Is it ever OK to seek to end another person’s relationship or marriage in order to be with them? I have been involved with a married man for almost 8 months and his marriage is a disaster but he won’t leave. Is there a way to force the issue?
Whether or not something is OK is a matter of one’s individual view. The realm of crime and punishment — of good vs. evil — is the kingdom of humans. In this column, I deal with the realm of Nature, so to enter here requires a suspension of certain socially ingrained notions. You must decide for yourself whether something is worth doing. Nature is about profit and loss, risk and reward. It’s as simple as that. You need to see your situation in those terms and make a decision. Ask yourself what you will gain from this. Is that gain worth the expense of your energy? If it is, let go of all your old notions of morality, because you’re entering a realm of power and force that does not align with candyland paradigms and new age platitudes. Most of all, rid yourself of the need to justify your actions. If you decide to play, then play to win, and in winning have no regrets.
Looking over the situation, I feel this marriage is a sham, a socially erected contrivance just waiting for a strong wind to buckle it. Still, I have to wonder about a man who stays so long in such a sorry state. We must always look to the character of future partners. You are a very vivacious girl, while he seems … well … rather timid. Still, to each her own. If you really want him, you can pretty much have this wrapped up in about four months. You see, you’re the one with all the power here. You’re sexually ferocious and alive with desire. Now turn up the heat!
We’ve been down this road before in this column, but let’s go over it again. No matter what happens, never, ever give energy to his wife. Never ask about her. Never even hint about asking about her. Never show the faintest interest in her. If he brings her up, listen patiently, but don’t offer any suggestions. If he asks for advice, say you’d rather not be involved. Keep your life separate from his, and never become an open book. Always maintain a mystique. At this point, with this particular man, you need to start making yourself a little less available sexually. Keep making love to him, but let those sorts of meetings start to become less frequent, especially at times when he is not doing his utmost to make you happy. Off and on, during conversations, feign distraction or discontent, but when he takes note of your mood and asks about it, simply change the subject.
When you are in bed, captivate and dominate. Bring out the big guns of seductive charm, and set no limits when the lights are low. Sex is the single most potent weapon in your arsenal, and you already have the upper hand. Make known to him who is in charge, who is the keeper of all that pleasure. Be a slave to his every desire, but limit his access to you.
Be wary and clever, a force of disruption and ecstasy. Befriend him on an emotional level, but never give too much away concerning yourself. Be his confidante and his strength. But at the same time, be something he can never quite master. Above all, make no demands on him. No ultimatums. In fact, when he speaks of a future with you, act as if you’re not really looking for that sort of thing. Men always want the woman they cannot have entirely, especially this man. I’ve all faith in you. It won’t take much of this treatment for him to bend to whatever you wish. However, once you have him all to yourself, don’t be surprised if you find him every bit as boring as his wife does. Ciao.