Confessions of a Mistress

It was a warm Friday night when I met him. He was tall, dark, painfully handsome, had a successful business…and he was flirting with me. We had been talking all night –drinking, laughing, and sharing. His attention was intoxicating and when he touched me to emphasize points of conversation, my body responded eagerly.This guy was trouble – he was dangerous. Oh…did I mention he was married?

Not a lot of women admit to the fact that they have been “the other woman.” I do, I have, multiple times, and I used to be proud of it.

My younger years were spent haphazardly breaking hearts and being emotionally unavailable. My moral standing had always been different than those around me, when it came to affairs, my tag line was, “I have no responsibility for his moral obligation.” I was a wife’s worst nightmare.

I wasn’t scared of this man (hereafter referred to as Joe). The position of mistress was actually quite enticing – I didn’t want commitment — I had no reason to ever want him to leave his wife, because that would violate my cushy existence.

I was candy, I was the escape, I got all the sex, all the presents, all the fabulous vacations, delicious dinners, without ever having to deal with the emotional turmoil potentially caused by being seriously invested in another human being. Previously, every married man I had been with left their wives “for me” (despite me telling them not to). Ironically, maybe even in a karmic way, the one man I wanted to leave his wife, the one man I accidentally emotionally invested in, is the one man who didn’t.

I started a torrid affair with Joe – phone calls, dirty text messages, phone sex, trading of naughty photos, him flying me across country so we could physically realize our lust for each other. Did I mention that the sex was the best I ever had in my entire life?

Every other time, I had always been in control. But for some reason or another, whether it was that he was just more charming, the sex was just that addictive, I lost my control. I let him in. I became the woman I told myself I would never be – the mistress waiting for something that was never going to happen.

It took him months of breaking me down, bombarding me with a passion and love that I thought only existed in cheesy romance novels and even cheesier chick flicks before I gave in. Utterly, completely, stupidly, gave in.

I suffer from very little personal guilt in my position – as I said, I wasn’t the one married, I broke no promises. However, given that I’m now single, done with the man who played me like a professional, I now have a sisterly guilt.

I realize, he not only played me, but he also played his wife – and continues to do so. That realization has lead me to never want to be a mistress again. I somehow felt close to his wife, even though I have never met her in my entire life. Somehow, we shared this moment in time with this man, and now we’re stuck with it. I feel awful for her, as she continues to live in an ignorant position with Joe.

If you find yourself in a position to be a mistress, I’m not going to tell you not to. I have no place to say that, given my history. But if you decide to embark on that lifestyle, remember that you are in it for you – not him. Be sure that you are aware of the whole situation, and stay in control. Never fall for them. As a breed, the straying husband, is incapable of ever returning that love.

Have you ever been the wife or the mistress? How did you recover?

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25 thoughts on “Confessions of a Mistress

  1. Rose Cocca

    my partner never lies to me…what he says is honest…i bekieve him what he says..if he says he is not cheating ..i believe..but then im not his wife…we are both capable of loving each other..that we can trust on another…if your boyfreind has a wondering eye the he could not care for you very much…he is looking at something else..he is not happy with you…we are both we trust each other…i dont feel like im his way…he is down to earth …

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  4. Liddy

    As a wife who has been betrayed – shame on all of you for playing around. There is a lot at stake – children, emotions, etc. With technology in todays world there is no reason not to know someone is married.
    Shame on the man as well. Marriage should be based on trust – if you don’t want to be faithful (man or woman) – then get out of dodge and play around. And don’t pick on the wif and call her dumpy – you have know idea what is going on behind closed doors of their relationship. SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!!

