Is it wrong to settle in the present while you wait for someone better to come along in the future? Can you practice with a not-so-Mr. or Ms. Right to ensure that you’re the best you can be when the real one comes along? Or maybe you’ve met a match but you’re not convinced that they’re the one.
Is it better to set someone free or dip your toe half in and half out of the water while you wait to find out? Ask yourself these questions to know:
When you’re out on the town with the one you’re with…
1. You look at your date across the crowded room. You glance at them, but soon become transfixed on that hot item one stool down.
2. When your date slips to the restroom your neighbor asks how you and your date are doing. You say “Great, they’re lots of fun. And they’re super stable. My mom says that’s what matters the most.”
3. As the night wears on your date’s getting on your nerves but you remind yourself that you’re more attractive with someone than without. Nobody loves needy. Plus, dinner and a movie is no fun alone.”
4. Over the course of the evening you internally replay your mantra: Being “available” doesn’t pay. Everyone wants what they can’t have. Challenge is the thrill of life. I vow to be as “challenging” as possible.
You tell yourself that “going through the motions” with the one you’re with to better prepare for your yet-to-be true love, is nothing short of practical. And maybe so, but remember, you get what you give, so if you are giving anything less than your all, it’s likely that you will get nothing more than that in return. Do yourself a favor by letting that fish back into the open water so that they, just like you can find someone new. Because here’s the problem, as you buy time with one person while you wait for the next, you might just miss the boat when the real one sails by.
So you’re happy enough with the one you’re with, you’re just not captivated. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself a few questions to find out where they sit and you stand.
1. Do you find yourself skipping out early, ditching plans or just plain distracted?
2. Have you caught yourself thinking, “So what if the sex is sub par, a romp in the sheets won’t comfort you when your kitty passes on, right?”
3. Everybody rags on you for never growing up. In the midst of a poker challenge you vow to propose to the next “perfect potential mate” you meet. And you do just that two months after you greet them. You’re a person of your word, so the proposal stands despite the lackluster relationship.
4. Do you hit every romantic movie in the theatres hoping that with a little inspiration they’ll morph into that romantic amour you’ve been dreaming about?
5. Everybody around you is getting connected for good. Commitment is the new black.
If you’ve answered yes to more than one of the above it might be time to consider if you’re ready to spend the foreseeable future with someone that is nice enough, cute enough, patient enough, but not quite hitting the mark. If so, more power to you, but remember that as time passes and life takes a toll some of those things like boredom or small annoyances could grow like weeds. It comes down to this: Are you willing to trade in “happily ever after” for simply happy enough?
Some of us may have shelved our holdout selves back in high school with those antiquated birds and bees conversations, but maybe it’s time to pull that yearbook strategy back into the light of day. When it comes to matters of the heart and true love shouldn’t we all hold out for what we’re looking for? What if deciding to wait really means believing in yourself enough to know, that one day you will meet that special one. And once you do, you’ll forget all of those nights you spent doubting yourself and analyzing your relationships as you wondered if the fairy tale ending would forever elude you. You’ll also forget those moments when you considered settling because you thought something was better than nothing at all. You’ll be too busy being amazingly happy with your soulmate!
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