We can all minimize others’ problems from time to time, by saying things like “They just do that for attention,” or “That guy is just a brat.” Without thinking, we often generalize behavior as an excuse to turn a blind eye to the real problems.
Yet those are broad generalizations, and if you look deeper, it’s not too hard to find out why that person acts that out and how to get through to their better side. For example, somebody might ask “He’s just a controlling manipulator, but I love him. When is he going to change?” I would then have to rephrase it into two or three questions…
1. What made him become like that? It’s the kind of behavior that repels most people and he probably knows it. Often I find that he was in another relationship where somebody did that to him. It might have been a family member or another lover, but he’s trying to give the first strike to keep that from happening again. If that is the case, then the solution is to stand up to him and not let him get away with it either. He’s just passing on bad karma.
2. What made the caller fall in love with someone like that? It may be pure compassion, and it may be their own desire to be distant from love and growth. Or the caller is really in love with someone unattainable and is now choosing partners who won’t let them get close. Sometimes men fall in love with a gay woman to avoid intimacy. Or get into an internet relationship with someone thousands of miles away. That way they get to say and feel like they have an involvement without having to live the responsibility of truly committing. It’s easy to say that he or she has a fear of commitment, but to fix that, you have to find out why.
3. What can be done about a situation like this? It’s not very often, but sometimes the cards will indicate being more aggressive. Sometimes the advice is to get closer on a friendship level. And often they advise to be more distant. Very often the advice is to search out your own dreams because this faulty relationship is just a diversion from your own goals.
You can see that what look like simple problems on the surface are signs of deeper karmic workings. My advice is to be more understanding than using broad generalizations. If his current girlfriend is “just a bitch,” then why? And what attracts him to her?
When you get involved with anyone, you become a part of their baggage – past, present and future. You meet her mother. She meets your brothers. The river flows and it’s never the same water. Good advice is to never minimize what someone else is thinking or feeling. They may sound superficial to you, but you may sound the same to them, too.
People are all different, like snowflakes. No two are alike. You join two different people and you get a unique “relationship” that may or may not last.
The only message here is “Don’t minimize someone’s karmic difficulties if you want to get closer to them.”
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