It was a warm Friday night when I met him. He was tall, dark, painfully handsome, had a successful business…and he was flirting with me. We had been talking all night –drinking, laughing, and sharing. His attention was intoxicating and when he touched me to emphasize points of conversation, my body responded eagerly.This guy was trouble – he was dangerous. Oh…did I mention he was married?
Not a lot of women admit to the fact that they have been “the other woman.” I do, I have, multiple times, and I used to be proud of it.
My younger years were spent haphazardly breaking hearts and being emotionally unavailable. My moral standing had always been different than those around me, when it came to affairs, my tag line was, “I have no responsibility for his moral obligation.” I was a wife’s worst nightmare.
I wasn’t scared of this man (hereafter referred to as Joe). The position of mistress was actually quite enticing – I didn’t want commitment — I had no reason to ever want him to leave his wife, because that would violate my cushy existence.
I was candy, I was the escape, I got all the sex, all the presents, all the fabulous vacations, delicious dinners, without ever having to deal with the emotional turmoil potentially caused by being seriously invested in another human being. Previously, every married man I had been with left their wives “for me” (despite me telling them not to). Ironically, maybe even in a karmic way, the one man I wanted to leave his wife, the one man I accidentally emotionally invested in, is the one man who didn’t.
I started a torrid affair with Joe – phone calls, dirty text messages, phone sex, trading of naughty photos, him flying me across country so we could physically realize our lust for each other. Did I mention that the sex was the best I ever had in my entire life?
Every other time, I had always been in control. But for some reason or another, whether it was that he was just more charming, the sex was just that addictive, I lost my control. I let him in. I became the woman I told myself I would never be – the mistress waiting for something that was never going to happen.
It took him months of breaking me down, bombarding me with a passion and love that I thought only existed in cheesy romance novels and even cheesier chick flicks before I gave in. Utterly, completely, stupidly, gave in.
I suffer from very little personal guilt in my position – as I said, I wasn’t the one married, I broke no promises. However, given that I’m now single, done with the man who played me like a professional, I now have a sisterly guilt.
I realize, he not only played me, but he also played his wife – and continues to do so. That realization has lead me to never want to be a mistress again. I somehow felt close to his wife, even though I have never met her in my entire life. Somehow, we shared this moment in time with this man, and now we’re stuck with it. I feel awful for her, as she continues to live in an ignorant position with Joe.
If you find yourself in a position to be a mistress, I’m not going to tell you not to. I have no place to say that, given my history. But if you decide to embark on that lifestyle, remember that you are in it for you – not him. Be sure that you are aware of the whole situation, and stay in control. Never fall for them. As a breed, the straying husband, is incapable of ever returning that love.
Have you ever been the wife or the mistress? How did you recover?
Get more insight! Sign up for our free daily horoscope and newsletter.