  5. Hooksey

    I can relate to this whole
    I started a r/s with a guy two years ago n I fell in love with him believing he was single. We got on great enjoyed each other tremendously went on a holiday to find out when we arrived home he was still with her. He denied ever being with me n told her not to listen to what I had to say because I was only trying to cause trouble. When I heard this and being very emotional, hurt, betrayed, etc I decided then to gather up all our txt messages, our holiday pictures, our flight tickets, our hotel room invoice the lot and gave them all to her. It took me along time to get over him even then I still loved him and always hoped we could some day be together. He would ask different people questions as to what I am doing, even accused his cousin of being with me. After two years I started moving on with my life, n out of the blue he started txting me, ringing me n coming around. Because of the feelings I still had for him I let him back into my life again. He told me that she is still living with him but once her house is finished n if I’m still willing then we can be together. We again went on another holiday I decided to tell how I was feeling n I was afraid because I don’t want to have them back in case of being hurt. He told me not worry it will be ok I believed him.
    We returned home n I haven’t seen him since, we have had a couple dispute txt messages n after weeks of me asking him why isn’t he speaking, n if u don’t want contact then please just tell me, I also asked him did he have feelings, n if not n you are staying with her then say so and I will walk away. He said “No not that I just need some peace for awhile but walk away any way :\*”.
    I am so hurt n so many questions and closure to have I don’t know how to get through.

  6. Debbie

    I have been the mistress for two years. In the end after all of the promises to leave, he never did. Ladies, never allow yourself to be his option. I am heartbroken. The wife is lazy,dependant, and not feminine at all but he still obviously wants her. I on the other hand am hard working,independant,and very feminine.I believe that he enjoys the challenge of trying to get her to love him. Don’t fall for the lies and pretense. If you have, the best revenge is to move on and allow him to see that you have. Love should not hurt either physically or emotionally. They both are getting what they deserve…each other

  7. Sorah Suhng

    Absolutely. Which is something that I realized late in the game, but I am now thankful for that clarity.
    Fortunately, for me, there were no children involved ever in my role as the other woman.
    Here’s a toast to never going through that again!

  8. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Darcy,
    By the way….
    I DID think that was pretty funny when you told the mistress that your husband would be moving in soon.
    I’m sorry that happened to you to begin with,….
    … but the way you personally chose to handle it was hysterically funny.
    Bet the mistress never saw that one coming, huh ??? LOL
    Have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!!!!!!!
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

  9. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Darcy,
    Well, in the case of ” shocked “….I would suggest the wife do the initial confrontation at a counselers office OR….in her home…..( with a counseler, or capable individual with counseling experience present there instead).
    I would set up THE INITIAL FIRST TIME MEETING with the mistress and the husband
    in a safe place.
    IF he refuses to meet BOTH of them for this FIRST TIME meeting in a counseling type setting ,then the wife should arrange a surprise meeting in her own home, or a friends home…. with a church member( with counseling experience) or a counseler present.
    ( kind of like an surprise intervention)
    (Relatives present may add to a already tense situation….not good to use relatives).
    My point is that the wife AND the mistress both need to confront him TOGETHER, so he cannot tell the wife one thing and mistress another.
    The above is all about the INITIAL first time meeting between all three of them…..because you want him to chose either the mistress or, chose to stay with the wife and break it off with the mistress in that initial meeting between all three. ( ONGOING marital counseling will do no good with the girl friend tucked away secretly on the side….that’s why all 3 need to meet in the very beginning).
    What you are talking about is marital counseling, long term, overall to save the marriage… far as marital counseling ( in some form or another)…if he will not go….it’s usually game over.
    I see a 50/50 split with husbands going thru marital counseling…..
    ..But, MANY ,many men will cut loose the mistress when caught AND CONFRONTED by BOTH women…..they are NOT willing to take a financial ” hit” going thru a divorce.
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

  10. Taryneamado

    Wow this article brought up a lot for me. I was the wife who was left behind while my husband had an online affair and then abandoned me and my at the time 2 year old son. My husband was going through a severe mental breakdown and was an alcoholic at the time. I started to put my foot down and insist that he quit drinking and get some counseling. He was coming home so wasted he couldn’t walk and once he was so drunk he was not responsive and I had to call an ambulance. He became abusive and controlling in many ways. He found a mistress who would listen to him and feel sorry for him. She would even send him homemade wine and such. She made is behavior so much worse for me because he had someone encouraging it and condoning it. Finally he said one day he was going to work and never came back. We live in Sacramento area and he drove all the way to Southern California to be with her. He abandoned us and his other daughter. I was a stay at home Mom at the time and he left me with no money ( another thing he used to control me with). But, looking back that was one of the best days of my life so I guess I should thank her for taking him off of my hands! LOL She soon found his behaviors to not be so nice. He has returned back to the Sacramento area after two and a half years to be with family. My life changed for the better that day and I was set free. But mistress’s need to consider how their behaviors may effect the family’s life, how they are perpetuating that person’s negative lifestyle how it reinforces there behaviors and their right to live like that and treat people that way. It has been a hard road but even though being cheated on his very unpleasant and hurtful it helped set a path for wonderful change in my life.

