Sex Q&A: Why Are Men Manipulative?

People can be manipulative and it can happen in any type of relationship. Today we look at this situation in a sexual setting and deduce what it may mean, why it happens, and what to do about it.

Krista from Cincinnati, OH asks:

Can you explain the thought process behind someone who is manipulative, conniving and spins everything I say around on me and lies? Then when I stand up to him, he acts like a toddler?

Liam’s Response:

Greetings, Krista. Yes, I can explain it. It’s called your interpretation. I have no doubt elements of all of the factors you mentioned are indeed inherent in this person’s behavior just as they are inherent in the behavior of most human beings—yourself included. Our social game relies heavily on deception and opportunism, and unfortunately manipulation and conniving usually soon follow. Some are just more obvious about it than others. Do you need more advice on figuring out your individual situation, contact a psychic today!

Our culture has a fascination with the ideals of fair play and social niceties, so we constantly delude ourselves into believing our own behavior is beyond reproach while being able to spot bad behavior in others at a thousand paces. The sad fact is we humans spend an enormous amount of time treating each other like crap and then trying to justify to ourselves and others why we do it. Make no mistake, in his mind this terrible man you describe thinks you’re the preschool liar and conniver. Western culture insists on a centric world view which means there is a right, a wrong and some all-pervasive fundamental truth that holds it all together. But that’s an illusion. Truth is an independent invention.

But setting all that aside, my question is, why on earth would you subject yourself to this man if you truly believe he conducts himself in this fashion? Why waste your time hanging around someone who makes you so miserable and frustrated? Life’s too short to keep hoping someone will conform to your standards of decorum. Most people stay in these sorts of situations because they fear the pain of loss, but pain’s not such a bad thing. Pain teaches. Pain tempers. And, like all things, pain passes. At the end of this ballgame, the only person whose gonna take that big leap into the unknown with you is you. The symphony of experiences that make you who and what you are will pause and draw one last breath before dissolving into the cauldron of timelessness. And it’s the choices you made in life that will compose the notes of the music it plays. Remember this.


Do you have a question for Liam? Ask Liam your question now.

10 thoughts on “Sex Q&A: Why Are Men Manipulative?

  1. Patrice Bradshaw

    Hi. Iv’e been seeing my guy for eight months. He is divorced, and stressed over and over why and why he is not affectionate and he wants things to remain casual. With the recent turn of events, he went from not having feelings for me to being jealous when another man notices me. What is up with that?

  2. lilly

    …”The sad fact is we humans spend an enormous amount of time treating each other like crap and then trying to justify to ourselves and others why we do it” ….
    YES everyone is doing this – including myself, I call it human. So I practice not to judge other peoples behaviour – and Liam is a good role model for a nonjudgemental point of view

  3. Robin Bednarczyk

    I’m MARRIED to the same kind of man, and Liam is right – FEAR OF PAIN, so I guess I choose to stay in this, which by the way, is pain also. I guess we have to choose which pain is the lesser of all evil.

  4. jolene jensen

    GREAT Q/A…My ex-husband is exactly what Krista described. And…when I realized I was just like him but just to different people in my life I had my epiphany. People who do this don’t like themselves and need to make someone else feel inferior to validate themselves. When I realized I was this person I made my changes and “people’s two year old fits” are just that and I am not affected. At the end of the day I stand with my actions or in actions…and the people who drive me the craziest in life have the biggest lessons to teach me.

  5. marc from the uk

    I can agree with this article, I had a girlfriend just like this, and Liam put is clearly into perspective, FEAR was the reason I did not leave this person earlier, however I learned very quickly to face my fear, LONLINESS, and move forward, and it was a painful decision,I lost my daughter who is to young to realise who and what her mother is, but less painfull long term. I am so much happier, and also learned that my x has every right to be the person they want to be, it is their jouney, however have the right to be happy, so I moved forward. Karma and life’s lessons will be with me long tem.

  6. Anita

    I just want to tell you how much I appreciate your open minded honesty and direct, down to earth perspective. You make me smile and you help me think about things in a different light! I’m 59 and always tried to be acceptng but often my own ego (and all of those rules that are in my head) get in my way. I enjoy your views, thanks.

  7. Aida Bon

    Liam My Favourite!
    A “must read” for all of your followers. A tiny very easy to read book: SPIRITUAL POLYAMORY. Author Mystic Life. Polyamory is non possesive love. The desire to experience giving and accepting love without conditions! There is no greater goal to achieve than love without any semblance of limitation. Our world is deeply entrenched in sexual adoloscence. There is much deception with ourselves and others, childish mind games and a harsh cold war between the genders. IT’S HIGH TIME WE GROW UP SEXUALLY AS A GIFT FOR OURSELVES AND FOR EACH OTHER.
    Given the amount of tension and frustration that most people walk around with, it’s probable that they are not having enough total body orgasms. I am sure you heard about Wilhelm Reich. Psychiatrist. He died in a USA prison in 1957 after all of his books were burnt. Some survived and are still published. The most famous: The function of orgasm. A mind blowing book. Even today the O word is not mentioned in most societies. As Oprah Winfrey once said on her show: To fake is to increase mens stupidity and all women do it at one time or another. What a pity!
    I am still awaiting your published columns.
    Poly Love Aida Bon (The Netherlands)

  8. Chrissi

    It could be his upbringing- my husband was constantly belittled by his mother- often in public and to other people- he is the surviving middle child of what would have been three, with two children dying soon after being born, as a young boy he told me she had often said to him that the wrong boy died- (the younger would have been a sister) widowed when he was 14- who was not very happy with the hand life dealt her she even said to me that she couldn’t wait till she could join her husband. It was very hard for him to make her happy, even though at 14 he had given up his dreams of a college education to get work to support her, even though he would do his best to decorate and do work around the house- which she would say he asked to be paid for-which as I saw myself was untrue- we live in her house so I’ve seen for myself how she was- I make allowances for that- and if all I have to put up with is a bit of a strop or tantrum every so often, from what in the long run is a good hearted loving man, who does the best he can for us- even though when my son was small he did have an affair-because he felt unloved, so my son has a half sister out there somewhere-if you can get through to your man- maybe let him know his behaviour upsets you maybe he will think about his actions- if you are in a relationship you both want to keep, maybe it will help- then again some men close up tighter than a clamshell rather than explain their fears or feelings

  9. jane

    Hi Liam, that was an excellent answer!!!! We all manipulate to get what we want, in big ways and small, and we all judge and dislike other people for doing it in return. The truth of it all is, we intensely dislike the trait in others more, but because they might be better or worse at dealing it out than we are, its quite ridiculous isnt it? Funny too though, us humans are a right queer lot, very complex and idiotic at times, Actually, make that most of the time!!!!, and the laugh is, the things we dislike in other people, are usually the very traits we ourselves display most. Love your insights. Makes for good thinking….. x


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