7 Deadly Dating Sins

Dating can become treacherous ground when you are straddling the line between friendship and intimacy. We want to be so many things to everyone, but sometimes the best policy is to be honest with yourself about who you are, and what you are looking for in a partner. If you have to commit any of these seven deadly sins in order to maintain a relationship, chances are it’s not worth it.

Lust: Thou Shall Not Rush Into Sex
Sex is a fundamental desire in an intimate relationship, but rushing into sex too soon can undermine true intimacy, replacing it with lust. A worthy man doesn’t need to have sex within the first few dates. He may be thinking about it, and if you allow him certain advantages, he may certainly take the initiative, but in truth, he is probably more enthralled with the chase than the reward. If you give away all your treasure and mystery before he’s had to work for it, he could quickly lose interest. As with most things in life, the more you have to work for something, the more you will appreciate it once it’s yours.

Pride: Thou Shall Not Change the Man
Pride has many faults, such as desiring perfection in ourselves and our mate. But one of the worst things you can do in this pursuit is to assume that you can change a man into everything you ever wanted. Men are fundamentally who they are. They may want to change, they may even tell you that they can change, but in general you should assume that what you see is what get. The only caveat is to realize when you’re being overly picky. While it may be annoying that he snorts when laughing at old reruns of Seinfeld — and can’t give a decent massage to save his life — is that a just cause for throwing away a potentially very satisfying relationship?

Greed: Thou Shall Not Expect Too Much Early On
One of the worst parts of dating is all the waiting. ‘Does he like me?’ ‘Are we dating, or just hanging out?’ ‘Does he want children?’ While these questions are important down the road, they don’t need to be answered within the first few dates. A budding relationship should allow itself to unfold in due time, without forcing things. Take everything in stride, and focus on enjoying yourself and the company. Don’t open up your true feelings too fast, or expect him to do the same. Most men prefer the mystery in getting to know you.

Too Much of a Good Thing is Called Smothering

To paraphrase an old saying, “If you hold a butterfly too tightly, you’ll crush it.” There are fundamentally two kinds of relationships, passionate and romantic. The passionate relationship is defined by lust, infatuation, and the jealousy associated with being apart. These relationships are never as happy as they could be, as it is hard to enjoy love when you are in a constant state of panic. A romantic relationship, by comparison, is every bit as passionate, but the relationship is based more on trust and security, not obsession.

Wrath: Thou Shall Not Allow Anger to Filter Across from Past Relationships
Expecting all men to be like your exes is a recipe for disaster. Relationships can be a dangerous business for our heart, but true love can never be achieved without sharing yourself openly with a potential soulmate. This is the catch 22 of all relationships, meaning that in order for them to prosper, we must start each one on a fresh slate This puts ourselves in the position of one day becoming hurt, but at the same time, distrusting and snooping around without just cause will scare away worthy suitors.

Envy: Be Yourself
Stay clear of love interests who like to compare you with their exes and offer advice on how to become more of what they prefer in a mate. A relationship is not all about what you can do for them, but also what they can do for you. Never neglect your own needs, trying to meet someone else’s. If you don’t feel like one of the most beautiful and appreciated people on the entire planet each time you’re together, you’re probably never going to.

Sloth: Thou Shall Not Fake Orgasms
Faking an orgasm seems a lot easier than dealing with the potentially uncomfortable position of telling a man that his motions in the ocean are not quite rocking your boat. Make no mistake about it, faking an orgasm early in a relationship will only cause more confusion and hurt feelings later on. What’s he supposed to say when you tell him on the day of your 10th anniversary that his old moves aren’t going to cut it anymore. It is more difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. You’ve got to train them early!

9 thoughts on “7 Deadly Dating Sins

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  5. Louise Luna

    Dear Just Breathe: Boy, I’m sure we all have situations where we would like to make amends. I know I do. The one thing I would warn against is regret. We make choices, even when we don’t know that we are ‘making’ choices. This is the folly of youth. Much like the girl in the red shoes, some of us just dance through life and people as well. I think the only amends you can make is in your mind and heart. Of course, if the person is still around, you could always tell them, ‘boy did I goof’, etc. It doesn’t mean a relationship will restart, but it will give you some peace of mind and self-respect. To acknowledge to another human being your mis-steps is to feel that humility which always leads to grace in your life. After that, you should have learned to treat each dating situation on a more serious level, because in the end, even though the relationship doesn’t materialize into something permanent, at the least you can walk away knowing you acted “correctly” and didn’t disrespect him/her or yourself. Peace Be!

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  6. Louise Luna

    The piece on ‘Seven Deadly Sins of Dating’ was very helpful and I hope young women where dating plays a large part in their life heed the advice. The one thing I learned late was that men are sizing a woman up as “partner” material. And they do compartmentilize women. Some are for fun, but not for taking to meet the moms. Like anything, dating is a two edged sword. We fought very hard in the ’60’s for our rights and our freedom to make love and not war. Things are very different and yet they remain the same. The marriage pact is something MANY young women are extremely focused on. They want to have the wedding, which in itself takes so much time and energy. While there are many ‘weddings’ taking place, the commitment part seems to be glossed over. That’s the hard part, and believe it or not, I do think a young man enters into marriage very seriously. It’s the status quo, and if the young man is in business, it is a unspoken ‘requirement’. It signifies a passage into adulthood, and if you can’t settle down in marriage, how can you settle down to business, a career? It is really crucial to date with your eyes open. If you are thinking on the 3rd date whether he wants children or not, you are rushing things to say the least. Also, learn how to keep your own counsel. Don’t tell him every last detail of everything. You don’t have to ‘share’ it all. Imagine if you will, that you are building a brick house. You don’t use inferior bricks. Those you toss aside and find a brick that will give you the best foundation possible.
    Lastly, when entering into marriage, the next passage is having children. A serious and committed man does not want a party girl as the mother of his children. They are hard-wired that way. And while he is dating women, he is, whether he knows it or not, keeping notes on the behaviour of the woman he is dating. I know it’s hard to not get excited about someone you have just met, and things seem perfect, but taking it slower will give you a better chance to get to really know this other human being who has entered your life.

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  7. Gina Rose ext.9500Gina Rose ext.9500

    Hi Eric,

    Excellent. excellent article !!!!! Good, grounded advice, especially concerning the smothering part, from a male point of view!

    Blessed Be )O(
    Gina Rose ext.9500

    Reply

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