  11. Sorah Suhng

    I would be lying if I said that I haven’t thought about telling the wife.
    However, it really isn’t any of my business at this point (at least I feel that way).
    I’m going to let the universe unfold the way it’s suppose to.

  12. TereseTerese

    Don’t forget that the man who cheats on his wife also cheats on his mistress!
    I was unwittingly involved with a man who was in a committed relationship with another woman. He and I had no commitment, so I didn’t feel a deep betrayal when I uncovered the whole thing. But I also figured that if he was sleeping around with me, he was doing it with others, and would continue to do so.
    So I told the girlfriend, she called me names, and, naturally, she didn’t believe me. She called me back almost exactly a year later and told me she was sorry and that I was right. She found out because she got an STD from him.
    What a world. If you are a mistress, please — at the very least — protect yourself with a condom. Don’t be as blind as the wife. And if you do have second thoughts, feel guilty, break it off with him, whatever — why not tell the wife? She might not believe you, might go into denial for a while, but she will be on notice for the signs. It just seems like the right thing to do.

  13. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    As a psychic with over 40 years experience ,
    I can say that it is extremely rare to read for a ” mistress” that actively sought out a married man with intent to bust up a home and marriage. I find that, rarely, was it a pre-meditated act….rather, something that just happened spontaneously or,at the other extreme end, slowly evolved over time.
    I am neither defending or judging anybody or either side here…
    As a professional psychic ,it is my job to stay totally objective, regardless of religious,political,or personal beliefs or,**** past experiences in my life.
    My Guides are here to answer questions and help guide the client towards peace and happiness.
    However….I think the ladies that stepped forward about being a mistress were incredibly courageous, forthright and brave. I think their postings may even help the wives out there, who may think their spouse is cheating.
    To the married ladies out there who ” think ” their husbands might be cheating…don’t go into denial and wait….be pro-active. If it turns out to be a PROVEN fact ,( not rumor or assumption based), that your spouse is cheating …try not to heap all of the blame on the mistress or girlfriend, remember,… it “”” takes two to tango”””.
    Counseling is a great place to start IF you suspect a cheating spouse.
    And a psychic reading can be very calming for the mind, heart, & soul.
    In my line of work….***** there are exceptions to every case….I’ve read for a few mistresses who actually helped a man ( and his children as well) get out of extremely abusive (mentally, emotionally, even PHYSICALLY abusive) marriages.
    I’ve even read for wives who turned out to make best friends of the mistress after BOTH ladies learned the man was lying to them BOTH!.
    Every case is different…
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

  14. trinity

    Well i met a married man at work. He would tell everyone he is getting divorced. He used to flirt with me and called a few times. But i stated i don’t date married men. Even thou i slowly fell for him. we never dated or anything. But when he asked if he had a chance with me I stated i don’t date married men. I know i would have waited till he divorced but he mentioned about being friends i was insulted as he lead me on . But i have respect for myself and his family and feel myself and his wife and kids deserve respect. So if the man isn’t divorced, he is not available yet. Women no matter what you tell yourself cheating with a married man is bad for all parties. Don’t think karma won’t catch up with you. Also don’t think you’re above it all and indispendsable. You are not.

