There is plenty of information available about what you can do to have a happy and fulfilling sex life – but there are also some tried-and-true things not to do. Because in the heat of passion it’s easy to make mistakes, here’s a list of 10 simple ways to avoid screwing up your sex life. Follow these little tips to steer clear of negative energy in your most intimate moments.
1. Don’t compare yourself to others
Sometimes it’s hard not to wonder how we size up in comparison to our mate’s previous lovers. Try not to worry about the past. They are obviously not with that person now for a reason. Don’t compare yourself with movie stars, models, or porn stars, either. These people are mere fantasies who could never come into your relationship and ruin it. The point is, when you are constantly measuring yourself against others (whether it is a past lover or some fantasy), it will show through in a certain lack of confidence. Remember low self esteem or lack of confidence is unattractive and shows insecurity. Now that’s a turn off.
2. Don’t be self-conscious about your body
No “body” is perfect – we all have flaws. We can’t all be models or movie stars. Yes, you can improve yourself, but it’s important to feel sexy as you are – right now. When we are too busy fussing over our body fat, anatomy, breast size, and so forth we are preventing ourselves from experiencing sexual fulfillment. Most of the time our partners don’t even notice what it is that we see. Our sexual energy comes from within, not from the surface.
3. Don’t be close-minded
Regardless of your morals, religious tradition, or background, try to remain open-minded. When you stick with rigid thinking, you’ll have rigid sex – it’s that simple. You will block the creative flow to express and experience ultimate satisfaction. You don’t need to go against your principles or boundaries, but try to push them a little bit so you’ll stay open to options and possibilities.
4. Never hide things from your mate
Whether it’s your deep dark sexual past or the things you want to explore, keeping your mouth shut will do more to wreck a relationship than enhance it. It doesn’t matter if you’re hiding it because you’re ashamed or because you think your partner “can’t handle” it. Ultimately, hiding things from your partner destroys intimacy and trust – the things a relationship needs in order to survive. So be honest.
5. Never over-plan sex
Sometimes we have a certain vision or seduction scene in our heads, and we may want the evening to be a perfect reenactment of that image. But don’t allow that plan to ruin your evening. Sometimes it’s best to let the chemistry between you and your lover take over. You may wind up deviating completely away from your original plan – but you also may have a much better time than you anticipated.
6. Keep all outside influences of everyday life out of the bedroom!
Did you take out the trash, clean the house, feed the dog… These topics are not up for discussion in the bedroom. And try not to have a TV set in that room, either. Remember – you are engaging in sex as a means of maintaining intimacy, as well as for recreation and release. You’re not doing it to create more stress and tension!
7. Don’t forget foreplay
Foreplay is a very crucial element in sex – yet it is often overlooked. Yes, there are times that you may want to get right down to business – or have a “quickie” – but foreplay is a more exciting build-up to the act of sex. So take it upon yourself to make sure you are turning your partner on, and getting them in the mood. It will keep things fun, creative and enjoyable for both parties.
8. Never be selfish!
Sex should be a mutually satisfying practice of giving and receiving in the bedroom. Remember to try to satisfy your partner. Of course, they should reciprocate.
9. Don’t limit sex to the bedroom
If you only have sex in your bedroom the whole project can lose its luster very quickly. Try exploring different locations in your house (or in your car, your boat…wherever). Get naughty in the kitchen, in the shower, or in the laundry room. Be open and willing to discover uncharted territory. There are no rules. Use your house (or alternative venues) as a big playground – and have fun!
10. Never forget romance
Romance is something that is easily forgotten in today’s day and age. Some of us have never even had the pleasure of experiencing it at all – and what a shame that is. It really is important, and it will keep your sex life alive with passion and desire. Send flowers, or spread some rose petals. Consider lighting some candles, or creating a special playlist