One of the most difficult things in any relationship is cheating and infidelity. How we overcome and survive this situation is not easy.
Can the Wounds Be Healed?
Nobody wants to find out that their partner, spouse, or lover has cheated. Infidelity is survivable, but surviving such a betrayal isn’t simply a matter of forgive and forget. All the spiritual maturity in the universe may not be enough to salve inevitable wounds and scars. So what do you do?
Once you’re certain of cheating or betrayal, confront it and begin to heal yourself. It’s not time to offer your partner understanding or forbearance. Find your own solace, support and strength. That takes time and (as when we grieve), everyone is different. Have you been cheated on and struggle to forgive your partner? We can help you on your personal journey with our professional guidance.
What to Do First
Digest what you’ve learned and decide with total self-honesty whether you want to stay in this relationship. Dig deep into your soul and spirit. Evaluate issues surrounding your relationship and don’t lie to yourself. You’ll know if this pairing is worth saving. Recognize and poke at your emotional, spiritual, and psychic pain. Your wound, as debilitating as a war injury, is as painful as any broken bone.
Go with your soul. When you’re committed to working through this, tell your partner clearly that you’re not ready to talk, and you’ll come to him (or her) when you are, but you’re not willing to fight while you help yourself. It’s take it or leave it.
Find a counselor, spiritual advisor, your psychic advisor, or whoever you need to work through your feelings. Have a definitive plan to move forward with or without your offending partner. When you feel strong and centered, it’s time to make clear your rules and boundaries.
What You Don’t Want to Do
Don’t snipe or argue—that just slows your healing. Don’t feel guilty. This isn’t your fault. No matter what issues a couple faces, cheating isn’t a healthy response. Your partner cheated because he or she decided to cheat.
No retaliation sex. You’ll feel terrible. You’ll get angrier. You may never repair your relationship. Your time for love and sex will come, but this is not that time and you don’t know, yet, who the right person is.
Never drag children into it. Find a trusted adult for support, and don’t keep this pain inside. Get healing help. Would you cast your own broken leg?
Forgiveness and Healing Together
Forgiveness is within your reach, and whether you stay together or split, you need to forgive your partner. Forget? No, put this behind you, move on, form a more mature bond, but never pretend there was no pain. These steps have worked for other people:
Be clear that you expect honest answers to your questions. We need to see the gore when life is shattered. Your partner must be prepared to bleed a little with you.
Make no decisions until your feel centered and certain your choices are based on your needs and wants.
Keep an open mind. Give the benefit of the doubt and take baby step to trusting again. Avoid jumping to conclusions. Keep communication open.
This sounds contradictory, but keep your eyes and ears open. Don’t ignore your instincts. Understand that the best predictor of present behavior is past actions. Your partner needs to demonstrate trustworthiness.
Take all the time you need. You’ll learn to trust again, and learning isn’t instant. Be patient. Cry.
Fight. Fighting is normal and healthy and you have things to fight about. Get professional counseling to facilitate the fighting and help you both learn fair rules.
Say what you think, out loud. Ask for what you need. Listen to what your partner has to say, but right now you come first.
You decide when to trust intimacy. Don’t put out until you trust your feelings.
There will be setbacks—be ready. If you have step back and begin again, that’s ok. You’re grieving.
Listen to your inner voice. Open yourself to messages from within and trust them. Take care of yourself, take time for meditation and reflection and get in touch with what you’ve learned from this trial.
May your spirit be soothed. May your heart be healed. May your relationship bring you joy and pleasure and may your find the right way for your future.
“Real trust takes real time.” – Reed ext. 5105
“You will become independent again. You will start to smile again, embarking on the new foundation that you are building. As time passes you will even feel like dating again.” – Asia ext. 5486
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