Love What You Want to Change

Change Comes From the Heart

We like to think that we can stop change from happening or at least slow it down. However, change is inevitable. It’s also scary because the mind loves sameness, routine and repetition; it doesn’t know what will happen, when it will happen and how it will happen. The mind would like to keeps things the same, even if it hurts us in the process.

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Change is Often Forced

For many of us, change is forced upon us as a result of something big, like job loss, death, illness, or the end of a relationship. It’s also forced upon us after we have suffered enough pain and discomfort that the fear of change takes a backseat to the desire for something better. The unknown becomes less scary.

Change Through Fear, Need or Another Emotion

I had a teacher who once told me that the more we fight or push against who we are and our current conditions, the more pain we create inside us and in the world around us (because we project that pain). For example, you might want to lose 20 pounds. You might want to lose that weight because you feel insecure or unattractive and you believe that the weight loss will make you feel secure and attractive. However, that fear and insecurity will still be present after you lose the weight. Why? You’ll be fearful of not maintaining the weight loss and you will beat yourself up if you gain a pound. Change through fear or need will lead to the same emotion still running you once that change has been made.

The Grass is Always Greener?

If you really explore the things you want, you’ll discover you want them because you hate or dislike what you currently have or are. You’re assuming life is better somewhere else. If you hate being poor, you may think being rich is better because money will make you happy. But happiness doesn’t increase, the more money people have. For some, they’re even more unhappy with all their millions. If you hate being single, you may think marriage will make you happy. But marriage presents its challenges too.

Change From the Heart

If you want to change your life, it needs to come from the heart. Yes, I know it sounds a bit airy-fairy, and “new age,” but when change happens from a space of love, it happens spontaneously and without force. How does it come from the heart, then? By loving yourself and your life just as it is now. Let’s go back to the goal of losing weight. If your desire to lose weight comes from the heart, it means you truly love your body as it is right now—the lumps and the bumps. If you can do that, the weight will naturally start to fall away. You may feel the impulse to exercise. You may make healthier food choices. I can assure you that no matter your goal, when love is present change happens naturally and spontaneously.

The Power of Love

Love can strip away that which we no longer need. It can also bring into our lives that which we need for the next step of a journey. When love flows freely in your life, anything is possible. So if you want to change something about your life, instead of putting fear or hate towards it, put love towards it instead. Ask yourself, “What can I love about this thing, event or person at the moment?” It may seem counterproductive, but it leads to true change that will be spontaneous and permanent rather than forced by the mind.

5 thoughts on “Love What You Want to Change

  1. Michele Taylor

    I too am having a relationship crisis. I have been married for 17 years and been w my husband for 20 years. Weven have two wonderful boys ages 9 and 12. Thanks to 7 years of IVF. I thought if we could get through infertility we could get through anything…Ino the pastcouple of years I became I’ll w a brain tumor and also had a TIA (small stroke w no side effects). It did leave me with neurological deficits. Over time I lost numerous jobs because of my disabilities. We had no income because he does not make a lot of money. Instead of supporting me and his children he consistently blamed me for our predicament. He also did not provide financially for anything. I was able to collect unemployment thankfully. However, he still relied on me for bills and groceries while he used his money to pay his credit cards. It’s been 17 years and as I look around the house there is nothing he has contributed. He has never bought the kids clothing or paid for their lessons. He doesn’t attend their plays or AFTERSCHOOL activities and consistently blames me for our situation. I haven’t gotten a haircut in two years or done anything to help my body heal. I want to get a divorce and now I know own the time is right…I am scared for my children. What do I do…

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  2. Katie

    Reading this just touched my heart and soul in a way that is unexplainable. Just earlier today i was in tears talking to my boyfriend who is the father of our 4 year old little girl about a huge change that is about to take place tomorrow. You see, him and i have been together for 8 years and lived together for 7. When our daughter was born 4 years ago things started to change and our relationship went way down hill. From cheating to fighting and loss of jobs. No money and living place to place. We both got into heavy drugs about 3 years ago which changed our life drastically and reached a whole new level of “rock bottom”. After renting a room out at my moms we decided to move an hour and a half away to a family friends who wanted to rent us a space in their home and i got sober but after 6 months or so seeing that my daughters dad wasnt doing what he should have been as a man providing and so much more, they (who we rent a room from) eventually (as outsiders looking in) felt that him and i together were not a good match at the moment and fail to accomplish anything together. After seeing me try so hard to make money to pay rent stressing about my child and what she would eat for dinner and witnessing me do anything i had to just so my babygirl would eat ect along with rent and other things They told him he needs to move and make himself a better him not only for him but for his family. Thats the one thing we have not tried which is living apart. Tomorrow is the day he leaves and my daughter is confused and sad. I told her that daddy has to go for a little while on a trip for work but we will visit him often. I told her that he has to live a little far away because of his job (there is no job) i just broke down and went to the bathroom and balled my eyes out because there is so much more to my story and my situation reminds me of my childhood just not as bad. Thats not the life i want for her. Well let me not get distracted and make this comment any longer i want it to be read 🙂
    My little girl She has been by her daddys side since she was born and her dad is her everything and now he will be almost two hours away from her (and me) even tho i never realized how much i needed him and being so rude pushing him away for many years and not understanding why things are the way they are. I blamed him when in reality it takes two! He tried….drugs take over more then just a body. With all of that being said. Today i cried and i said ” im scared” “i dont know how to be alone” “this isnt going to end good” ” how will i do this all alone” “i dont know how to be alone” you see all i could think about was this huge change in a negative way. Im so glad i read this and at the right time. Now i get it. Its not a bad thing. This WILL be for the better and change doesnt always have to be scary. Love is everything and love is so much more powerful then we could imagine. Sometimes it takes a lot of time and digging deep inside within ourselves to see it and feel it. Let me just say that I am terrified of change but i never asked myself why? Why am i so afraid? Because i have always ALWAYS looked for the negative things when change is made. I also never knew love. I do now and i get it! yes im extremely emotional but im also happy for him to get the help he needs and excited to see our family blossom into a loving conteand and happy one. Thank you for this. I know this change will be good for us because this life change has went from being forced from someone else to an agreement between the two of us that we need this. Love is everything, love is life and most important of all love is in us all because we cant be happy and love life or a partnet if we dont first love ourself. Thank you for this ❤
    Katie

    Reply
    1. dmarantzdmarantz moderator

      Katie,
      We are so glad this article has helped you see your situation from a more positive angle. We wish you and your family the best! Stay strong!

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