Sex Q&A: Boosting Libido

Sarah writes:

I ended a terrible relationship a little over a year ago and have felt sexually dead ever since. I used to be an incredibly sexual person — I really enjoyed sex and was quite adventurous. Now, I just think of sex as a bit ridiculous and find the whole thing distasteful. My ex rejected me a lot sexually, and this was a huge problem in our relationship. Will I ever regain an appetite for sex?

Dear Sarah,

I think many women can relate to your particular predicament, and your situation is one that is indeed quite troubling. I feel that everything you indicated about yourself prior to this relationship continues to be true. You are still a seductive and sensual girl, and in no time at all I believe we can have you back to your happy, vivacious self. In looking at your energy, I see that you have fallen victim to the type of man who gives his gender a bad name.

I see how you came to him with the whole of your passionate self, giving and trusting, willing to love him, and to do just about anything for him. To say he was a lucky fellow is an understatement. Sadly, however, this is a man who was highly insecure about his own sexual abilities. I sense he has a history of problematic sexual relationships that left him incapable of appreciating the gifts you offered. Where other men would be grateful, he was abusive. Because he felt he couldn’t match you, he belittled your nature. The problem was his, never yours. But he damaged you just the same.

Having been so damaged in your sexual self-image, you closed yourself off from pleasure, feeling that you really weren’t worthy of that expression. He robbed you of one of the most vital portions of yourself. But all is far from lost. For a first step, I advise you to find a picture of that ex-boyfriend and burn it. Dance naked while you do it. Make it a ceremony. And realize fully what he was doing to you. Once he’s reduced to ashes, flush him away and get on with living life on your own terms.

Next, you are going to have to work to realign some of your energies. I feel that your energy flow has shut down in the lower two chakra points, which govern human sexuality, as well as the primordial subconscious. Find someone knowledgeable about Laya yoga techniques to help you. Immerse yourself in activates involving the earth and water elements. I’d also highly recommend some classes in Kundalini yoga. The female aspects of your self needs some enticement right now, so be sexy, even if you don’t ‘feel’ sexy. Dress in a seductive fashion.

For a while, some of these things may seem silly. Do them anyway. Spend some quality time with women, specifically older females. You need a healing vibration that they can offer just with their presence. It doesn’t have to be ritualistic. A cup of tea with your aunt, a stroll with your mother — any sort of female bonding is most important.

Most of all, don’t rush things. You need time to heal, and you won’t do yourself any good by moving too quickly. There’s nothing wrong with you. You were abused, dear, in a most vicious fashion. But you’ll be back before you know it. Please write me again and let us all know how things go with your progress.

Be well,


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