In Love With Being in Love
I have been seeing this guy for over 14 months and I recently found out that he is seeing someone else. I confronted him about it and he said he’s free to do whatever he wants. He also said that I shouldn’t be complaining because I’m married. Technically, yes, I’m still married but my husband and I are separated and have been for six years.
I put so much into this relationship! I buy him gifts, dinners, groceries, and I always go to his place when he wants me to come over. He’s selfish in bed and I feel like I do everything to please him. When I think about it, I realize there’s nothing worth loving about him and that I spent all this time trying to buy his love. I realize now that I can’t buy love.
I’m in love with this guy, but some days I want to see him and other days I don’t. I keep thinking about the other woman he’s seeing, and I get so jealous. Has she ever tried to buy his love like me? I’m trying to forget him and move on but it’s hard.
Please help me stop seeing him. I keep coming back to him and I don’t want to. Am I just in love with being in love? I know I can’t buy love, and that wasn’t ever my intention even though that’s how it looks. How can I avoid doing this in my next relationship?
A Desperate Woman
Psychic Cameron ext. 5412 responds:
Thank you for your letter. I have consulted my guides about your situation and the guidance I’m receiving for you is very clear. First of all, I think, even without my help, you have some pretty clear wisdom of your own. You are right—money can’t buy love. The first card that comes up in your reading is The Seven of Swords. This tells me that something in this situation needs to change right away. You and your partner are certainly in a dysfunctional pattern.
I have brought a second deck into your reading, and the card that has come up at the top, and which I believe defines your situation, is Indecision. You say you’re in love with him, but you also say there’s nothing worth loving about him. Some days you want to see him; other days you don’t. It sounds like you aren’t clear about what you want. And he can’t be clear when you are confused.
You say he can be selfish and doesn’t want to make a commitment to you. But even if he did decide tomorrow that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you, you are still legally married to your husband, despite being separated for six years. Both of you are expecting the other to make a change. As it’s impossible to control another person’s behavior, you must make the decision to change your own. This is the first step if you want to see an improvement in your relationship with this man.
The second card that is very prominent in your reading is The Hermit. Right side up, this informs me that you need to focus on yourself. Sometimes when a relationship is challenging we focus on what the other person wants or what he or she is doing. The Hermit tells me that this is the time to bring the focus back on yourself.
With The Five of Wands, I can see that this is not an easy time for you, and I respect that you may have to make some hard decisions. But you are going to have to stand up and face some unpleasant aspects of this relationship before you can have the kind of partnership you really want. Here is my advice:
Decide what you want before you sit down and have a talk with this man. If you want a committed relationship where he doesn’t see other people, you need to begin divorce proceedings and legally end your marriage with your husband. He may be seeing other people to create a “balance” but you need to make it clear to him that this doesn’t work for you. Then take action so that you are completely available.
Stop paying for everything and stop out-performing him in bed. It’s wonderful to do kind things for people we love, but no one loves a doormat. Begin by letting him do more to take care of himself. If he is resentful or angry, share with him about how you have been feeling and listen to what he says. My sense is that there are no monsters in this story, but two people who are making the wrong choices and not listening.
Finally, with The Four of Swords, you may have to take a break, even for a few months, to figure out what you want. This relationship seemed to be defined, in part, by selfishness and chaos, and when we feel overwhelmed, sometimes we need to go somewhere where it’s quiet and listen to ourselves. You need to ask yourself one question, above all: Do I love this man enough to ask for what I need and have an honest relationship with him? If you can’t answer that question or the answer to that question is no, you need to move on.
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