Being single can be sensational … when it’s what you want. If, on the other hand, you’re in the market to meet someone special and it just doesn’t seem to be happening, flying solo can seem like a curse. For those of you in the second camp (all alone and ready for a real relationship), it’s easy to blame your circumstances. You may tell yourself there’s no one worthy in your area or that all the good ones are taken. The truth, however, is that the problem may just be you.
Before you go raising your arms in defense, spouting about what a great catch you think you are, let down your guard and ask yourself if any of the following sound familiar. After all, you may actually be the catch of the century, but what does that matter if nobody else gets to know it?!
You Project Being Too Together
Everyone wants to put their best foot forward, sure … but there’s a difference between being your best you and making yourself seem so together (read: set in your ways) that you don’t need — or have room for — anyone in your life. What you may consider your strengths might just be signals that you’re fine just as you are. As a result, prospective partners might believe that they should keep on walking, since odds are they won’t measure up to your standards. Sound familiar? Is your schedule is so rigid that you can’t bend it to accommodate a date? Is your checklist is so precise that you turn partners away for the wrong hair color or shoes? Your vision of exactly how things should be might just be getting in the way of how they could be.
You Project Incomplete
On the opposite end of the spectrum are those of us who have spent our lives preparing for the perfect mate. Trouble is, what you see as preparing may seem to others like waiting … Translation: you’ve put yourself on hold in hopes of finding someone to complete you. The trouble with that mentality is that a great partner will enhance your life, but they can’t complete you … only you can do that for yourself.
And until you do, you may continue to scare off otherwise great matches who perceive you as desperate and/or don’t want the pressure your choices imply (marry me now!). So, if you’re still living at home well out of your twenties with a hope chest of housewares in the basement for when you meet ‘the one,’ it’s time to consider getting on with it already. The more you risks you take for yourself and your own good, the greater rewards you’ll reap in love and in life.
You Actually Want to Be Single
Lastly, you may be out every Friday, on three different dating sites and putting the word out to your friends that you’re open to (nay, eager for) fix-ups, but believe it or not, there’s a good chance that you actually like your life just as it is. Clues that this is the case? Choosing people you know in your gut aren’t for you to go out with anyway — just to ‘kill time,’ and then rejecting other potential quality dates for reasons unknown — even to yourself.
It’s ok if you want to be single, but if you don’t (and you’re acting like this), take a second and ask yourself what’s really going on. Fear (of being hurt, of being vulnerable, of commitment… of anything) can seem overwhelming, but only by facing yours will you have any chance of finding happiness with someone else.