of freedom can preoccupy the mind. Your partner may be the most awesome person, possibly head over heals in love with you. It’s quite the complicated quandary. If you can live like this, the relationship may endure. However, if you can’t, you know what must be done. It is completely your choice.
Significant issues that lead to a breakup are usually the ones with no middle ground. As an example, you may desperately want children or a family and your partner adamantly doesn’t. This can be a time-sensitive issue. If you aren’t willing to change your stance, why would you expect your partner to concede. The clock will continue ticking and you could lose the window of opportunity if you stick around with the expectation that they will change.
Money is often a huge consideration in relationships. Many people will forego personal happiness for the security of the all-mighty dollar. That’s a choice. However there is a flip-side to the equation if your partner is a financial detriment. Some people just aren’t willing to carry their fair share of financial responsibility. If the benefits of the relationship outweigh the fiscal drain, then continue merrily on your way. But if your relationship is unfulfilling and dragging your into the poorhouse, it may be time to go.
Drugs and alcohol can become major problems in a relationship. Just because the two of you partied till dawn in your 20’s, doesn’t mean that it fits your lifestyle now. When one person chooses to walk the straight and narrow and the other still parties hard, it usually causes a rift in what was once common ground. Whether you’ve changed your habits or your partner has, there is no guarantee of tolerance from either side.
Know when to run
If you are in an abusive relationship, whether it is mental, physical, or emotional – it most certainly is time for you to go. One occurrence is one time too many, but a pattern of occurrences is a big red flag waving for you to get set and go.
Whether your reasons for ending a relationship are clear or murky, no one feels really good about being the one to say goodbye. If you are in a relationship that drains you, no longer serves you, or just plain doesn’t feel right – it’s okay to accept that it didn’t work out, and go your separate ways. Much of the process is simply based on you – what you want, don’t want, or how you feel.
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