Sometimes we look to a romantic relationship for the wrong reasons. Learn to identify those reasons early and not make a mistake that’ll hurt you or someone else.
Fall in Love With Yourself First
If you’re bouncing from one relationship to another, wondering what went wrong each time, think about why you entered into that relationship in the first place. If you begin any relationship with an unhealthy motivation, then it’s doomed to fail. There is an old song about looking for love in all the wrong places; however, it might be more accurate to say that many of us are looking for love for all the wrong reasons. The following are reasons not to get into a relationship:
1. To Make Someone Jealous
If you’re entering a new relationship to make your ex jealous, or to make a friend/enemy jealous, then you’re being inconsiderate toward your new lover and disrespecting the new relationship. Instead, deal directly with your anger in a way that won’t drag innocent people into your issues.
2. To Prove Something to Someone
If someone, perhaps your parents or some other person of authority, has told you that you aren’t ready for a relationship, or that so-and-so is wrong for you, it’s OK to feel offended. But don’t feel that you have to enter into a relationship just to prove that person wrong.
3. To Raise Your Self-Esteem
If you only feel good about yourself when you are in a relationship, then it’s possible that you are using romantic love as a way to boost your self-esteem. Rather than setting out to create yet another relationship, instead set out to develop a talent that makes you feel good about yourself. Healthy self-esteem has to start within yourself, not come from an outside source of validation.
4. To Fit In
Yes, it’s hard to be the only single person when it seems like everyone else is coupled. But entering a relationship simply to fit in with the crowd is lame. Instead, find a group of other singles to hang out with.
5. To Replace Someone You Just Broke Up With
The rebound relationship — probably all of us has either been guilty of starting one or been on the end of unknowingly being pulled into one. No one benefits. Instead, grieve the loss of your previous relationship and then give yourself time to heal.
6. Because it’s Convenient
Sure, it might be fun to sing the lyrics, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one you’re with.” But in reality, falling in love with the nearest or most vulnerable person available simply because it’s easy to do is not the best foundation on which to build a relationship. Be patient. Mr. or Mrs. Right will be worth waiting for.
7. Financial Relief
So you think the only way to live the lifestyle that you want is to have a double-income household? Or maybe you don’t want to have to work at all. Financial relief is a tempting reason to pair up, but it’s bound to lead to resentment or other problems down the road. If sharing household expenses is the only way for you to survive financially, find yourself a roommate instead.
8. Because Your Biological Clock is Ticking
Ladies, step into the 21st century! Not only is it selfish and inconsiderate to snag a man simply to get pregnant, but it’s not even necessary anymore. If you truly want to be a mother and haven’t fallen in love with a responsible man to share parenting with before your body starts to move into menopause, then choose another route, such as becoming a “single mother by choice” through an anonymous donor insemination or adoption.
9. Extreme Loneliness
If you’re falling in love simply to fill the void of loneliness, see to what Psychic Lucy ext. 5353 has to say about loneliness: “The reason you’re lonely is because you’re doing things for everybody else. You’re doing things for your boss at work or doing things for your clients, if it’s your own business. You’ve taken care of your children. What are you doing for yourself? Everybody needs to nurture themselves. The more you’re filled with your own love, the more you’ll be able to give others… The loneliness comes from, quite frankly, that you’re lonely for yourself. Go back inside; give to yourself.”
10. To “Complete” You
The line “You complete me” was from a movie, a fictional story. In real life, you are a whole person without a partner. None of us is only half a person. If you’re feeling incomplete, it’s possible that your infant or childhood needs weren’t met by your parents to your satisfaction, according to Howard M. Halpern, Ph.D., author of the book How to Break Your Addiction to a Person. It’s possible that you are subconsciously trying to create an emotional and/or physical attachment that was lacking earlier in your life.
Rather than trying to find someone to “complete” you, examine your past and work with a counselor to see how you can heal your past wounds and then create a stable future. Says Psychic Jacqueline ext. 9472, “We can, if we choose, look at the past and learn the experience that is there for us to see — or not. The option is up to you.”
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