  15. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Dear shocked,
    1. Her call to herself was NO accident, or slip of the tongue.
    2. SHE is not confused, she knew exactly what she was doing….she was baiting you, she actually wants you to call her back!
    3. Before you react at all, stop and take a deep breath first and think about this. Do you really want to try to save your marriage or not (?) Do you kove him enough to want to try to heal the marriage(?). These are all questions you need to ask yourself first.
    4. AFTER, you have thought it thru….I would arrange a meeting, a meeting where all THREE of you , husband included, can sit down and talk.
    ( You might want to arrange it at a counselers office maybe). This way,with all three of you together in a meeting, your husband can’t tell you one thing, and her another thing.It should be at a place where you feel safe.
    5. The way that somebody else might have reacted to this news…. might not be the best way for YOU to proceed.
    Think this all thru first, follow your heart, and handle this as calmly as possible.
    6. You really need a thorough reading.
    too many serious factors that will affect your life long-term here at stake… to be handled in simplistic fashion on a blog.
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500
    Blessed Be )O(…Gina Rose ext.9500

  16. Kitcat

    I’ve been the mistress, only once and I was completely head over heels and I was completely played. It took me many years to get over it because I totally gave myself to him believing that we were meant to be together. It was a disaster. I truly think that if you are having a lot of sex with someone its not really possible to remain emotionally detatched. I really wouldn’t recommend it – in spite of how happy he made me and the excitement etc., I’m not sure it was worth all the pain. If I could have turned the clock back on this one I probably would because the only lesson I learned was how selfish, weak and shallow people can really be so y’know, not quite so trusting anymore. Maybe thats a good thing? It made me grow up anyway.

  17. Sorah Suhng

    Exactly, lucky. “[he] wasn’t the only one breaking the vow, I was helping him.” That is completely accurate. And that’s what I finally realized. Horrifically, it took me getting my heart broken to realize that.

  18. Sorah Suhng

    Darcy, can I just say your “might want to have him call her himself and let her know he is moving in asap,” bit literally made me burst out laughing.
    What you said earlier about the “illusion” (in reference to the wife’s awareness) is incredibly accurate. Retrospectively, I can see how those women were so incredibly fearful of letting go. And while I’m in an awful position to say such, but, I’ve always wondered, “Why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you?”
    I make the assumption that the guy doesn’t want to be with the wife because if they did, why would they be seeking my company?
    I’m just glad that I’m not going to ever be in that position again. And I do hope that other mistresses, unsure women, and even wives, can really take from my experience and ask themselves some tough questions.

  19. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi shocked….
    I would love to read you.
    As I get alot of complications connected to this.
    This really is way too ” touchy ” , not to mention important, to give a simplistic answer to in this blog.
    Blessed Be )O(… Gina Rose ext.9500

  20. Older and Wiser?

    … Today, I can’t condone having an affair, because it goes against my marriage vows and beliefs.
    However, having had past liaisons with people who were “separated” or in the midst of divorce, I can see where someone would turn away from their spouse and to someone else.
    A younger, most likely prettier, and probably much more exotic someone else.
    And I can see how then they would lavish the new partner with all the gifts they could manage, because young nubile maidens are just that awesome when you’re middle-aged and staring at the expiration date of your “prime”.
    It still doesn’t make cheating “OK”. But at the same time, from the young woman’s point of view, who would you rather have? Young and inexperienced, possibly unsure, and still working on their fortune? or an older, experienced partner with money to burn and possibly a higher sex drive than the woman at home?
    I’ve always preferred older partners, mainly because they knew what they wanted and weren’t afraid at all to coach me, and that kind of confidence made them sexy as hell.
    So I can see the allure there too.

  21. shocked

    Im the wife as well, the mistress called the other day and asked to speak to herself. reversed looked up the number do I call her back? let my husband know. He was very upset.

  22. lucky

    Great article and sorry to say I have been the mistress but not to the degree of traveling, etc. I realized it was partly due to my fear of commitment and the risk taking. I also realized that they weren’t the only ones breaking the vow, I was helping him and that is when it hit me that God knew. So, needless to say, I will not do that again, and I am now praying that God will bring me a good man that I can be thankful for and cherish.

  23. AK

    Wow. Confessional time Sorah. Jealous of your honesty. Hope others learn from this. After all that’s what we can do whilst we’re here on this earth – learn from each other


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