What to Do When You Find Out Someone Has Been Cheating Through Sexting
You can call it texting, sexting or chexting. However, if you’ve engaged in chatting on your smart phone, there’s a chance you’ve been tempted by some of its low-lying fruit. It usually begins innocently with perhaps an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend who opens a conversation to see what you’ve been up to. The next thing you know, bra and panties are digitally disappearing into cyberspace, and you find yourself carried away in the fantasy.
The reason chexting is such a hot topic is because it’s not only easy to do, but quite common in relationships. Consider this statistic: One in 20 women have caught their guy “sexting” another woman or women. The key word is “caught,” as you can be sure there are plenty of others who have not been (yet). Some men question whether or not this action should be considered cheating, since there is no actual physical involvement.
What these men don’t realize is that women consider emotional cheating far worse than the physical version. And considering these guys are probably on their best Romeo behavior, the sex talk will be the least of their problems if their partner happens to discover the word “love” haphazardly splashed throughout their chexts.
Most guys have sexual fantasies about the girl next door, but just don’t act on it. The real problem with digital cheating is that it’s too damn easy. The barrier of a screen seems to enable a man to do things he might not normally do. The private nature of texting also makes women more likely to share intimate details about themselves, which can make them more susceptible to feeling close to a guy they hardly know.
So, what should you do if you discover your significant other has been stepping out under digital cover? You might think that you would leave him or her. However, most polls suggest a different outcome. In reality, most chexting victims stay in the relationship. If you do stay, there are a few rules that should be put in place before letting the offenders emerge from the dog house.
Rule #1: You need to step back and take an honest look at the relationship.
This is not always the case, but many times a partner who is sexting is attempting to supplement his or her life with things that they feel they are missing. A partner may feel unimportant, ignored, ugly, or just plain forgotten. Perhaps you are under a lot of stress, and haven’t noticed their cries for attention.
Rule #2: They need to understand what they’ve done and apologize sincerely.
A lot of reactions to being caught chexting are that “he/she didn’t mean anything,” and that they were just playing around. This may be true, but consider that playing with ammonia is also pretty innocent until you mix it with bleach. Chexting can be the beginning to much bigger acts of indiscretion.
Rule #3: Cut them off.
Once someone has become acclimated to the easy titillation of sexting, it will be necessary to cut them off from all temptations. This means cutting them off from all social-networking websites. This is where you will see the true sincerity of any apology that may have come from Rule #2. The sincere chexter will realize they need to regain your trust, and will not balk at losing such privileges. Do you feel like your partner doesn’t respect you? Justine ext. 5402 knows what’s in their heart.
Rule #4: Their virtual realm must now become public domain.
Chexting is an addiction, and a lot of its users find new ways to enjoy the same sinful pleasure. To make your point clear that you will not tolerate anymore acts of digital indiscretion, they should be required to allow access to his or her messages and accounts. Yes, they could always open a new one. However, the point is to make it clear that secrecy will no longer be tolerated. If they deny this request, you might as well nail that dog house door closed, as they are most likely still hiding something, and have no intention of changing.
Rule #5: When in doubt, seek external help.
Some relationships will never recover without the help of an external source, such as a relationship/marriage counselor. A licensed professional can act as a mediator, and help get to the bottom of what is really going on in your relationship.
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