Your date drops down into a black hole never to return. Instead of free-falling with them, learn to bounce back and turn that “hole” into happiness. Stop moping and start assessing how to avoid it in the future.
Dating Disaster 1: You scream together, then dream alone
At the end of a very good time together you wind up alone in your bed and up all night. Stop, breathe and reel in all those hot and lofty feelings. It was one date. It can be easy to dream about your next rendezvous and the long term future that is guaranteed as you dance off into a blissful sunset, but what’s easy isn’t always best. Slow down and put your racing mind and heart to bed.
One of the worst things we can do following a bubbling good time is to over-analyze things. Remember, you’ve only got half of the story — yours. Sure, you feel like things went marvelously, but were the feelings mutual or just wishful thinking? Whatever the case, don’t beat yourself up or take things personally. Technically speaking, you can’t even have been “dropped” if you only just met! It’s more likely a simple matter of differing opinions on how the night unfolded. Don’t obsess about a blip in time and rip yourself off the dating market for good. Move on! Your next prospect is bound to pop up sooner than you might think — especially if you leave your house, now (okay, you can wait until morning)!
Dating Disaster 2: You’re hot, then not
Nothing can be more compelling, dizzying and devastatingly disturbing than a relationship that heats up in seconds only to fizzle almost as quickly. Long hot kisses happening on even longer and hotter dates. You’re in a blissful bubble that feels like it will never burst… until it does. They drop down the rabbit hole and you start digging for answers, turning up none that satisfy your question: why did they leave me when they loved me so hard? Reality check. Only in movies does love happen in an instant. Back here on planet earth, good love is hard to find and even harder to keep. It needs to be developed and nurtured over time. Sure, it sucks that they dropped off your planet so soon after landing. The next time you decide to hop aboard the relationship express, SLOW DOWN. If you want someone to be there tomorrow, take time to get to know them on the inside and out. Things that are meant to last are worth the wait.
Dating Disaster 3: Working it so hard it hurts
You’ve been planning for this date for weeks. Your friends have been vying for you two to get together for months. You fill your idle time reading books like If I’m So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single? and No Nonsense Dating. You spend one too many hours and dollars in an attempt to make yourself look as fabulous as possible. The night arrives and the date takes on a life of its own. You can’t stop yourself from stomping your best foot forward all over the place — and right on top of your “meant to be your destiny” companion.
You realize you’re frantic, but you can’t help yourself. This is supposed to be it, so you work it as hard as a sledge hammer on the street. The night comes to a cordial close where you exchange pleasantries with a light proposal to “do it again, soon.” Weeks pass and you never hear from them. What went wrong? In sports it’s called choking under pressure, in dating it is called psyching yourself out.
Next time, vow to stop working it so hard and just enjoy the moments that you get to share with each other. Call it practice. And remember that it takes a lot of it to hone the skills that are required to foster a long time relationship with an appropriate partner. While dating can feel like hard work, it doesn’t have to be laborious — if you change your intentions and expectations to more manageable levels. People aren’t dropping off into the ether as much as it might feel like that’s the case. Sometimes, ships pass in the night. Don’t stop sailing because of one missed port. Just jump back aboard and set sail with destination love in mind, alongside a healthy attitude about (and appreciation for) the journey it takes to get there!
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